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Original poster

To feel sad about having to go back full time to work

31 replies

MLC2017 · 07/04/2024 23:09

So me and my DH have been together 13 years, married for almost 9 and we have a 6 year old who came home to us through adoption at 16 months. I currently work part time 22.5 hours, which I increased when my Dd started school from 18.5 hours. Since January I have picked up an additional temp contract making my work week 32.5 hours. This has just been extended until the end of May. I have the opportunity to step up come September to full time, there would be some flexibility to allow me to wfh after school pick ups etc. financially we are just about afloat without the additional hours I am doing but we have a large chunk of debt that we are trying to clear. We decided for this reason and the fact that we don’t have a huge support system and my DH also has football, additional commitments and work a fair distance from home that we wouldn’t be able to go through the process again to have another child as originally planned last year, something I’ve come to terms with. Now I have the opportunity to go full time, I feel very torn and sad about this. Financially we would benefit hugely from the opportunity, but I am largely responsible for the childcare around school, and the main bulk of the home, as well as responsible for finances and arranging all childcare and child activities when not at school. I feel worn out already with the extra ive been doing and I feel like I’m already being torn apart with guilt every time I miss something. My DH things I’d be silly not to go for the full time role, but I don’t think he’s getting the full implications, and only thinking about the financial aspect. I feel a little like I’m being cheated out of the opportunity to be at home with my DD for a little longer, but at the same time, the financial stress we have had in the last year is something I also dread going back to once the extra hours are gone. I’m also surrounded by a lovely group of friends who are amazing, but seem to manage much better, have nicer tidier houses, and work less, and I guess I feel sad that we don’t seem to be able to cope.

OP posts:
Ellysa · 08/04/2024 07:20

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Hereyoume · 08/04/2024 07:09

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Seahorsesplendour · 08/04/2024 06:33

Hi OP I’m in a similar position I currently work 30 hours and have the offer of completing a new qualification but would have to work full time to do it. We also have an adopted 6 year old. I couldn’t consider it if we didn’t have family help. Or LO would struggle with being in formal child care but we are lucky with our support network.

Please don’t compare your situation to others we only ever see what people want us to,

If your child can cope with it then have a frank discussion with your husband about how you could make it work for all of you and discuss with work can they be flexible around school events as well as after school.

life can be overwhelming but equally a change of routine etc can sometimes be a positive challenge if we have the capacity to grow with it and it won’t have a huge detrimental effect on others. Only you can know what’s right for you. A new routine would be needed with your husbands help could this work for you all as a family?

Would working ft mean you could afford a cleaner once a month for example to deep clean so you & do can keep on top for rest of month?

would work let you trial for a few months??

are there other ways to pay off your debt?

good luck in your decision making , change is hard! I hope whatever you decide works out for you!!

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 06:05

Your DH is going to have to give up football. He needs to pick up more housework

Runnerinthenight · 07/04/2024 23:21

Lots of us manage to work FT around a family, and yes, it's not easy, but you do what you have to do. What your DH needs to realise is that he is going to have to step up, to take on his fair share of the mental load and physical work involved in having a child and running a house.

What you do with your child is that you make the time you have together count, make it quality time. Plenty of parents are with their children for more hours but not interacting with them.

Getting your finances sorted would be a huge weight off your mind, and maybe then you could go through the adoption process again, if that is what you want to do?

Bel43 · 07/04/2024 23:21

Have you worked out exactly how much you would benefit after tax/NI/any other income related deductions, commuting etc? How desperately do you need that difference? Is there anything you can cut down on? I went from 3 days a week to 2 days a week when everything was feeling a bit overwhelming and it made an enormous difference. The whole family would say was more than worth it and actually didn’t notice any difference financially (although it did reduce our childcare)

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