This post is going to come across as super desperate. I don't let these thoughts out in polite society, but this is MN and I'm laying myself bare. Also apologies in advance that being succinct is not a key skill of mine.
I think my OH and I are good people. We enjoy hosting BBQs, annual events or low key after school hangs. We're the kind of people who'll bring you a chocolate bar just because, or offer to pick up your kid from school. I love random acts of kindness, helping people and organising things. People they say things which suggest we're good company and good hosts. But we hardly ever hear from or see friends or family unless we instigate the get together and it's making us both feel rather disconnected from the people were meant to consider friends. Don't get me wrong, I don't host/do acts of kindness in expectation that they are reciprocated. I genuinely like to do it. But I guess I did hope that we would find a group of mates who we ended up seeing regularly who would become the inner sanctum and we'd all help each other out and enjoy one anothers company. Especially now we're in the school years and a good number of our crew don't have any family support networks close-by.
We've lived in our area for about 6 years now, most of the people we knew from baby groups have ended up in the same primary school as DS. We often hear on a Monday that people have hung out together over the weekend. I've asked outright once with people I know best/trust most and the feedback seems to be that we come across as very busy people. One person said I seem to be someone who has everything together and doesn't really need anyone else. This was after a family bereavement when I was an absolute shell of a human. I outright said that this isn't the case and said we're open to more social invites, and at times have been super honest on how lonely I am, but nothing has changed.
Over the past year I've suggested:
- a regular pub night with school parents
- that some mum friends and I get together to try a social sport like climbing as a regular or semi regular thing. We agreed Tuesday evenings work for everyone...literally hasn't happened once.
- my OH has tried to get people together for a pub night or darts at ours
- something really low key like just coming over for a hang in case it's a budget thing
- tried to instigate a weekly hang after school in a local playground just as a regular thing in the routine
- have asked people about festivals or camping trips or something during the school holidays
None of the above have taken off. People don't seem to commit in advance and then when asked closer to the time they're busy. It all seems so innocent, people seem to forget/be overwhelmed by life. It doesn't seem malicious or anything. Trying to be super breezy about it, not hounding people or being outwardly as needy as I sound in this post but seriously this can't be normal?!
I'd love nothing more than a good group of mates who I see on a weekly basis. Or fortnightly if weekly is unrealistic. I'd even take monthly!! Just something I can rely on. But I seem to be missing a trick on how this happens. I'm so fricking lonely. Maybe everyone is just lying and we're actually dull as shit?! Idk how to not take it personally or make it better.