DH pressuring me to find a job

You have a degree so I’d be upset to waste that.
Have you thought about doing a PGCE and becoming a teacher. Theoretically you could then be around during holidays for the kids.
However
Your dh would have to step up and do his share of housework and kids stuff. That’s half of everything…..you need to discuss that with him and he needs to take on board all that comes with you going back to work. I’d do him a list as a lot of people forget how much is involved.
Remember, as he must they are His kids and his flat too!

Not everyone is an incel troll. It seems to be the in thing to call people with a differing opinion or one you don't like an incel these days.

🙄 Of course…

I said ‘particularly nasty’. Not a balanced view.

@Thegoodbadandugly , OP says We have no luxuries apart from not checking prices at the supermarket.

Or perhaps level headed people that can see things from both sides but one particular side may not want to hear it.

They want to buy a house, they don't have enough money when they are having to check the prices on the supermarket shelves and the husband is already working long hours, the ops husband has said perhaps she can work in retail or as a waitress or such like but that's not good enough for the op she doesn't want to be wearing a uniform. Seems the man can't win here.

Police
Fire Brigade
Cabin Crew (Virgin Atlantic have a very nice uniform too)
RNLI/Lifeguards/Coastguards

Without them and their uniform where would we be...

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Did you ever discuss your plans prior to marriage? When I met my husband, I pretty much told him by our third date that my dream was to be a mother and housewife. And he still married me. I think we need to be more up front during the courting phase.

I'd be looking for a job in your shoes as your dh sounds unreasonable and I supportive. Perhaps he is resentful if he doesn't like his job and thinks you are at home enjoying yourself. Has he ever looked after the children solo to understand the realities of looking after children and the house all day?

It's unfair of him not to be supportive of you establishing a career you would enjoy. Have you had a conversation along those lines? Now would be a good time to study whilst your children are still fairly young and needy. Could you work part time and study part time id you have a goal in mind? Easier said than done but I would worry your dh is not going to be supportive of you as you get older and it would be wise for you to be saving for a pension.

so he has supported you financially for 9 years, you don't feel confident you'll get a job that meets your criteria - so say you stay home until the children leave primary or secondary school - are you suddenly going to feel more confident once you have 15 years or 20+ years with no paid work experience?

You need to get a job. You say you have life ambitions. You haven’t worked for a decade. They aren’t going to come overnight. If you don’t start now you’re never going to work. Why would you tomorrow, or next week, or next year. If not now?

You might have to start outsourcing things like cleaner and meal planning/shopping with online and hellofresh or gusto etc. but you’re in London. Life is literally designed for multi tasking there. It’s so easy!

This might mean your wage is basically zero. But that isn’t the point. The point is you’re working. Which opens opportunities.

Goodluck

Of course YANBU. You have been supporting him and his job and bringing up the children.
A TA job could work, you’d get out a bit and the times match up

Quite

Is your marriage a happy one? Just reading your thread it doesn’t sound much like it. Does he treat you nicely outside of these demands that you work?

I have mixed feelings on this.

My view is that any parent who is able to give up work during their children’s early years is incredibly fortunate.

I went to uni twice because I wanted a career that would give me the opportunity to be financially independent if I needed to be. However, I would have given all of that up for an opportunity to spend 9 years at home with my kids if my DH was paid
enough to support the family during this time.

It has suited you both and your kids will have benefited significantly.

I voted YABU because I am baffled that YOU haven’t started to think about your next steps and it’s taken your husband to suggest this and you say put pressure
on you.

You should have been thinking about this all along. It hasn’t snuck up on you.

What you do need is a conversation with your husband about what life will look like when you return to work - things like childcare, housework, weekly shop etc -
all the things that you can do during the week at the moment. If you are working F/T then of course you will need some
help with this. If part time then you might manage to cover most of it but accept that things won’t run as smoothly as they did before. That is the reality of two parents working.

You could say the same for one particular gender who often get to opt out of being an adult when they expect someone else to work long hours to financially provide for them.

My friends husband demanded she went back to work after 4 children. She got a job as a carer for a disabled woman overnight. It’s been great for her as she is only woken twice a night and he’s found out how hard it is to look after 4 small children. He also has to be home on time to relieve her.

Because that’s what she’s posted.

I think it is concerning that money cannot be allocated to help you retrain. What was your degree?
Why don’t you start home cleaning, so you can keep things flexible and be your own boss.

OP hasn't come back

Just making a note of jobs which require uniforms and would be embarrassing for OP to do.

Top law enforcement
Surgeon
Pilot
Dentist
Judge
Armed forces

They must be so embarrassed to be seen out in public mustn't they OP.

Most schools have wraparound care. I can drop my kids off at 8.30 and pick them up at 6 which is a godsend on the days I work. I work in frontline healthcare and tend to work a 12 hour shift on a Sunday when DC are with their dad and then 2 normal shifts during the week (using childcare). I use leave/kids clubs to manage the weekdays over the holidays. I’m a single parent so double shifting is a way of life. I love working and enjoy the social aspect and financial independence.

it’s quite normal for people to feel anxious when they’ve been out of the workplace for a while. It sounds like your husband has different ideas about work ethic (that you should go back as soon as DC go to school) and you would rather be a SAHM and don’t mind sacrificing your own financial independence for that. Are his relatives asking him questions about when you’re going back to work and can contribute more to the household?

So you need to check that he understands what this means. He'll have to do his fair share of dropoffs, pickups and holiday childcare, or you pay someone to do this. When the kids are ill and can't go to school, he'll stay home half the time. Make sure he understands that you'll be looking for a decent job with career progression and it won't be within school hours, so he's going to have to up his parenting game.

I’m on your side, OP. You’ve made significant sacrifices, and now he expects you to make even more sacrifices by getting a job while still doing everything to take care of the kids. It’s not as if he wants you to work so he can cut back his hours and spend more time with the family.