Divorcing a teacher

Im glad youre not falling for it OP. Will you do 50/50 term time too? I hope it all goes well for you

I think it is very different to working full time (as a teacher or any other profession) and raising children full time also. Just because he booked time in holiday clubs to have some me time or to get jobs done, does not make him a bad parent. I know plenty of teachers who use holiday clubs too as otherwise they get zero annual leave days all year as they are home with the children in all school holidays. I also know plenty of people with small children who take their child to nursery still when they have annual leave days but are not away on holiday.

The situation for your ex is very different now as he only will get his dc 50% of the time. He now has plenty of evenings in term time and every other weekend to himself to have me time. If you live with your child full time, you can’t check out of parenting in the evening or weekends. Now, he doesn’t need to wait for his me time to happen in school holidays - he’ll get 26 weeks a year of me time. This is why he is now happy to cover all of the holidays to spend as much time with his dc as possible.

There are plenty of feckless and useless men out there, that doesn’t mean that they all are like that though. Isn’t it a good thing he wants to spend time with his children?

With regards to the house:
Until finances are settled, the one who instigated the break up should leave.

Could you split holidays equally but they go to him during the day if you are working. It makes sense and will be better for them.

It’s BS - and he’s already showing that he’s ready to be unreasonable by even asking… get ready for a battle OP

and why should he have all the holidays - no getting up early, no routine, no drop off/pick up to be kept, they could all lounge around all day every day if he chose :)

did the Op ever get ' me ' time during the school holidays or any other time ?

Unless the ex suddenly turns around and says no…
This is all about getting the house

Can't you just use him as child care on your weeks? Drop them at his at 8am (or whatever) and pick up at 6, so you can still do alternate weeks

I would suggest you have set days that you know are your responsibility. Things like parents’ evening are occasions when you can both make your own separate appointments to chat to the teachers. Play dates can be arranged by the parent who has the child/ren on that particular day and the other one isn’t involved in it.

As a fellow parent of a sen child, I’d probably continue to do all the referrals and necessary paperwork etc because it’s not the child’s fault one parent won’t make the effort with the admin.

Childcare etc should again be arranged and paid for by the parent who needs it.

I think you need to be very careful that if he has the kids for a higher percentage of the school holidays, then you need to have them for a higher percentage of time during term-time…….. so he has them no more than 50% of the year.

In the future if he was granted the house and the kids for all school holidays, there is nothing to stop him suddenly changing his mind and deciding to book them into holidays clubs for his “me time” after all. And you would be totally screwed. Lost the house, not the primary caregiver for your children.

I obviously don’t know this man, but I know many families that have divorced and in 90% of cases in my personal experience, the husband has played dirty in the divorce.

No court will think it’s okay for children not to see a parent for 6-8 weeks in the summer.

But that’s not what’s on the table. OP would have them at weekends during the holidays. They would go no more than 5 days without seeing her. And plenty of courts think that is completely fine. Because it is.

The advantage is the next fifty years or more of their relationship with their father.

Of course it matters what he does with them. You seem to think him having them all holidays is better than splitting and then spending time during the day in summer camps.

If staying with him all summer means being put in summer camps and stuck in front of YouTube then what exactly is the advantage ?

But does he really? Whilst they were together he didn't parent them all holidays. He stuck them in camps so he could have his 'me time'. What makes you think he's miraculously decided to parent them during holiday times now?

Another one who thinks he’s after the house…

Ridiculous to suggest that the ex takes them during the day and returns them for the night to avoid paying maintenance. A bloke would rightly be torn to shreds for suggesting his ex did that

The OP should have them when she is on leave and ask for more term time weekdays instead

I personally wouldn’t want to agree to this. The only meet in the middle solution is that on your agreed days IF the kids are not at clubs and you are working/WFH he could take them for the day if you’re at work or for a couple of hours in the afternoon if you are WFH as a morning at home chilling while you work is a perfectly reasonable way of you having them while working from home. He sees them a little extra during the holidays, but you keep to your agreed days as them living with you and it should be on your terms on your days!

Hilarious.

There is almost zero chance he works with his children at home.

Up until now, his children have gone to 'holiday clubs' so he could have 'me time' on half term/term breaks. He just wants the house; he's not being honest.

People are saying the house is a different issue but that's not how it works in reality. Judges are absolutely a law unto themselves.

Yes both parties need to be adequately housed but that can include renting. So it's perfectly possible for a judge to order that the children remain in the family home until the youngest reaches 18. They like to keep the status quo where possible to limit disruption to the children. I think this is why he is pushing for the holidays as he will have been advised it increases his likelihood of being considered primary carer and therefore a greater chance of being awarded the family home.

It probably is better for the kids to be so try their dad instead of in childcare, but how about you agree in principle what time you'll have in holidays, eg 2 weeks in summer, half of all half terms (or all of one or two of them), a week at Christmas, a week at Easter, and then in the holiday weeks they're with dad, you get an overnight on say the Wednesday?

Does it? What if he insists they don’t have much contact with mum, that he makes all decisions while with him, that they can’t go see her or stay with her at all?
That could be an absolute disaster.
My kids are 12 and 14 now and there’s NO WAY I would want to go 2/3 weeks or 6/7 weeks without seeing them.
And if he has them all holidays when does mum get to do fun things with them? Take them to see family or in breaks?
Theyd be in school the rest of the time and not able to travel.

He sounds like he could be very controlling, and as for keeping the family house -tell him to go F himself.

Go to a mediator ASAP.
No court will think it’s okay for children not to see a parent for 6-8 weeks in the summer.
Friends ex tried to do this - the family court said no way. The ex didn’t want ANY contact between the mother and children while they where with him, not even phone calls

They are young, so 70/30 or 60/40 might be more appropriate so they don’t have to move around as much.

I don’t think you get to make a judgment based on the way he chooses to parent them. If he lets them watch YouTube and isn’t good at planning ahead, that’s up to him. I also think that, especially while your kids are young, it’s much more important for them to have time with him, than be in holiday clubs.

I think previous suggestions about negotiating a week during each school holiday when you take annual leave and have the children are really sensible. You could go on holiday with them or do fun things at home, and your ex also benefits from some annual leave to do things without the kids. But frankly, it’s great that he wants to have good, meaningful contact, and several weeks at a time rather than occasional weekends is likely to be much better for their relationship with their dad.

On the other hand, he is being a massively entitled knob about the house and you should not enter into any negotiations about that whatsoever.