Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws come most months to stay for 5-7 days. Hubby thinks this isn’t enough.

297 replies

BrainAddled · 07/04/2024 22:47

In-laws come down from up north about once a month/every six weeks and stay in our house for 5-7 days. Hubby thinks this is not enough and wants us to go there every school holiday that he has time off and gets all cold with me when I don’t want to (the kids don’t want to go which is the main reason). I don’t want to get into it all but they are not easy people to get on with-they challenge and question everything anyone does and upset me and the kids every time we see them. I tell my hubby this and he says ‘sorry about that’ but expects me to carry on as normal. I know he resents me because I don’t want to see them even more, which I think is unreasonable and make me feel sad. Any thoughts? How often and for how long do you all see your in-laws?

OP posts:
Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2024 23:20

I never heard the like, simply ridiculous

GeniusLevelJaffaCake · 07/04/2024 23:19

My in laws come to see us for 3 nights, 3-4 times per year. They live about 4 hours away from us. We visit occasionally but they're not set up for teenagers, so it's easier for them to come to us.

Molonty · 07/04/2024 23:18

PickAChew · 07/04/2024 22:53

If he wants to stillive with mummy and daddy, he needs to bugger off back to them.

Agree. That honestly would make me want to leave if I have to spend my life with these people in my face every time I turn around. And then to do it all again over all holidays?? And then to be under pressure and tension because you don't want to, that's not a way to live. Send him back to his mummy.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/04/2024 23:13

Fuck that was my instant reaction before reading he wants you to go there in the holidays.

I wouldn't be going there as they upset the kids (and you). No fucking way. Tell him you're not stopping him going, but you will not go & you will not let the children be subject to them without you.

let him sulk.

Cornishclio · 07/04/2024 23:12

That is a lot. Tell him to go up and visit them.

AllEars112232 · 07/04/2024 23:08

How often do you see your parents?

PamPamPamPam · 07/04/2024 23:07

And how often does your husband host and visit your family?

SleepPrettyDarling · 07/04/2024 23:05

So they ‘live’ with you 20% of the time?!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/04/2024 23:04

Good grief, that is way way way too much.

And I say that as someone who loves my in laws, and regularly has my parents to stay. (My in laws only live half a mile away.)

Timeforachocolate · 07/04/2024 23:03

He can take the children with him.

i think I would be very busy for their next visit
… so he can entertain.

Charlie2121 · 07/04/2024 22:59

That is beyond ridiculous and incredibly unreasonable. It would be a relationship deal breaker for me.

I see my in laws for perhaps an hour or 2 every few months, certainly no more than 3 or 4 times a year. If I didn’t initiate things I suspect it would be even less as DH doesn’t seem bothered.

I can’t remember the last time my DH saw my parents. It’ll be a few years ago, probably pre-Covid lockdown times.

storminabuttercup · 07/04/2024 22:59

Fuck that. It's too much time to spend with anyone you don't choose to live with.

TheBell · 07/04/2024 22:56

No way!

2chocolateoranges · 07/04/2024 22:54

Wow, that’s far too often as it is.

a weekend every couple of months would be suffice.

as the children get older they will have plans with friends at the weekend.

Houseplantmad · 07/04/2024 22:54

Why can’t he go and visit his parents in his own. It’s not an unusual thing to do. I don’t see why you should host so frequently - it would be far too much for me.

theduchessofspork · 07/04/2024 22:53

That’s an awful lot. A guests are like fish - they start to stink after 3 days.

There is absolutely no way I would put up with more than an annual visit of that length (or two if it’s one each way or one is a shared holiday) and I don’t know anyone else who would.

I like my in laws BTW, they live about an hour a way, we see them as a family once a month or 6 weeks at most, usually an overnight. My partner might see them once in between times. We’d do a longer stay once or twice a year, taking turns to host or going away, usually 4 nights though not 7.

PickAChew · 07/04/2024 22:53

If he wants to stillive with mummy and daddy, he needs to bugger off back to them.

Icannoteven · 07/04/2024 22:52

Yanbu. That is a LOT of Time to spend with your in-laws and I like mine!

If you are going to theirs every school holiday then when do you get to spend meaningful time together as a family? What about going away on holiday?

It sounds like he has a very enmeshed relationship with his parents. Does your husband not realise that YOU and the kids are his family now?

wearefreespirits · 07/04/2024 22:51

I actually think I'd leave if I was in this position. I'm far too introverted to handle this kind of schedule in my home.

Does he stand up for you when the IL's criticise? He should.

Caerulea · 07/04/2024 22:51

That feels like an awful lot already tbh. I don't think you're unreasonable to ask that's dialled back let alone put your foot down on the holidays too.

Can't they move down closer rather than monthly lengthy trips?

Koptforitagain · 07/04/2024 22:50

You see them a lot already. Frankly that much would drive me nuts. I would hate having them in my house. I think your DH needs a reality check.

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/04/2024 22:50

OP this is too much. My in-laws were lovely but I maybe saw them once a fortnight or so for a few hours. This is too much. Your DH can see his parents, the DC will have lives to lead of their own. A couple of days at a time, no more.