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AIBU?

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Original poster

Divorcing a teacher

237 replies

MarioBrothers · 07/04/2024 11:12

I'm splitting from my husband. We are only at the start. He is a teacher and arguing for almost all school holidays as I will need to use childcare and summer camps as I work full time. He is arguing it makes more sense just for him to have them for the whole of the holidays with me having weekends during all school holidays. DC are 5 and 6. He is also arguing this is reason for him to stay in family home and for me to rent somewhere.

AIBU to say I still want normal arrangements during holidays? He says yes, becasue I would be paying for childcare - which is true at least some of the time as only have 25 days leave.

We haven't even worked out a schedule yet and still living together but this is one the first arguments that has come up.

AIBU to think that even if I have to use childcare, it's not fair on the kids to be separated from me for the whole of holidays (excdept for weekends).

OP posts:
TreesAndSandAndWaves · 07/04/2024 11:26

Surely you would be using your leave for some of the school holidays though?

So if there are 13 weeks of school holiday, you are covering 5, he covers 8. The kids don’t need to go into holiday clubs.

I think the family home thing is a completely different issue.

Pixilicious1 · 07/04/2024 11:24

Why on earth does he think you wouldn’t want to see your children for the whole summer holiday. He’s bonkers.

BettyShagter · 07/04/2024 11:24

As a child I would've 100% preferred to stay with a parent during the week than in a professional childcare setting.

Is there a reason why you can't take the majority of your leave during the kid's holidays?

Or even a few Fridays and Mondays so you get long weekends?

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 07/04/2024 11:24

It's a good idea that he has holidays tbh, and you can get maybe easter week, 2 weeks in summer and another wherever else.

Not sure the holidays are a good argument for getting the house though. That sounds like a battle you'll have to have in court.

idontlikealdi · 07/04/2024 11:24

I actually think it's better they are with their dad than in childcare. How much would you realistically see them during the week when you are working?

I would say two weeks with you and weekends makes sense.

Pomegranatecarnage · 07/04/2024 11:22

Why not ask for two weeks in the summer and let him use his holidays for the rest? It’ll almost certainly be better for the kids.

BrotherUrgh · 07/04/2024 11:21

LucyLLL · 07/04/2024 11:17

Surely you would normally take some leave in the summer holidays, so perhaps you have 2 weeks plus the weekends in the holidays and dad has the rest? It seems sensible for nobody to pay for childcare if you don’t have to.

This seems like the best idea tbh. It seems silly not to utilise the teacher holidays in some way.

Somethingsnappy · 07/04/2024 11:20

I actually do think that it would be better for children of that age to be with their father, rather than childcare, clubs etc, if that option is there. And you'd have the weekends, so will still have that quality time with them. You can arrange your leave to be taken at the right times to be able to have them for a significant number of weeks while you're on holiday too during the school holidays too.

However, I don't think that he gets more right to the family home than you, based on this, no.

LucyLLL · 07/04/2024 11:17

Surely you would normally take some leave in the summer holidays, so perhaps you have 2 weeks plus the weekends in the holidays and dad has the rest? It seems sensible for nobody to pay for childcare if you don’t have to.

BCBird · 07/04/2024 11:17

Why is it ok for the kids to be separated form dad and onli see him.weekends? Is it possible you could have annual leave 2 weeks and he can have them.full time rest of hols?

HappyToSmile · 07/04/2024 11:14

So what schedule would be ideal in your eyes?

KoolKookaburra · 07/04/2024 11:13

I think it would be fair of you to argue for half of the holidays or perhaps 2 of the summer holiday weeks