DH pressuring me to find a job

I second this if you don’t fancy waitressing (completely understandable position). Think about what kid of person you are and what types of jobs would feel OK/potentially enjoyable.

Other than that, have a look on your local authority’s website to see what sort of positions they are advertising and which ones appeal. Or goodmoves for third sector. You want to get going with your pension so public sector might be a good shout.

I wouldn't put up with that in a relationship and that's why I'm not in one.

This. Especially the pension.

I'm a lone parent, always worked full time and had zero family help.

Strange how lots of people of one particular gender often get to opt out of this part of "being an adult".

The OP says she is not from the UK. Lots of people from outside the UK view the UK as the land of milk and honey where one salary can provide for everything, especially if this is a London lawyer. The myths are very strong, especially in Eastern Europe. My lil bro was caught like that by a Bulgarian beauty. She was educated, spoke brilliant English, but did not have a clue how modern life worked. (She had an MA in English Litt, no accent, but zero awareness).

What do you want to do as a job? I can understand you not wanting to be a shop worker. I don't understand why you can't get some qualifications. Saying "he won't pay" sounds wrong. Surely it would be worth the investment.

I think the plan should be Open University course or local university to retrain and also seeking unpaid work experience in school time. As you transition to working full time he can transition to doing more at home.

You make it sound like he is ordering you about. Stand up to him. You definitely need a job as otherwise you're dependent on him for life. Doesn't sound a good idea.

Start studying something?Maybe it's the principle of you not just having 9-3.30 off while he's out at work.

TA is a good idea, I do that as supply. You finish really early so plenty of time to get things sorted at home afterwards. I often do batch cooking as well so can be quite relaxed when I get home.
I've done hospitality before and I actually enjoy that although don't want to go back to it as the hours are often not as accommodating.
Even with a low paid, part time position (say 12 hours) you can bring in more than £500 a month so I do think it is worth it.

Only women I found who made it work having two children and a full time pressured jobs had mums and mother in laws around to do everything else , but this was in the 90s.
Their partners helped a bit , but mostly other women were around..

I really would not train to be a teacher unless you’ve got skin like Teflon. Hours aren’t family friendly anymore either, you’re easily working evenings and weekends, only bonus is school holidays.

He won’t change anything in his life when I start double shifting (work+kids) apparently I’ll have so much free time I won’t know what to with myself!

Obviously you don't feel confident juggling career, househild and children while your manchild DH can barely manage to help bath children while working.

You were used as walkung uterus, maid, cook and nanny while it suited him and since you are no longer birthing children for him,he wants you to do all of that while working. Wow, what a prince among men!

If I was in your unlucky place, I'd hop on this.

1. Firstly, get Saturday volunteering somewhere to get experience and references. Pick something related to your uni if you liked that. Let him sort EVERYTHING around household and children on that day. He can have Sunday to relax as he is not helping you anyway.

1. Start applying to jobs in September. You cannot sooner as you cannot drag younges to the interviews. Don't rely in him for childcare as he will bail out last minute and you will end up with fucked opportunities.

1. Apply only for FULL TIME jobs. Your manchild can pick between:

A) paying half of wraparoumd care.
B) doing morning or afternoon schoolrun.
Your career is as important as his so don't get stuck in idea you will work while children are at school as that is at best 10-14 and shit pay with no prospect.
Also, he must to do half of cooking, cleaning, washing, childcare or pay someone to do that.

1. Once you have open ended contract and pass probation on a job you like get a solicitor and divorce that twat.

1. Demand 50:50 where ex gets children for 2 days and weekend one week and 3 days another week. So he can enjoy arrangeing his life around schoolruns and cooking and cleaning for children.

1. Having children every other weekend will leave you enough time to meet and date someone decent who will not treat you like walking uterus and push you into uncomfortable situations when you no longer serve that putpuse (while expecting you do 100% of housework).

Fuck him and good luck.

Not RTFT, but the obvious career choice as I see it is to train as a teacher.
Train to teach | Get Into Teaching GOV.UK (education.gov.uk)

Do you live in a country where parental leave is more equal? I feel like that’s where it starts here.

Mum takes 1 year of maternity leave, dad goes back after 2 weeks and then mum becomes the default parent, baby won’t settle for dad and then it ‘makes sense’ because dad earns more for mum to go part time or become a SAHM.

Of course you are not being too superior! You would have been too superior if you were supporting him for 9 years, if you were a London lawyer, and if you had an education better than his and he were a foreign groom brought to the UK from the outside. This is how material superiority is usually calculated. It looks like you have no education or work experience for the jobs 'worthy' of you, so the only solution is to ask your parents to support you financially if you don't want to support yourself. On the positive side, your written English is excellent!

Doing stuff at home is NOT a job. It's part of being an adult. Every single person on the planet has to do stuff in the house. I wish people would get a grip.

I can see why he wants you to get a job. Obviously just make it clear you will have to split chores etc evenly. Me and my DH manage fine. I went back to work full time after maternity leave.

So find a job, and then split up all the household chores. If you're both working then all tasks are split equally and make it very clear to him that you won't be carrying all of the family load.

I enjoyed going back part time until I walked through the door at home and was greeted by utter chaos if he'd done the school run and hadn't even cleared breakfast away or thought to let the poor dog out for a wee. We had quite a lot of rows initially - so start as you mean to go on.

The OP currently has a full time job in being a SAHP, when her child goes to school she will then have a part time role as a SAHP, so she needs another part time role to pick up a shortfall in her contribution to the household.

Her workload is going to decrease when the kid goes to school, she doesn’t get to keep that time for herself whilst her husband busts a bollock to keep paying for her

There is nothing wrong with being a waitress, receptionist or working in retail.

Quite frankly, OP, you sound like a snob.

Fair enough he wants you to start working but how does that work with the logistics of running a house and looking after children? Especially if he works long hours and you are covering everything in the house.
I planned to start work again when my youngest , a son had settled into reception - it was a rocky year at school and thank goodness I was around to fight his corner. He's settled in Y1 now fortunately.
However I haven't been able to find a job that fits school hours (& unfortunately health has nose dived, so can't work) as my husband can work odd hours, I have to be available for school pick ups/drop offs. I, pre illness had plenty to keep me busy when the children were in school.
Maybe look at some volunteering for the moment so that you are doing something for you, but don't be pressured into a job that is just for the sake of it and actually makes life tougher for you. Those school hours soon disappear......

Her kids are both in school so she has 9 to 3 free . Hardly 2 jobs and do people realise some of us work full time and still do all that ?

I agree apart from the fact the OP needs to organise they need to do it together, look at childcare, a cleaner and the division of childcare and work

also where is all the money going if he is a hotshot lawyer and you can’t do holidays

time for a very frank chat that yes you would like to work to do something but within that things change in terms of division of labour and outsourcing etc. you getting a job changes his life as well

May I ask what your qualifications are in and what job you managed to do WFH ? Perhaps you can rejoin assuming that the DC can have after school care if they are usual business hours.

I have a feeling you did not discuss this when you got married and you assumed you could be a housewife forever ? It’s unfair on him to have the full responsibility of paying everything , his job is demanding too ( I know that as I do the same ) .
you are refusing to get a job on the premise that you can’t get a job “ good enough “ in your view .
You should both sit down and discuss him maybe helping more but you getting a job . What is wrong with a supermarket job or a retail job ?
While I went to uni before becoming a lawyer I worked retail plus was a single mum too . Are you really that spoiled that you cannot make any effort towards your family ?
Not to mention you put yourself at risk , what if your marriage ends , or your partners gets ill as an example ? Will you just cower in a corner and cry qnd let your children without anything ?