To throw DD's things in the bin!

You just called a 16 year old girl a dirty little toad?

Good grief.

Totally agree.

Wow! Rather than rampaging in, could you try supporting her? You know, like a parent…. 😬🤦🏻‍♀️

I disagree.

Kids who are used to the expectation of getting a lot done every day tend to get it all done. They learn self-discipline and time management, and to prioritise.

Kids who are cosseted and allowed or made to focus solely on their all-important studies can often end up failing to maximize their grades.

Please don't flame me, but I rather like people who "couldn't care less" and are hopelessly unorganised! I especially like her blase approach to her schoolwork. I think it is just because I am actually quite old and I have had experience with totalitarian regimes and their longer history. So I like those who naturally "rebel" and also those who simply cannot be herded...

I do appreciate it must be exasperating for you, of course, while doing well in your exams is an important investment for the future. But I still think those who cannot or do not conform are the "salt of the earth". I know this is the wrong approach to have; please do not flame me!!

YANBU - there should be a bare minimum she should be doing. Bringing dishes down, putting rubbish in the bin and putting dirty clothes in the washing basket for them to be washed. If she wants to make a mess of her stuff then that’s up to her but I would expect this as a minimum.

i would also not be allowing her to take my stuff if she was going to disrespect it.

my dad did this to us when we were younger and I don’t hate it for it either so don’t listen to what other people are saying.

good luck OP

No I’m sorry but she is 16 not 6, let her hit the roof. When she can afford to replace the things she breaking or the carpet /bedding she is ruining then maybe she can have more of a say. I think you have been more than reasonable. I would take her phone/ipad off her until it’s done. She wants to act like a child she can be treated like one. I am sure it won’t end up with her in therapy or hating you as other people have said. I was made to clean my room and look after things when I was younger and I don’t hate my parents for it or need therapy.

I think what’s needed here is firmness but also kindness. To be honest I’d be worried about the mental health of a teen whose room was this bad, particularly with exams coming up.
Sit down with her. Tell her you are prepared to help her gut it one last time but after that things have got to change.
Decide what you can reasonably let go- you probably have to pick your battles. Letting her get her own clothes and make up that she has bought into a mess is her lookout. She’ll have no clean clothes and her friends will tease her, natural consequences. She’ll soon learn to get into a routine of doing laundry. And she will do her own laundry including bedding that she has messed with makeup. Ditto with studying. Provide what support you can but ultimately it’s down to her to get organised and find a system that works for her. Other things are non- negotiable. She must not take your stuff. You will charge her for anything that is lost/damaged/not returned within a reasonable time. Better yet, get a lock on your door. Get her some plastic cups and plates until she can learn to take care of glasses and not endanger herself, other family members and the poor dog! I would be forbidding her from having food and drink in there until she can learn to be responsible.

That’s not the same ffs!!!

Having coped with GCEs myself and GCSEs with my children I think she can spare the time.
And revising will be easier in a clean clear room

Because GCSE season is extremely stressful.

After exams, fair enough, but during exams kids need extra support and understanding.

I disagree.

It's really not the same

... And which animals live in a pigsty?

Yeah and the OP says she already tried many other ways,including "asking nicely"...she shouldn't need to ask, at 16 she should keep her room tidy , it's hardly time consuming to keep on top of 1 room!

I'd sort between the irreparably broken things and the stuff that's dirty, and tell her to help you clean the dirty things. To wash the laundry, scrub the gunk on the carpet, etc.

Tell her how shocked and upset you were to stand on the broken glass, that the dog was there could have cut himself on it too, that he could've eaten a food that was bad for him/swallowed food packaging and that you might not have realised in order to take him to the vet.

Then ask her to confide in you if things are getting on top so that you can help before it gets bad. It's easy to let things go, and harder to decide where to start when they're out of control.

Edit: I'd also tell her how much your wrecked stuff is, and that any more of that and she will be expected to replace it with her money.

Why? She's clearly able to hold down a job. She made the mess, she can sort through the crap

Heres a tip: wild rice looks like mouse poo, maybe leave some on some of her clothes or in her bed and let her know she needs to sort the mess out as mice have moved in.

YANBU at all, she clearly has far too much stuff if you collected five bin bags worth of items she hasn’t looked after!

I agree, leave her to wallow in her own shit.

Totally agree with this post.

Yeah I have ADHD so you’re not unique. But I have respect for others as well.

I can't stand "end of" either.

It's like Phil Mitchell is laying down his law on Mumsnet 🙄

The same. Both had trashed teen bedrooms at one point or another and both have show homes (well one is a bit full of stuff)

Why Starbucks specifically?