DH pressuring me to find a job

Apprenticeships aren’t just for school leavers. The pay is low but potentially would be a foot in door.

You have no salary so you qualify for studying part time via the OU. You would get your fees paid for.

Easy solution there if working isn't achievable for your current lifestyle.

How do women working in those jobs manage children.

You obviously look down on people working in a 'uniform'. your excuses not to work are pathetic. You sound lazy, nothing else.

Obviously - however I was responding to the person who said you don’t need qualifications to be a TA!

Most schools just require a grade 4/c in English and Maths.
As OP has a degree I’m guessing she’s probably got that.

I think you should go to work. Please go to work. It's going to be very protective for you. But he's going to refuse to contribute any more labor at home, then you'll need to show him some data about how you really spend your time, or else you're not going to have any ammunition when he confidently tells you that you actually have no problem whatsoever, balancing work and school half-terms and so on. I would probably track your worktime for a few weeks, so you have some data about how much "free" time you really have. I doubt he will trust your worktime data, but at least you'll HAVE the data. Then when you go to work you can compare it with your new worktime when you are balancing work and home.

I was going to say you should do a course and get a certificate in something you can use to get a job. Like a health aide or nutritionist or something that is in whatever area you trained in previously. But if he's not willing to fund you to do a course then that likely won't be possible. However, if you start out with an entry level job in an area with potential, then over your first year or two of working, you'll learn more about what's the best place to look at getting more qualifications.

For example, if you go to work in a bakery, maybe you'll start thinking about opening your own cupcake business, using your own recipes for, I don't know, gluten-free cupcakes that you developed to make your gluten-free niece happy. Then, instead of taking a course to become a baker, you might take a certificate in running a small business. I don't know what the UK is like but here in the USA, states often will have free (or nearly free) government courses to help people start their own small business - on how to follow the taxes, what sort of paperwork is needed to register the business, etc. You can also do little courses on Udemy, to get an idea what different fields are like, how to get started, etc.

Of course you need qualifications to be a TA!

Lots of people retrain after having a break from work whilst having children.
This is not an unusual situation and no one is going to find that odd.

OP has every right to pick up a job she finds interesting and with good career progression whatever the hours, just like her dh has. Including going back to study if it’s needed.

I don't really understand. You've been a SAHM until your youngest is school age and now your children are going to be in school, it's very very realistic that you need to get a job. If you're wanting to buy a house etc then the money is going to need to come from somewhere. Your contribution to the home has been raising the children but now they're going to be out of the house 830 til 3, your family plan needs to adjust accordingly

People are weird. I was tripped up reading the OP when she says

"I have been supported by my DH for about 9 years now and he’s probably had enough of that."

Because after she said she was having babies I expected her to be talking about how she has been supporting him in his career by looking after them.

In the post I quote, try flipping the emphasis:

"I don’t particularly like the idea of looking after a household and children-I’d much rather go out to work and come back to dinner on the table. I do it because it would be unreasonable to expect my DH to support the household in addition to working full time."

Everyone (regardless of sex) working full time with a family needs those things done, childcare, cooking, life admin. It needs to be valued more highly and this is why feminism has failed. When jobs paid enough that a family was comfortable on one income, houses affordable on one income, was a golden era, yet characterised by sexist tropes of who should do what according to what sex they were.
If men had let women be equal by taking on 'housewife' roles readily so that women could be the 'worker' in the unit where that was more appropriate it could have worked. But they were never going to do that. So we are where we are.

Why is opting out even a choice? Because someone's doing it for them.

Of course you should start to build your career, but your H needs to be realistic about what that means for him and your family finances. There's no shame in waitressing or working in retail but a min wage, unskilled job is unlikely to be the answer to your H's perceived problems.

What is your immigration status? Are you eligible for UK student grants or loans? Or the skills boot camps?

You're a team and he needs to support you in this next phase of your shared life together just as you have supported him.

@Angelsrose , it's only easy if you have a vagina. It's almost impossible otherwise.

@MarygoldRose , OP went to uni and worked afterwards.

