DH pressuring me to find a job

Will the OP ever come back? I doubt it

This. Everyone expects low paid jobs to be flexible, some people see them as a "little job" to fit around the kids. They aren't, they tend to be less flexible than a higher paid office job. With retail, many contracts are 12 hours and they expect you to free all the time for shifts and then add more hours on if you want them. Working early mornings, evenings, weekends and bank holidays too. There are less shops/smaller businesses now, it's usually the larger ones like supermarkets who want full availability that have roles. Hospitality is going to include early mornings, evenings and weekends as well depending on the business. I'm sure OP's DH will be thrilled to cover and look after the kids!

This is harsh. But true, imo. 🤷

I think its the op with the problem, not her OH. He suggested now kids are at school you get a job. Yes you've done the child stuff, he paid the bills. Lots of mums would love that opportunity. How do you think other mums manage? House work will need to dip and he needs to understand that.
Op, you sound like you feel you're too good for a uniform job. You may have been to uni but you've got no other qualifications or experience have you?? Welcome to the real world, jobs don't jist fall onto your lap...people who have lots of years behind them with qualifications still get low pay despite working hard.
Start off doing anything to gain experience ( you need to get over the it's beneath me feeling) maybe spend some time doing free online courses.
You need to discuss job types and hours with him. He can't expect you to work full time amd do all child stuff but you both need to plan and look around for flexi jobs.

Because.. looking after the kids is currently her full time job, while working outside the home is his.

Why would he want to do more of her job for her till she’s set up to work outside the home? I wouldn’t.

He can invest his time in supporting her, when she’s back at work and needs it.

Right now they need a plan in place for when she goes back, while he searches for a gig.

As for giving her confidence, what she appears to need right now is a plan to build a career, so he’d be better putting his energy into that.

Bravo, I am not a single mum but the sole provider. I too, found the OP post and especially some responses, saying that he should pay for her further education, shocking. I just imagined what I would have done if my husband asked me to pay for his PhD after 9 years of economic inactivity, saying 'it will further his career prospects'.

Predictably, the OP hasn't returned. She didn't get the answers she wanted (and 'uniform' is the word that dare not speak its name 😂)

That's you. It's not everyone.

I have my ambitions, just don’t feel it’s worth at the moment when we have no debt and live a reasonably comfortable life.

What are your ambitions, OP?

In your shoes, I'd forget the idea of waitress/ retail etc - you don't really need to do those if your husband is earning such a good salary and as you say, they won't bring in a lot of money. I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable to expect you to do a job like that.

But what I would do is think about these 'ambitions' you do have, and start making a plan to make them a reality.

You deserve a fulfilling life and to achieve what you want to achieve, outside of having children, so you need to start somewhere.

Until it's full at this rate

But there's nothing to say that the husband has to continue financially supporting her. She may end up with no choice

I wonder how far a thread will go on just an OP and no returning to thread.

I may have missed it but has he asked her to go full time or just contribute? The kids will be in school 5 days a week and I think its not unfair to ask her to work a proportion of that. I did exactly the same after being a SAHM mainly because as much as I take pride in running a home and do consider it to be an incredibly important job, doing it 5 days a week once the kids are in school is not going to be good in the long term with going back to work. How long should she wait? Secondary school age??

Nearly every parent at our school works and everyone manages to be on the school run (Mum or Dad). If she knows its unlikely DH will ever be able to make the school run, there are plenty of part-time admin roles available. Perhaps she could start small - something like 9-2pm a few days a week. As the kids get older and do after school clubs, increase hours. Even if she did 3 days, she would still have 2 full days at home a week to keep on top of everything.

Divide the salary by 2, add in costs from kids... Not a lot left for luxuries in London

You've been very fortunate to stay home as long as you have.

It's time to get a job. Try to see it as an exciting new chapter.

