DH pressuring me to find a job

OP, I'm a bit perplexed about your comment re: uniforms. That part does sound very "superior". There's nothing wrong, embarrassing or somehow "lacking" about a person wearing a uniform for work! I wear one for work (Nurse/Sister) and it's easy knowing what I've got to wear each day! I'm proud to have my uniform and I feel very privileged to have my job. Also, there's nothing wrong with starting in a lower paid job. There should be no shame in an honest day's work, no matter the job title.

On a practical/logistical level though: Have you paid into a pension over these past few years? What degree do you have? What are your ambitions/plans? Is there anything that you can use your degree for? Or any free online courses you can look at doing in the meantime? Also, you and your DH would need to properly discuss things like childcare, divvying out household tasks etc. It's all very well for him to expect you to get a job, but then expect nothing else to change for him. What was the WFH job you did last year? Would it be worth trying that out again once your youngest starts school?

FWIW, plenty of people do work and can keep up with parenting and household stuff. I'm a single parent and work FT. It's a slog, for sure, but it's doable. You (and your DH) would need to have a serious chat about the logistics though. I do all the parenting for both my DC. XH doesn't do any. For me to be able to keep my job, I had to negotiate a variation in my shift times and have rock solid childcare in place (as I couldn't rely on XH at all). It's easier now my youngest is not so young. The only time that I am now off work is if DC is ill, if I am ill or I have a day off/annual leave (whereas before I was stressing and trying to sort pick ups and drop offs as XH would suddenly change his mind about having the DC or go AWOL and leave me in the lurch). Lots of my friends are either single parents working, or have spouses (and both work, but they share the parenting and household stuff). I'd brainstorm some ideas and make a plan.

whats in it for him?! Are you serious?!

How about a better standard of living for them all? I know many women who retrained after having kids, some because their old jobs didnt fit family life very well and some because they wanted to do something different. I dont know of any who have struggled to find work afterwards!

That's right. Useless courses at the OU.

I get so mad when I read posts like this.

"Do what you have always done AND bring money in and dont expect any help whatsoever from me!"

Cards on the table time. Say that yes you are happy to find work but that he will need to step up. That you cannot do everything at home, all the childcare AND go to work. He either needs to pull his weight with his share of the above or pay to outsource it. Doesnt want to do any housework? Fine, pay for a cleaner then. Dont want to do any childcare? Fine, he can pay someone else to do it. And so on.

He seems to have this idea that when the kids are at school women have all day to do nothing, except actually by the time you have done the school run (especially if you live a distance from school) its not that much time at all!

And stamp down hard on the idea that anything you spend money on to improve your prospects is "taking money from the kids". Its an investment in everyones future including theirs. I would argue that not allowing you to progress from low paying jobs into a decent paying career is taking more money from them in the long run.

So does she.
Doesn’t want to work. But wants to buy a house.
Job ‘sounds nice’ but not if she has to wear a uniform.

I mean by all means get a job but be very clear that the expectation will be for his life to change too now. So he will need to be contributing to the childcare and day to day running of the house. See how he feels about that.

What do you do between 11 and 3?

You’ve got more than enough time there for an 18 or 20 hour a week job.

you just sound lazy. And using words like ‘decent packed lunch’ and
‘decent homemade dinner’ like all the working mums just provide shit ones! 🤣your justification is a bit lapse tbh!

Usually happens in less wealthy and less developed countries, horrid social hierarchy where parents scream at children 'if you don't get good marks at school, you will be driving a bus'. I am saying it from experience, from a former sister in law from Bulgaria, who did not have a flush-down toilet in her house but looked down on several 'uniformed' professions and she did not even hide it, she paraded her disdain.

What a horrible horrible post @MarygoldRose .
Vicious, misogynistic and patently untrue.
In a partnership, the couple work as a team. So the op facilitated her husband climbing up the career ladder whilst she cared for their children. Now it's her turn to start on the career ladder, started by the family money they both contributed to.

Shes literally said he's to her to apply for retail and waitressing?

I recommend getting a job with Age UK as a home helper. It's not many hours and you can fit it around your kids.

A. What was your degree in?

B. What are your ambitions that you mention?

Now you can start planning the steps to get from A to B.

Just like her DH? Why should her DH pay for her further education? What is in it for him? Say they married at 20. Plus 9 years of unemployment, plus 4 years of further studying - and then what - 33 years old with no work experience in the UK fresh on the job market? The employers will be lining up to offer her a job with a good career progression, yeah, right. Just keep dreaming, like the useless Open University adverts promise middle-aged people by enticing them to their useless courses

"having a break from work whilst having children"

should read

"Working constantly to ensure the house, husband and children are looked after"

he suggested retail and waitress work - last time I checked they weren't 70k jobs

.

UK passport, that is why

You do sound superior to be honest. Please expand on why you feel that "uniform" jobs are so below you. I'm in one am I less than you?

What’s your opinion on pilots op given the fact they’re in uniform?

Does he know how little those jobs pay??? If you have to pay for any childcare outside school hours, I'm not sure you'd earn hardly anything. Also, if you found work from home difficult to manage with drop-off and school pick up times, how is that going to work with your commute?

What is he offering to do differently so he can enable you to work easier? Let me guess - nothing.

I'd suggest to him that you start with a weekend job to cut down on childcare costs. That way, he can look after the kids at weekends and get used to contributing to the household in non-financial ways.

I'm all for women with children having jobs and careers but especially if it's an average earning household or single parent household or the couple aren't married , partly to protect yourself or if you have a real career pathway you can ease back into rather than any old random job.

When it's very high earner partners suggesting going into very average and not always very convenient hours jobs, I'm often suspicious of motives for suggesting it- does make me wonder if they think 'a split or redundancy ' is on the cards - because otherwise why not do something voluntary and flexible but within sensible hours if you don't need the cash?

I guess it depends how high earning is high earning?? I sort of see the point more if you have a moderately well paid 'career' you can just ease back into.

Totally agree with this. I work in a ‘uniform job’ and I imagined myself in a much fancier job growing up. However, after staying home when the kids were little and going back when the kids were both in school, I see the massive benefits of the job I have. I walk out exactly on time every day (my boss makes sure I never stay over), always there for the school run (DH will do it when he can), feel like im contributing to the family finances (even if only a small way compared to my DH) and I know I can progress in the future. I never have to think about work outside of the hours im there and thats priceless with kids.

I think once kids are at school, it is important that you find something for yourself (even a small part time job). Cleaning/running a home is a very important role but do you want to do that 5 days a week? You will feel very isolated and probably not good for mental health in the long run. I’d take something small if your DH works very long hours, 3 days a week to fit in school hours - look at schools, healthcare, lots of part-time office roles etc. I would do it for yourself rather than him telling you to.

The TA idea is a good one, I did it for a while when I re-entered the workplace after having small children. It’s good hours often 8-4pm type hours. The wage isn’t brilliant but it’s extra money and you can use it to pay for some savings and a pension for you. Maybe some treats like holidays? Or the house purchase if you’re wanting to move.

Sign up with an agency and do some TA work through them.

You need to be to be in some sort of work at least to give yourself some financial independence in the long run, at least start building up a pension.