Divorcing a teacher

We have a similar situation. The way we work it is that we keep the usual custody arrangements in the school holidays. However if one of us wants DSS for a week because we’re going away then we can ask for that and it’s usually agreed to. With the other parent getting a full week in return regardless of whether or not they are going away. We do keep holidays to a max of one week. Also if the teacher parent wants to see DSS more they can offer to provide the childcare needed during the day (but DSS returns to other parent in the evening of their custody days)

If you have flexi working and can work at home then no reason to not do 50/50 in the holidays then.

I'm a lone parent and exactly what I did, pick DD up at 3, she then chilled whilst I did a bit more work.

Shes 14 now so easily looks after herself when I'm WFH but the early years was a lot of juggling summer activities which is preferable to them mooching at home.

Keep with the 50/50 no reason not to. No reason to also risk CM or the house situation too.

Clubs are only part of the day. I can see why OP would want them to be at clubs and then spend say 1500 to bedtime with them if possible. It will be too much to be away from them practically the whole summer.

Not sure why she should get the house though…

How about proposing an arrangement whereby the children are with you for all weekends and Bank Holidays that happen during school vacations (with perhaps a separate arrangement for Christmas) plus two weeks in the summer and, say, another week some other time of year - plus odd special days such as birthdays. If you can arrange to WFH on Fridays and/or Mondays, you could perhaps extend weekends by an extra day or two.

I'd seriously question whether the children really would prefer to be in a holiday club all day every day during the holidays, especially in the summer. Surely they need some time just to chill at home without having other kids around them all the time, being expected to take part in activities etc etc.

That's not what is being proposed. Read the OP.

So they would just be sitting at home when with dad during holidays?

Initially, yes.

It's been like this a fair few years now and it works out well for all of us now. The two/ 3 weeks are still much harder, but the oldest is a teen now and we chat on the phone pretty much all the time anyway.

I find it gives me important decompression time to be away from the kids. Time to get on with my own job, have some me-time, time to sort the house out and yet be able to spend quality time with the kids when I have them, because I'm refreshed.

And he gets that, too, even though he rarely has them all to himself and seems to need a stream of visitors to keep himself/ them occupied when they're with him. But this way they, too, get the best of both worlds.

If the summer holidays are 6 weeks long and you’re doing 50:50 that’s 3 weeks each (21 days). So you use 2 weeks annual leave and the other 4 weeks he has them Monday to Friday and you have them weekends. The 4 weekends amount to 8 days so with your annual leave that would be 22 days. So you’d actually have them more than him

I think the house is a red herring - if you plan to share custody approximately 50:50, you will both need to have somewhere to live that can have your children as well. Unless you have a lot of joint savings, chances are that neither of you will be able to stay in the house and you'll both need to get cheaper places

Based on this I'd be sticking to the term time arrangements plus holiday clubs.

Who is he expecting to cover those random days during term time - training days, sick kids etc?

The school week is easy compared to the tail end of the school holidays with bored tweenagers

Of course they will. He won’t be supervising there homework or getting them to school and doing pack lunches and all the grunt work and disciplining

He gets to be a Disney dad and keep the house whilst op will be in rented.

He doesn’t want her to have a single holiday with their dc

oh so does he want all of the fun times, and none of the responsibility of the normal school week times ?!!!

Ps if you can arrange 6 weeks annual leave and cover one week with family then that is half the school holidays

Headteachers are contracted all year round but not teachers

You have annual leave so his argument is shite.

I would push for 50/50 and sell the home to split the proceeds to each go your own way.

So when would she take them on holiday?

It makes far more sense for him to take them over the holidays. I'd have been distraught if I'd been sent to childcare while one of my parents wasn't even at work! Can't believe you'd even consider it.

It sounds as though this is a control thing on your part, to be frank. You'd rather the kids were in childcare than with your ex - their own dad.

Let your kids spend the time with their dad, they’ll enjoy it.

I would give him maybe a year tops before he’s completely exhausted and over having no holiday time without his kids in tow. Less if he meets someone else, I guarantee you, this problem will go away.

the house though, you fight for 70% of the house at minimum.

Does he live close enough to have the children until 3.00 each day then you take them for the evenings and overnights? Basically he provides the childcare during the time you would have them but be working.

That way they are cared for by the parent who is available but don't end up effectively moving in with him for six weeks.

Only in the same way it's not fair that in term time he would be working all week and having the kids at the weekend surely? I think his holiday arrangement sounds reasonable. The idea that it would mean he kept the house is ridiculous, there's less holiday than term time, so in theory op should get the house. In reality they probably need to negotiate this via mediation.

why don't you just also add in some overnights during school holidays? Pick them up after work and drop back in the morning on way to work.

Half of the holidays each is fair