You sound very dismissive of certain roles, which given by your own admission you've never worked in a 'skilled' role is disappointing to read. Your post states he wants you to get 'a' job. Not that he's expecting to be a high income one, you've never had a career, and see many roles as being too menial for you- that's not a great attitude. He however also needs to change his attitude regarding to doing everything- once you start financially contributing, then the home contributions will need to be adjusted as well accordingly- he doesn't get to 'just' work whilst you have to work and maintain the home. When you do secure a job, I'd be splitting certain tasks and making sure he's aware of the reasons why.

What is your degree subject OP and what sort of job did you start and enjoy before marriage?

That only works around kids if it is at the kids school. Otherwise you have to factor in wraparound care, which might almost wipe out your earnings, depending on the number of children you have.

Agreed 💯. Then even if she works, there’s weighing up the cost of childcare versus how much money is coming in.

Civil Service, flexible working, can work term time only, you can work around school hours, say 9.30 - 2.30 5 days a week, full time salary for AA grade starts around £20100 PA.

You already have a job @Macadamiamama . Bringing up children is a very difficult and very important job! And also very beautiful and priceless too! Sadly, in our society there is no longer much value or appreciation for parenting and choosing to stay at home to do the job of bringing up children. Mainly because there is no economic value attached to it. A mother is only given value if she is earning money. If she chooses to stay at home and bring up children rather than bring up children AND go out to work which is basically having two jobs, then the woman is seen as "lazy, unambitious, unskilled" the list goes on. Your husband hasn't been supporting you financially, he's been supporting you all financially as a family, whilst you've been doing the hard work of bringing up children! Your youngest is going to reception, not university! So your kids are still young and still need you. I've seen women run themselves into the ground because of the expectations put on them to do the maximum share of parenting as well as go out to work! I totally understand that in today's world, financially alot of the time both parents need to work. Again, sadly, this puts pressure on mums to do everything! @Macadamiamama if you're not ready to work, or if you would rather focus on being a mum, then good for you! Having said all that, I do also think that another sad fact of the society we live in is that mums need a plan B, so although you might not want to go to work, you need to be ready to be employable! So you could some courses and/or some voluntary work, which means you're not spreading yourself too thinly whilst looking after young children, but you're still getting the skills etc to be employed. Also, if he's not going to help with looking after the kids because he works long hours why is he expecting you to work as well as look after the kids?

Well the particularly nasty ones, I said. That is not the same as a different opinion. Simple, really.

It is going to be tough getting back into it, but you need to start somewhere to get your confidence back.

I never stopped working as I had the fear of starting again. SIL went back to work after 8 years of SAHM and 2 dc. Prior to stopping she was a very senior level in food manufacturing.

She started back in shop floor retail, quickly became store manager, moved to a job in a small craft startup with just 3 employees and is now a 15% partner in a company with a £1m annual turnover and loving it. Took her around 12 years.

You need to start somewhere, doing nothing will just impact your confidence more and more as time passes, possibly eventually your marriage if your dh resents you free loading and if that happens with no financial independence you will be in real trouble.

I've only skim read some of the thread, so this has probably been covered already.

If the OP goes into a "low level" job such as waitressing/retail etc, she will likely be on a zero hours contract - and will therefore need to make herself available for work prior to rotas being completed.
Waitressing, in particular, will require her to be available evenings - likely from around 4pm, to set up for evening business.

As a London solicitor, is the OP's DH able to reliably pick up the DC's from after school club at (say) 6pm?
I doubt it.

Is the OP's DH prepared to cover his equal share of DC sickness/INSET days/snow days?
Because, on a zero hours contract, the OP's leverage on this will be severely limited.

The hospitality industry will have very little patience with OP taking time off for child-related stuff, so DH will need to step up.
He'll need to be home sharp each day, and he will need to free himself up to be the default parent evenings and weekends.
If the child is sick at school, and the OP is waitressing at an event, will the DH be able to do his fair share of leaving work to pick up the sick child?

If the DH can commit to all this, I can see this arrangement working.

But, excuse me for feeling cynical.

I agree. It's a difficult job and extremely underpaid. The TAs I know also seem to do a fair amount of unpaid overtime.