Divorcing a teacher

If you have lots of money for clubs and they like going, then 50/50 seems fine. If not, it might be wise for you dh to have your dc in the holiday & you take a little bit of time off too. Will you still go on holiday together?

she said she wants to do 50/50 not FT with her which is what he’s suggesting

If you wfh and have flexibility I would do 50/50 school holidays. Your DC are getting to an age where they can occupy themselves for a couple of hours and you could split your day/work more hours on the weeks that you done have them (if your employer allows).

Do you have much equity in your property OP? The ideal option rather than one parent stay in the family home and the other rent is to sell the house and both buy properties that are cheaper and more affordable.

Pretty sure teachers are actually [ie contractually] meant to ‘work’ during the school holidays - marking, lesson planning, resource designing and the odd in person or on-line CPE/training?
Not the case. Most teachers are contracted to be at work 195 a year for the directed budget. During that time our employer can direct our work.
There's a clause about reasonable duties to exercise our jobs, and that's why a lot of planning and marking is completed outside of directed time. It's similar to other salaries professional roles where work beyond the office hours is required. The issue in schools is that workload is often unreasonable and that's how it eats into holidays, but we cannot be directed to work in our holidays.

The exception is for staff on the leadership spine. They have different terms and conditions and the major difference is not being bound by the directed time budget.

Unless he’d like that to go on record during a court proceeding to discuss the custody agreement, that’s kind of tough. The assumption is that he is supposed to be working… please don’t let his lax attitude to work dent your confidence in your right to a full 50/50 split, including over the summer holidays.

Why does she think the same about him then ? She's going to be working but not wanting kids to be with Dad

Some parents are mature enough to do what's best for their children, rather than exercise pure spite.

Well no, not these days when a clean break is preferred. Unless there is sufficient money for the parent who doesn’t keep the house to receive funds equivalent to its value, the norm is for it to be sold and the equity split.

Pretty sure teachers are actually [ie contractually] meant to ‘work’ during the school holidays - marking, lesson planning, resource designing and the odd in person or on-line CPE/training?

Contractually it’s literally the opposite of this. Teacher contracts specify 1265 hours over 195 ‘directed’ days. Most teachers do work in the holidays but can’t be directed to do so.

I think 100% school holidays is unreasonable, but it would make far more sense for him to look after them for free when willing and able to do so, rather than put them in childcare. If they want to go to camp or whatever, can be a conversation about that, but him having 3 weeks and you having 2 might work well. You could use the money you would have spent on summer childcare to have a nice 2 week holiday with the kids for your part of the summer holiday.

Could you argue for them to go to him during the daytimes in the holidays and then they come "home" for all bar a few overnights?

Would that be better?

And also you can take them away on holiday for a week or 2 using your days off to.

Remember if he's a teacher his Inset days may not line up with your DCs school so you may have to cover those yourself to.

Hes playing you for a fool OP. He wants to do thr easy holiday parenting and have you pay CMS. Do not give into this

13 weeks of school is 7.5 each so that's only 8 or sp days you would need CC. Imo it's good for kids to do clubs (im a SAHM and my kids are doing tennis camp next week/i used to stay with GPs in the summer as a "treat" even tho my mum was SAH).

seeing as you can finish at 3pm there's no argument that it will be a long day and you could also take parental leave.

New found parent of the year my arse!

You need to get advice from a really good family lawyer - he’s being unreasonable and the arrangements you make for your weeks are up to you. The day is longer than 9-5 and you obviously want to see your children out of those hours.
Being a teacher does not give him more rights to the family home either; I would not trust him at all.

I suspect he's suggested this:

a) to be a dick
b) to get the house

I don't think he gets the whole school holidays no.
I also don't think he should have weeks and you all weekends because if you're working full time that is exhausting and means he can have the benefit of child free time when his friends / girlfriend (when he gets one) are off work

He also should not get the family home unless you can afford an equally good home.

However as a divorced parent I would always want my ex to spend time with the dc if I'm at work and he is free ( but that's because my children are older and definitely wouldn't want to be in any kind of childcare so if I'm at work they are home alone ). For us he wouldn't expect that to mean the nights aswell, he would just provide entertainment/ meals etc during the working day, is that an option for you?

In terms of the split of custody and who gets the house it partly depends on who is currently the primary carer. In my case it was undeniably me which meant I could specify what I thought was best for the children ( within reason ) and I got a higher split of custody.

Honestly the finances are a totally separate issue but I've of the view where kids are so young it's always better to be with a parent than jn holiday clubs ( speaking as a parent where we both work and our kids did them abs enjoyed then)

I would stick with 50/50 being a teacher doesn't absolve him of being a parent. I would say yes to lots of holiday time but no to no week day time - its not right that the kids only get to see him occasional weekend and holidays - if he wants to be part of their life he needs week contact time and actually being a teacher should make that easier and he needs to adjust to that - he clearly hasn't been doing his fair share to date - how does all this fit around your work etc

He is also arguing this is reason for him to stay in family home
Is this what you want?
How would it affect each of you, financially?

His plans for the children will probably involve arranging something that is to his own advantage. You need legal advice, and to think through, very carefully, how you will be affected.

Do not agree to anything until you have had legal advice. And remember that lawyers aren't infallible. My divorce solicitor was a complete prat.

Summer hols are 6-7 weeks so 3-3.5 weeks each if yoy are 50/50. You’ll want maybe two to go on a holiday of some sort so they’re only in “childcare” 1 or 1.5 weeks. If they have friends and interests then there’s very likely to be a sports camp or similar they’ll actively want to do for a week. No reason not to do 50/50.

But, you say this is linked to who gets to stay in the house. I can’t see that either of you has more right to this than the other. What’s your proposal for the house?

Pretty sure teachers are actually [ie contractually] meant to ‘work’ during the school holidays - marking, lesson planning, resource designing and the odd in person or on-line CPE/training? Ie. He won’t be free to frolic around all summer with his kids and will have to use some of these summer childcare facilities too? Or shove them in front of a screen/telly while he works?

I think you should see a very good solicitor and continue to argue for shared custody and half the house etc.

As far as the house, can either of you afford to buy the other out? If not it's sold and you buy/rent elsewhere

He has a point. Assuming you have 5 weeks annual leave and want them for these, he could have them for the remainder, seems wrong to insist on paying for holiday clubs when their dad isn't working

People are overthinking it with the maths. Keep it as simple as possible.

It doesn’t sound like the dad has altruistic reasons for taking the kids all summer. I’d be wary of this new involved dad thing upon approaching divorce.

For summer - split 50/50. A two week annual leave and one week in fun kids clubs when with the mum, and dad can do what he wants with his half. Same for the other holidays.

During the standard work week stick to whatever you agree, be it 50/50 or eow+1.

There sounds to me like there’s an element of control being exerted over OP by the stbx and we’re avoiding that and her needs as a mother to spend adequate time with her children because dad offers to take them when she’s at work. This means she has no downtime herself it’s work or kids but he gets his weekends to do what he wants. And are there any guarantees the kids will be entertained during his time or just watching tv and YouTube? If it’s more of a novelty thing he may be more inclined to entertain them more.

And what if he needs his ‘me time’ on his weeks? Where do the kids go then? To a club like mum suggested?