Am I unreasonable leaving to drop my dd

He's basically jealous of your daughter. Or rather, that you've chosen her over him on this occasion. That's how he'll see it anyway.

He sounds insecure and pathetic.

Sounds like he can't be bothered to put himself out even a tiny bit for some else, you leave his house early to WFH but he refuses to do the same, he wants company at the gym and doesn't care what anyone else wants/needs + zero regards for the fact your choice is either doing what he wants (going to the gym) or doing what you're daughter needs but at no point giving your own wants/needs any consideration, you're just having to choose between taking care of a grown man or a 15yr old. Take care of yourself for a bit OP, doesn't sound like he will.

I’d like to know why his last relationship/marriage broke down. I can understand frustration at his assumed plans didn’t go to plan, but surely with 4 DC between you, things change depending on their needs. Personally if my Partner told me not to return after drop off, he clearly doesn’t show that he cares for you, sorry.

Yes you are being unreasonable for having a low enough opinion of yourself that you even need to ask. Dump the creep now. Set a better example for your daughter.

Sorry but you’ve got yourself into another abusive relationship and need to ditch him.

Yes, I do often wonder how I’ve managed to get myself into this situation. He does treat me amazingly well most, I’m starting to realise though that it’s only when he is getting his own way

He's literally trained you like a dog,

My eyebrows almost shot off my face reading your OP. What an absolute tool he sounds.

And it's bollocks that he doesn't like coming to your house because your ex used to like there. He just can't be arsed.

He's a man who likes everyone to dance to the beat of his drum. He doesn't want his life disrupted at all.

I can't get over what a dick he was about it all.

Almost without fail, when people post about jealous, possessive, stubborn men who are controlling and demanding, they always use the word "amazing" to describe their other behaviours and without fail, this makes it worse.

Of course he treats you "amazingly" well at other times. Except that he doesn't. I don't know at what point you became conditioned to accept "sometimes he pretends or appears to be a normal person" as "amazing", but I can guarantee it only happened so that you let the other awful behaviour go.

He's not a good partner. Sometimes he doesn't behave terribly.

That's probably the best of it.

Life is too short to be dealing with insecure, controlling men. Things do not need to be this way. Team dump him asap.

Your life sounds very full on OP. Do you enjoy it and get time to look after yourself and tour own needs?

I just don't get posts like this. Don't get it.

Having a boyfriend isn't compulsory. If he's not making you happy, dump him.

Learn to like being single.

It is a billion times a nicer life than this nonsense.

I think he’s a walking red flag 🚩**

I thought this too.

The biggest one is him not visiting your home because your ex lived there.

He sounds draining and he's work at best and for that alone I'd be walking. But I fear he's worse.

I would 100% ditch him. You shouldn't have to sit a grown man down to explain what he already clearly knows. He will absolutely know that this relationship is unbalanced and that's just how he wants it. I wouldn't give him the time of day.

When he said don't come back, I'm afraid I would have said, 'I won't... ever!', and left never to go back (unless things changed drastically). So bloody rude.

I wouldn't necessarily just ditch him, but I think you definitely need to sit him down and tell him how unbalanced the situation has become. You can't do all the running and then be shouted at for a basic task of dropping your DD somewhere that really didn't inconvenience or affect him at all. If he apologises and agrees to do better I.e visits you in your home and puts himself out for you a bit more ongoing then maybe he's worth sticking with. If not then I'm in team dump.

I would be suspicious that the reason he won’t come to yours (your ex) is due to territorial male issues which I see as jealous and controlling.

Was he jealous and resentful that you prioritised DD’s needs over his wants?

What would your Dd have done if not gone to meet the boy? Stayed at his on her own while you went to the gym?

Who looks after your dog while you are at his?

Is your 15 yo Dd home alone for the w/ e if she doesn’t go with you? And on weekdays? 15 year olds need their social life with friends , not to trail round after their Mum , watching her trail round after a man!

He’s controlling. End it.

Poor bloody cat.

And that's a huge red flag OP. Controlling.

So as a grown man, he was upset that your daughter needed you to take her somewhere, so you took her instead of taking him where her wanted to go???
Why does his social life trump your daughters? Especially as she's 15 and going with you and supporting your relationship, so seemed to me is acting more mature than than the grown "man".
I'd stay home, let him make some effort, you have 2 kids, and 2 pets full time, he has much more "free" time to come see you. Let him show your that your worth the effort

None of that is amazing. It sounds like massive red flags and controlling. I’d also be really really wary of how this is being presented to your daughter. Do not let her think this is ok behaviour to accept from a man. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

Time to stop letting him have his way. This knobber was angry you did something for your child and punished you for it.

Tell him you need to alternate with him driving over every other weekend.

He doesn’t sound like he treats you amazingly well. Are you just putting up with mediocre because it seems like a dream after an abusive ex??

Now think about how this all looks to your children.