DH pressuring me to find a job

Wonder if the OPs husband will pick up some of the house jobs?
or does he just expect her to do everything

Yes you are.....

"The idea of work is appealing but I feel stressed I do so much" your youngest is off to school what will you do other than clean a flat and get dinner ready 38 weeks a year
You want a house.....who's going to pay for it.
He would leave in a suit and id have to wear a uniform

You do realise that many women have no choice but to leave babies in childcare 10 plus hours a day while working how stressful is that?

You are understandably nervous about going back to work after 9 years dip your toe back in you will be fine. Your hopes for a house will come true sooner.

I think you're being a little insulting about the uniformed jobs, to be honest. There's nothing wrong with an honest day's work, whatever form that takes - you're sort of implying that you feel it's beneath you. Wearing a uniform to work isn't an indication of a lack of ambition or being too stupid to do anything else. We all do what we can to put food on the table.

Being the sole earner is absolutely the most stressful thing, I can assure you. The responsibility is overwhelming.

You do need to go to work. It's time.

Projection much??

In your haste to rattle out your diatribe you forgot to read the OPs message.

No disrespect for people doing that but he’ll go out the house in his suit and tie and I’d be going out in a uniform.

you sound spoilt and entitled and you really need to get over yourself. It’s really not hard to have even a full time job and kids, many many of us do it, it sounds like you just don’t want to! The end.

There are plenty of jobs which are hybrid or remote only now thanks to the pandemic.

Have a look at your council jobs website where you will see term time jobs advertised. Aim for a school admin or TA post which will fit in with the school holidays. I did this initially and then moved to hybrid full time when the kids went to secondary school.

He is BU in thinking his life won’t change and he does need to take on some household responsibilities.
However you are BVU to not want to get a job. What’s wrong with wearing a uniform?
I don’t want to turn this into a competition but I have 3 children, I’m a single parent and I work. My children are well cared for, my house is clean and tidy and I never really feel like it’s too much to manage.

YABU.

If you can’t afford luxuries, and it sounds like he’s under a lot of stress providing, and your youngest is in school - there’s not really an argument for you to not work at all.

What do you count as a reasonable wage for your time? Remember you get >£12k tax free - so a part time role of some sort would be quite efficient in topping up the household budget while still leaving you lots of time.

What might you enjoy doing, to help you build up some confidence?

Most women do the ‘double shift’ of work and kids I’m afraid.

I working in a library part time hours that fit round the kids. I do 2.5 days per week totalling 13 hours . On my 'days off' I exercise, walk the dog. visit my elderly parents and clean/house admin. This means after school and weekends are about family not house work. Dh works full time with a hour each way commute he does do bed time with kids every night and on weekends he cooks, does any diy jobs and will put a wash in. Hoover or empty dishwasher.

If you are expected to continue to manage the house and kids to facilitate his work then I wouldn't work full time. I'd look for a part time role 2-3 days a week so you get some down time and time to clean.

You have a few months until your youngest starts school. Why don’t you use that time to investigate what you’d like to do? You could look into retraining options etc.

Realistically, you can’t be a SAHM forever. Most women who have stayed at home with small children re-enter the workplace once their youngest are of school age.

I started back at work when my youngest was 5. I was low paid initially but then took opportunities for retraining and now have a professional career. No reason why you can’t do the same.

I dont think he is being unreasonable, and he seems to understand that the roles you would be likely to get would be part time around school hours and low paid so where is the expectation that you 'double shift'.

You would presumably be working while the children are out of the house at school then caring for the children and house during the times when you currently care for the children and house.

So life wouldn't be getting easier for you and giving you more leisure time, but it wouldn't be getting harder either and you would be increasing household income which benefits everyone in the household.

He won’t change anything in his life when I start double shifting (work+kids)...

No, if you go back full time he needs to step up and take on his 50% of the shared household responsibilities. For the moment, as he is working an outside job full time and you are are not working outside the household at all, it's reasonable that you are doing all of the childcare that occurs while he is at work and most of the other household responsibilities, but he should be doing 50% of the childcare during the rest of the time for their sake - they only have two parents! (Of course, "helping with the bath" is laughable; he's their dad not their preteen big brother!! )

You definitely should find a job, though - this person doesn't sound like the most reasonable or trustworthy based on your description here and the more time that passes with you out of the formal workforce the more difficult it will be to make up for lost time.

You both sound a bit snobby in different ways tbh.

What waitresses, receptionists or retail workers do u know earning 70k???

Those are the kind of jobs he mentioned to her...

Oh come on he wants his cake and eat it. He will have to step up and take on equal stakes in the child care. I would look at a qualification in an area you want to work in and tell him, this is the plan. Or you can take a loan to finance. I don’t think you should plan on not working forever. You would be in a very vulnerable position.

If you start working, who will do all the house hold stuff? Have an honest conversation with him.
maybe his job is not compatible with family life and you both need to face a re think about what you all need and want.

Frankly your comment about wearing a uniform is insulting. There are numerous skilled professional roles that require you to wear a uniform.

Does he have a plan for how school drops offs, pickups and holidays will be managed? If you get a job as a waitress or in retails, is he going to do the evening or weekend childcare while you work?

I don't think he's unreasonable to think you should also get a job but he needs to be involved in working out the logistics.

It's not unreasonable for him to ask you to contribute financially, however it's NOT ok for him to expect his life to stay exactly the same.

If you are both working full time then he can't expect that.

It's hard to imagine doing anything now as you are still at home with a child but yes you could be looking for jobs from September.

The real issue is, does he expect you to find a job that works only in school hours in terms time? Because they are like hold dust. If he is reasonable then you should be able to sit down with him and write up a detailed and specific plan of how it would actually work. Who would do drop off and pick up, who would do sick days, who would do holidays etc. If it's you then ask him what job he expects you to get that meets those criteria?

As an alternative, are there any skills you can bring to the table to foster a flexible career or freelancing? I started a business a year ago based on my previous jobs in design. 90% working from home and it's slowly ramping up and when DD goes to school next year I'm hoping to build up to making 20kish a year part time and flexible around holidays etc. this might take longer to get there but could be offered as an alternative to DH. Same for training for a similar job. Will take longer but will mean he can keep his important man job!

It is very difficult to find work around school hours, the suggestion of a TA is a good one. Out School always needs them! Works round the kids and no uniform 😉 He does need to help more though if you aren't also working

Why won't he change anything in his life if you work? He can't have his cake and eat it too. Either you have been doing very little, in which case it shouldn't be onerous for him to pull his weight, or you've been doing a lot, on which case he needs to pull his weight!

They are your joint kids and you are a family, if you will both be working full time then there needs to be a fair and equal division of labour at home too. The disrespectful bastard.

Go and work as a receptionist somewhere, if you're keen enough you can and will get promoted rapidly.

There's nothing wrong with the jobs he's suggested. So what if you wear a uniform? If you work in retail or hospitality you'll be building up skills and getting back into the workplace. Start part time if necessary.
I think he's probably one of those men who don't fully understand what childcare and home making involves, so it's no bad thing if you can't do it all and he starts to grasp it.

Did you read the OP? Where does he say she’s got to earn £70k? He’s suggested low stress low skill jobs she can do to build up her confidence and skills.

He’s suggesting jobs like retail, waitress, receptionist.

The OP doesn’t suggest anywhere that he’s expecting her to walk into a £70k job.