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Original poster

How do you cope when badly unwell as a single mum? with

62 replies

TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 10:58

Just looking for any tips and advice.

I currently have Whooping cough. Just for context my GP sent me to hospital when I was diagnosed and they wanted to admit me but I had to get home to my DC. So I have it pretty bad. Awful coughing keeps me awake at night. Every time I go to get up the coughing starts and I am on the verge of fainting (have fainted a couple of times). Then I feel so wobbly walking. I'm so tired and weak and have an awful headache. So I'm really struggling. My DC are 16 and 12.

Complicating factor is 12yo probably caught whooping cough first but just had cold symptoms for a couple of weeks, pretty much ok now but not quite 100%. 16yo I think has it now, hoping he will not develop the cough but he has cold symptoms and very tired/headachy.

I feel so unwell I can't think straight. The house is going to shit. I've only managed to put a load of washing on everyday and hung it to dry a bit at a time. Nothing has been put away. Sink full of dishes. We haven't had dinner quite a bit. Just eating whatever is easy. Although I don't really have an appetite and DS has a reduced appetite. I've done a bit of tidying up but it's so hard when coughing and needing to lie down.

DS would usually do a lot more, but is sleeping lots which I want to encourage to help him recover and hopefully not get the cough. He's done a bit of washing up, wiped kitchen sides and has made food. Put bins out. I don't really want to ask too much of him as he's feeling so unwell. I'm scared of how long this illness is going to go on as it can last for many weeks. I have ordered some takeaways but can't afford too many.

Sorry, this is just a ramble. I don't know if it makes much sense. But any tips would be good.

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 08/04/2024 12:36

Mine would happily live off sandwiches, soup, toast, boiled eggs for a while.

Are you in the uk?

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:35

DoYouWantMeToBeTheCat · 08/04/2024 12:10

Book a one off clean for yourself next week if you can afford it.

a local laundrette will do a wash + dry service which I do when we’re out of energy.

Then any energy you have can go on tidying up.

Choose easy healthy meals, tins of soup etc.

Good ideas, thank you.

OP posts:
fridaynightdinner12346 · 08/04/2024 12:34

Bless you for being so unwell OP but I was expecting you to say your kids were tiny! I'm off work with flu and am a single mum to a 13 year old; she's happy just chilling with iPad, she's walked the dog for me and been into town on her own and used her pocket money to buy herself some Lego flowers to make (and me some real flowers), she's kept me supplied with water and made herself basic food (soup, sandwiches, scrambled eggs etc). It sucks i can barely move off sofa to do anything with her but wow it's so much easier than when she was younger! My laundry and washing up pile is growing and the house is a state but I know soon as I'm well in few days ill be able to crack on and sort it.Hope you get well soon xx

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:33

Willyoujustbequiet · 08/04/2024 12:04

You poor thing. Unless you've been in that position it's hard for anyone to appreciate how difficult it can be.

I need surgery but can't have it as there is no one else and I worry what would happen in case of complications.

I have nothing but utter contempt for absent fathers in these situations.

I'm sorry to hear that.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:32

EdgarsTale · 08/04/2024 12:00

Do you not have any friends, neighbours or family at all to help you? That’s a very sad situation. I’m sure someone would help if you asked them.

I do have a friend but she is away for the Easter holidays. I have a brother but they do not live close. They would have the DC to stay but as Whooping cough is so contagious we can't risk it at the moment.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/04/2024 12:29

EdgarsTale · 08/04/2024 12:00

Do you not have any friends, neighbours or family at all to help you? That’s a very sad situation. I’m sure someone would help if you asked them.

In fairness, it's not like a broken leg or something. When you are heaving with unpleasant infectious germs you probably prefer to pull up the drawbridge for a week.

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:29

Sartre · 08/04/2024 11:59

I read this expecting you to say they were small children. Realise the youngest has SEN but the eldest at 16 can and should be pulling his weight. I left home at 16 and fended for myself which I realise is not a usual thing to do but I coped with it, some people have children at 16 too. Your eldest should be helping you out a lot more, basically.

As I said the eldest has SEN too. Also he is ill as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:28

iLovee · 08/04/2024 11:57

You poor love! Sounds absolutely dreadful.

So long as everyone is fed - takeaways/ready meals etc I would ignore the housework totally and rest as much as you can!

Hope you are okay xx

Thank you ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:27

Motomum23 · 08/04/2024 11:56

Go on amazon. Order a bunch of disposable bowls/plates/cups. Eat takeaway/ready meals/easily prepared stuff. Forget what's already dirty if you can.... clothing can go in the washing machine and tumble drier and be put on wrinkly, leave it unsorted and just pull what you need. Remember it will pass - don't knock yourself out trying to keep up.

Thanks for the tips.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:25

heartbrokenof · 08/04/2024 11:55

Be thankful they are 16 and 12 and not 4 and 1

Oh gosh, I know! It was even more of a nightmare when they were tiny! Luckily I was never this ill then. Every time I cough I go all funny and my limbs are jerking - the worst illness I've ever had - worse than COVID (which I was hospitalised for).

OP posts:
SpaghettiWithaYeti · 08/04/2024 12:17

It's rotten..

Lower your standards - toast /ready meals etc for food. Leave the washing, if you are ill just wear the same clothes more? You aren't leaving the house anyway. Housework can wait.

Or ask around for a one off clean if it is really distressing you.

I've been there, it's brutal, but part of surviving is just to do the least you can so that you can rest.