Good point.
My dh and I are both architects but when someone got sick at school they always phoned me!
If it was, in my view dhs turn, I would phone him and he wouldn’t even pick up the phone!
Apparently his meetings and site visits were far more important than mine!
Guess who left work early for all the parents evenings too.

In the end I gave up, took a huge pay cut ( initially ) and set up on my own. This often took me far away from home so in the end he had no choice but to step up ….. equality at last.

Make sure OP that he can drop everything if there’s a need to! He has to take on board his equal share of everything!!!

Childcare yes, but cleaning and cooking? 🥴 Millions of single people, couples and families eat food every day and clean their houses without having to pay someone to do it..why would it be necessary?

You are right about waitressing job. She should then apply for interventionalist radiologist on the NHS 600K before tax. What? No qualifications? Well, I don't know then.

Haven't read the full thread and OP hasn't been back, but I did want to throw my two pence worth in about the "uniform job" comment.

I don't think it's necessarily about her disdain for such roles, I think it was an expression of the imbalance of their relationship and lifestyle expectations. He's reluctant to help her retrain on his dollar, wants her to financially contribute and thinks she should just "get on with it"

I'm in agreement that a job / career is a good thing for her financially and future security wise, and I speak as someone of 55 who was recently widowed after 7 years of caring responsibilities and self employment (current economic climate not favourable to independent retail), and is now staring down the barrel of penury.

Yes, I stuffed things for myself by always dropping everything for family commitments and my unexpected circumstances have me kicking myself ever day that I didn't do things differently. But it is what it is.

I know it's a bit different as I don't have young children, but I empathise at the lack of confidence etc. It's a tough old world out there.

Back to my original point - if there is a power imbalance overall then possibly the DH would prefer her to take any minimum wage job going and doesn't appreciate that she will have to be flexible in areas like retail and hospitality, and the OOH childcare etc may well mean any financial benefit is swallowed up if he is not in a position to work round that.

If it's about working on principle, rather than for the OP and the family's benefit overall that's a moral debate they have to resolve all round.

No doubt there are opportunities out there, but depending on region and infrastructure, after a nine year break from the job market it may be difficult to find something suitable that fits the OPS skill set.

Not that she shouldn't try. I just think it's overly simplistic to say "just get a job and make it work" especially if the relationship dynamics are complicated.

If that's the case then why do so many men opt out? If it's as you say, men should find it easy and do their fair share.

Where would we be? We would be in a country the OP is from. Like my former sister-in-law, Bulgaria or suchlike

I don't think your husband has thought this through. School runs, cleaning and cooking will all cost money if you are out working. A nanny or wrap around car isn't cheap. I assume he is happy to contribute proportionately to this. Not 50/50 because he is earning more than you. You'd have to work out a fair split.

Decent jobs with career progression after not working for 9 years and having no qualifications? You are joking, I am assuming.

And what are his plans regarding childcare? Go and get a job, make sure it includes evenings and weekends ( bar work would be great) I can guarantee after a week of having to be home in time to do for tea for the children he will be telling you that you have to give up.
You need to have a really good think about what job you want in the future and start working towards it as you can't stay at home forever.

Technically it's fair enough of him to expect you get a job, but he has several red flags.

1. Does not sound like he intends to take on his share of childcare and housework when you do get a job.
2. Does not want to pay for training. Umm, part of being married is that your income is both of yours even if one of you works, he should not have sole say on what you spend money on.
3. Getting a job like waitressing is pointless, because these already don't pay very well and you'll have to pay for childcare while you work, so after paying for childcare you'll be left off with very little. The only job that makes sense for you is something in a school.

Honestly it doesn't sound so great. Reasonably comfortable is what the OP calls it. But never a holiday, only comfort is groceries without budget. DH not available for much family life. That's pretty depressing to me. I wonder if DH is thinking divorce is on the horizon and that has something to do with the job now. None the less it would do well to start a pension of OP's own as soon as now. The future is uncertain and I wouldn't want to rely on someone else DH or not to fund my retirement life.