In laws and baby's first steps

My DD2 appeared to take her first steps at a family gathering, while I was out of the room. When I came back in and she took a few steps, I said 'oh, look, her first steps'. Everyone looked a bit shifty, so I guessed that she'd done it while I was out of the room and they admitted it.

It never occurred to me to wonder if they'd been deliberately encouraging her to do it, because that's something that seems really normal to do when a baby is close to walking. I'd encourage any baby to have a go. I think you'd have to really dislike someone already to resent them encouraging a baby to walk.

Having missed what I thought was her first step, I asked at nursery and she'd actually walked there first, but they'd kindly not mentioned it.

Also, it is withholding information. My son was quite late to walk so I was considering asking the GP to review him. If he had in fact taken some steps when I thought he hadn’t, that’s important information.

in fact now I’m wondering if he did walk at nursery first and they didn’t mention it.

I am genuinely baffled that this is a thing. I did think it was a joke when I first heard about it.

I'm baffled by parents apparently being so hung up on seeing the very first time something happens that they expect other adults to lie to them. It's bizarre.

But how do they know when they’re allowed to talk about it? Are they waiting for me to tell them he’s taken his first steps? What if I don’t tell them! We end up playing this game of weird chicken?! 🤣😂

i have never ever ever heard of this rule. So I don’t know how well known it can be.

That's shitty of them.

If you see a child take their first steps, you don't tell the parent!

Same.
baffled. I’d be furious if the nursery kept info about my child’s development from me in case they were worried I’d be upset about “missing out”. 🥴

Oh dear lord. Maybe he did take his first steps and they were excited about it?! Were they supposed to keep it a secret? Personally I’d like to know !

What?? How were the nursery to know it was their first steps? should a nursery not tell a parent anything a child has done in case they hadn’t done it at home first?

honestly I am baffled by people’s desire to “experience” these things directly. I care about my child developing and learning and growing - I don’t care about me witnessing any firsts because it’s not about me.

I think it boils down to intention.
Were they just .. encouraging their grandchild to walk between the 2 of them..? Because that sounds really normal to me! I think everyone does that to a child when they're at that stage. Perhaps your child took their first step, maybe they didn't. It's nice that they were so excited to be involved though and happy for your son! It's better than having in laws that are ignoring your child when you leave the room!

Or they were trying to get a rise out of you and are just making comments to be spiteful. I don't know them or how they said it 😅

You say that your PILs are convinced that their way of doing things is right, but TBH they had your child walking (to whatever degree) while you were in the loo for 5 minutes. So maybe in this instance they were right?

I find that absolutely bonkers. I was clear with our nursery staff I wanted to know if either of mine did anything new. Whether or not they took their actual first steps with someone else it would still be the first time I saw them.

I would have felt massively patronised if I thought staff were lying to me. Even more so if it was my own parents or PIL.

I had read online nursery staff are trained to do this. I assumed it was a joke but glad I did read it so just in case it wasn't a joke I was able to tell them not to do it with me.

That is very poor form

Most decent nurseries have the mantra that a child never takes their first steps at nursery

Yanbu I think my eldest took her first steps at nursery but they never told me which I'm grateful for so I can now pretend I saw her first steps and live in happy denial about it

I didn’t see my little ones first steps either, I was at work, I was just excited they’d started walking. Sounds like there’s probably more to this with your in-laws though?

My dd took her first steps when I was at work. My family rightfully never told me so I got to have my moment. I guessed it years later and my mum admitted it. What your in laws did sucks. I'd be angry.

Well, tell him to pipe down and see less of him? He sounds insufferable.

If you can do it convincingly, tell them that actually that wasn't the first time the baby did the walking-while-having-his-hands-held thing, but you don't count that as his first steps.

I saw a friends baby take her first steps, when I was babysitting.

I have never mentioned it to her parents , her father told me a couple of days later that she was nearly walking, and her official first steps were about a week later.

I keep it as a happy secret, and it makes me smile inwardly when I see her (she's at university now)

Because, whether or not they were making it up, they were being spiteful and making a 'point'

So they are arses

its about your child taking THEIR first steps. not about who documented it. did you expect your in laws not to try and encourage your child to walk at 13 months? I dont understand those saying they would have lied or not mentioned it or been upset with nursery for mentioning they walked there. We are mothers not owners, we want the best for our children. do you want to be there when they have their first kiss too?

Nah if I was inlaw I would have lied or not mentioned it.

If makes u feel better mine took first steps at daycare. The way I looked at it was that I was seeing them take their first steps with me

I have looked after both my grandchildren since small, and I told my husband that if either of them walked for us before my DD and son in law, we would never mention it; we never did. It's unnecessary and unkind to steal moment like that, especially if mum has to work.

This! I was actually there for the first steps, but I don't remember it. I do remember when dc managed to walk six steps alone, mainly because it was filmed.