DoYouWantMeToBeTheCat · 08/04/2024 12:10

Book a one off clean for yourself next week if you can afford it.

a local laundrette will do a wash + dry service which I do when we’re out of energy.

Then any energy you have can go on tidying up.

Choose easy healthy meals, tins of soup etc.

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 12:05

funinthesun19 · 08/04/2024 11:49

Back in October I had an absolutely horrendous tummy bug. I’m a single mum of 4 and it was a really grim few days.

I completely zoned out from the house work and rested as much as I could. It just wasn’t worth the stress. I told myself when I’m better I will tackle it all, but just do the absolute basics I could for the time being.

I was really lucky that at that time I had the money to afford takeaways and Uber eats for groceries. Otherwise I think it would have been even worse. My ds helped me to make sandwiches for lunch. If I didn’t have the money, I would have struggled a lot to cook anything, so it would have been really simple meals I could just throw in the oven like fish fingers. No way would I have made anything more extravagant than that.

When it came to baths and showers, only my 12 year old had a bath because he was older and could obviously be left unsupervised . My younger children didn’t have one for about 3 days. Baby wipes were my friend. We didn’t have to be anywhere anyway because it was half term.

In summary, don’t try and do everything if you don’t have to. It will pass soon. I hope you get better quickly! x

Thank you so much. I'm so glad it is the holidays! But not sure what I'll do if I'm still this unwell when they are due to go back. DS could do some of taking/picking up DD but not on the days he's in college. My GP said this phase of Whooping cough could last 8 weeks!! The cough is so bad you don't feel like you can breath. And it makes you vomit, wet yourself and faint 😷

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 08/04/2024 12:04

You poor thing. Unless you've been in that position it's hard for anyone to appreciate how difficult it can be.

I need surgery but can't have it as there is no one else and I worry what would happen in case of complications.

I have nothing but utter contempt for absent fathers in these situations.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 08/04/2024 12:02

Honestly op, low standards.

Buy stuff in like micro burgers, sandwich things, microwave pasta, snacks.

Buy baby wipes in and dry shampoo too.

Do what you can, when you can, the more you rest the quicker you'll recover.

Hope you all get better soon.

EdgarsTale · 08/04/2024 12:00

Do you not have any friends, neighbours or family at all to help you? That’s a very sad situation. I’m sure someone would help if you asked them.

Sartre · 08/04/2024 11:59

I read this expecting you to say they were small children. Realise the youngest has SEN but the eldest at 16 can and should be pulling his weight. I left home at 16 and fended for myself which I realise is not a usual thing to do but I coped with it, some people have children at 16 too. Your eldest should be helping you out a lot more, basically.

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 11:58

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 08/04/2024 11:34

You poor thing. I’m sorry, it sounds very difficult. Maybe something like Gousto would help with meals - still need to be cooked but ingredients all portioned etc. You can usually get lots of money off when you first sign up.

Thank you. This could be good for DS make it a bit easier while he gets better.

OP posts:
iLovee · 08/04/2024 11:57

You poor love! Sounds absolutely dreadful.

So long as everyone is fed - takeaways/ready meals etc I would ignore the housework totally and rest as much as you can!

Hope you are okay xx

Motomum23 · 08/04/2024 11:56

Go on amazon. Order a bunch of disposable bowls/plates/cups. Eat takeaway/ready meals/easily prepared stuff. Forget what's already dirty if you can.... clothing can go in the washing machine and tumble drier and be put on wrinkly, leave it unsorted and just pull what you need. Remember it will pass - don't knock yourself out trying to keep up.

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 11:56

femfemlicious · 08/04/2024 11:31

Order loads of ready meals. Not ideal but stop mess from cooking. Your kids are old enough to not be messy

You don't know my 12yo! 😂

OP posts:
heartbrokenof · 08/04/2024 11:55

Be thankful they are 16 and 12 and not 4 and 1

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 11:53

Stressfordays · 08/04/2024 11:29

Forget the housework until you feel better. Focus on feeling better. Order in a load of pot noodles and ready meals. Kids that age are happy with toast and cereal too, it's not a big deal for a week or 2 while you recover.

I'll do that, thanks. I just really hope it's only a week or 2. It can last for many weeks. Was a little unwell for a week, then this awful for a week so far...Need to try and have a shower today as feel so dirty but afraid of fainting in the shower.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 08/04/2024 11:49

Back in October I had an absolutely horrendous tummy bug. I’m a single mum of 4 and it was a really grim few days.

I completely zoned out from the house work and rested as much as I could. It just wasn’t worth the stress. I told myself when I’m better I will tackle it all, but just do the absolute basics I could for the time being.

I was really lucky that at that time I had the money to afford takeaways and Uber eats for groceries. Otherwise I think it would have been even worse. My ds helped me to make sandwiches for lunch. If I didn’t have the money, I would have struggled a lot to cook anything, so it would have been really simple meals I could just throw in the oven like fish fingers. No way would I have made anything more extravagant than that.

When it came to baths and showers, only my 12 year old had a bath because he was older and could obviously be left unsupervised . My younger children didn’t have one for about 3 days. Baby wipes were my friend. We didn’t have to be anywhere anyway because it was half term.

In summary, don’t try and do everything if you don’t have to. It will pass soon. I hope you get better quickly! x

Original poster
TotoroElla · 08/04/2024 11:48

RoomOfRequirement · 08/04/2024 11:27

At 12 and 16 they don't need looking after.

You can clean the house when you're better. Order easy food for meals.

My SEN 12 yo does.

OP posts:
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