Divorcing a teacher

Why would you prefer for your kids to be in a kids club/childcare rather than with dad? What do you do now in the holiday? Do they go to kids club whilst dad sits at home?just agree with him which holidays you will have and let them stay with dad for the rest of them.

Something like two weeks summer, one week Christmas and Easter and one half term. Then you could cover most or all of that with annual leave.

But you will be seeing them loads if he has offered you every single weekend in the summer...

I think you having them 2 weeks and him 4 weeks in the summer makes sense. Then half the Christmas and half the easter holiday, and I'd suggest he has them half terms, but you have them the weekend before and after half term.

Assuming you get the statutory 5 weeks holiday, that then leaves you with 5 emergency days.

Your judgement is clouded. What's the point in you having them if you're just going to use childcare? If a Dad did that, he'd be called a deadbeat. Take advantage of what's being offered, because it's best for your kids. It's mostly about them, not you.

But if you'll be WFH while keeping an eye on them, how is it any better than your grouses about him? ("He takes them to park but he also puts on a lot of youtube. He also doesn't plan ahead and DS struggles a lot with not doing what he is doing from one day to next.")

Really not trying to pile on, just trying to understand??

I disagree. Them going to clubs is the status quo. They have gone to these clubs previously at dads request for ME time. His job and the holidays haven't changed. They enjoy the clubs. They are with their friend. They aren't with strangers. and OP will be able to be with them after 3. The relationship has changed and he just wants a leg up to get the house.

He is also arguing this is reason for him to stay in family home and for me to rent somewhere.
I would keep reminding him that the custody plans for the children and the future ownership of your current home are two separate issues and need to be negotiated separately.

If he wants to stay in the family home then he needs to buy out your share, or take over the rental by himself if it’s rented. The times you each have the children is a completely separate topic to this.

It makes sense for them to be with their dad.
I think you are being precious about them being away from mum when the alternative is away from dad,
It's not like you arc sticking them into a club with strangers looking after them.

I think you should fight for what you feel is best for the children. I don't think he should get all the holidays because he's a teacher. I don't actually think it's in their best interests. I think he's being guided by greed over what's best for the kids. He needed me time during your marriage and was probably a better person for it. Why doesn't he need me time now?

If he wants to do all childcare in the week during school holidays you should let him. Can they do an overnight or two during the week with you so you see them after work on weeks where he has them and they aren’t away?

He’s doing it so he gets more rights over the marital home. He’s manipulating you.

50/50 on an ongoing basis - irrespective of school holidays or anything else.

Stay strong OP. Get a lawyer.

p.s. to all the judgemental people: summer school clubs etc are great for kids - structured play, socialising with peers, away from devices & TV.

Don’t add guilt about having to work during holidays as MILLIONS of parents HAVE to do, on to her shoulders too.

But the op would be using annual leave in the hols - probably only needs a week over the year for holiday clubs, less once the dc are 9 and over - the op is not even considering full summer hols in holiday club.

Additionally- the father has had all the hols off and still Sent his dc to holiday club to have some "him time" - so he was more than happy to use holiday clubs while he was off work just to chill our but now it is divorce and trying to wrangle himself the house he is against the idea -.he is a total bullshitter

Why does he keep the house if they're with you for most days of the year? Def don't say yes to that. He can bloody rent!

Ref holidays, you will take time off with them at least a week at Christmas, Easter and 2 weeks over the summer, so tell him to sod off.

Get advice, he's trying to railroad you x

Agree with you OP...if you do 50/50 week on and off I'd do a handover in the week so you can also plan weekends away if you want to do that.

I don't see why a 4 week/2 week split wouldn't work just as well

Make sure birthdays (including his and yours) as well as any other special days like Mother’s Day etc are also covered in whatever you agree.

How about you agree you each have a week over Christmas and Easter. You have the weekends each side of the half terms and you have two weeks of the summer holidays as well as all the weekends (unless he is taking them away on holiday)? Unless they go to the same school as their father, the responsibility to cover inset days will also need to be addressed since he is unlikely to be able to get the time off. This suggestion gives you 25 days a year with the children and enables you to fix the dates in advance for trips and holidays.

I think they should have the option of being with a parent rather than holiday clubs.

Whilst having flexibility over school holidays makes sense - Where does he propose they live for the other 39 weeks a year during term time ?

I wouldn't discuss logistics. I think it's best to discuss them with a mediator or 3rd party present.

I think alternate weekends and 50:50 holidays is reasonable. He gets father's day and you get mother's day as part of the agreement

You could alternate who does the week half terms in Feb, May and October. You both get a week at Easter.and Christmas..Then 3 weeks each over summer holiday. That gives you time to have a holiday with the kids.

I've always been the type to prefer activities to lazing around... But I was one of the "permanent club kids" there the whole day 5 days a week, and at some point when no other kids are really there, you get bored, the teacher gets bored, you all have cabin fever stuck in there with each other, they stick some Youtube on for you or just stare into space despite what the written itinerary/programme says...

He takes them to park but he also puts on a lot of youtube. He also doesn't plan ahead and DS struggles a lot with not doing what he is doing from one day to next.

With all due respect, this drip feed sounds a bit like you're trying to justify your jealousy/pettiness/etc... Are YOU the perfect parent during the school hols? Will all childcare and wrap around care be 100% "on" and enriching for them?

I think him having them during the hols, with a few clubs sprinkled in, and him having his me time + you seeing them on weekends during the hols sounds perfect. The house is another matter.

I haven’t read the full thread but have you totalled up the number of days over the year and looked to see what that means from a CMS point of view. It’s a tiered system and depends on whether you will need to rely on CM to support the kids.