DH pressuring me to find a job

Most working parents use holiday clubs, and unless DCs are prone to illness an emergency pick up would be rare. I think we had 2 in DS entire time at school and nursery.

Of course things are going to change a bit, but most families have two working DPs, it's not some shocking anomaly.

she doesn’t have a workload,she doesn’t work. She has the chores & parenting that everyone else manages without this much song & dance
She’s faffing about and looking for excuses not to work

YANBU
How many DCs do you have?

He does sounds quite selfish not allowing you to retrain and he's probably clueless about what it really takes to run a household and look after young DCs.

Will he take 6 week's off in the summer holidays to look after your DCs or leave work at the drop of a hat to pick them up from school if they're poorly?

You need to enlighten him and talk this through. otherwise your current workload is going to double.

Indeed. Obvious inference is the working slatterns have indecent lunch and breakfast

Sahm housewife isn’t a job. It’s tasks. And over describing tasks in minuatie doesn’t elevate it’s complexity or significance
By your logic anyone who works and is a parent therefore has two jobs the paid role and the home role as chef,cleansing operative and childcare

OP seems to be a bit princessy and doesn’t want to demean herself for working for less than she’s educated to, but has left the rat race so harder to get back into work and then wants a magic job so she can do drop off and pickup as doesn’t look like DH will do it (lawyers aren’t known for their work life balance), and also it looks like even if she did get her job she’s educated for she’d not be pleased with paying for childcare if she couldn’t do school runs. I don’t think her DH is unreasonable at all.

She really needs to speak to DH about him pulling his weight more around the house and with DC or outsourcing cleaning/childcare etc so she can work or even thinking about further education for her.

I think you need to work, but he expects you to do any old shit, and do literally everything else as well. Which is bullshit.

😂

I’m still laughing at ”decent breakfast” and
”decent packed lunch”.

Have you done a full breakdown of what your job of sahm actually entails, a timetable highlighting the hours, the responsibilities, the logistics - and had the conversation with him around how you will be equally sharing these tasks, once you're out at work earning?

And you may also need to pay for services such as cleaner, ironing, garden etc - has he factored that extra expense in?

Having said that, refinding some independence may be wise. Remembering how to earn, save, build a pension.

Regain self confidence as an individual other than wife & mum.

Because they'll be off before you know it, and building this up is sensible so it doesn't come as too much of a shock.

You have got to tell me you are kidding. Running a home? You mean running a flat in London. Or even if it was a house, I mean ffs…😂 This is not 1824.

All these excuses for not wanting to work are absolutely hilarious.

Too right!! What a sad attempt at justification! Working mums manage all those things plus holding down a full-time job!

@Macadamiamama you are just coming across as lazy. You should have anticipated going back to work when you no were going to be a sahm, because your kids weren't at home, and planned accordingly. Did you think you were going to be a kept woman for ever? Plus there's 9 years of pension to be made up - how are you going to do that?

It doesn't strike me as though you are all that comfortable if you don't go on holidays and you live in a flat?! I don't think it's fair to expect your husband to take complete financial responsibility for your family, while you languish on your backside at home and the kids are in school.

You may have to start small but that's on you for your decision to take 9 years out of the workforce.

I will say though that your DH will have to understand that he needs to up the ante and do his fair share of household tasks and childcare.

Podiatry assistant. Then you can slip into your training paid for by the NHS Trust you work for. The hours are 9 to 5 with weekends off. I used to earn 5k a month in private practice less in NHS but still ok.

Running a home?it’s a flat in London. Not large home to upkeep. How is a house or flat run in 2024. Online & easily that’s how
bills paid by dd
food shop online and pick up stuff as reqd
most correspondence is online. A few letters
finances managed online
school run. Working parents and everyone else manage
food. She has time to batch cook and do prep
chores and laundry she’s got the time and it’s again achievable

She’s really overstating it suggesting it’s a double shift and too onerous to work. Get a part time role that Fit around school pick up/drop off. Retail or a cafe.

realistically this about is her obvious reluctance and she’s happy to be the recipient of all things but in no way financially contribute. She knows he is stressed having the sole financial responsibility and her answer, meh! Can’t be expected to work. Draws comparisons that he wears a corporate uniform but she’ll be in the demeaning position of wearing a uniform.

don’t talk up daily repetitive tasks and suggest it’s onerous and that doing chores and stuff whilst kids are at school is simply too important be doing anything else eg employment

If you return to work, it’s important that he reduces his work hours/work load. He says the reason you need to work is because he works long hours, doesn’t see the kids etc, so he needs to hold up his end of the bargain so to speak.

I think it’s important you go into a job you are comfortable with. If not, you’ll be miserable and so will he and the kids by extension. Have you thought about doing some admin work with a temporary agency? Either part time or in a school would be good. You’ll get some experience, no pressure or massive commitment and some income while building your confidence.

I work in an office profession but have done waitressing before and it is tough work for minimum wage. If you did waitressing/service work, you’d be on your feet all day an exhausted when you get home for the kids. I’d always choose an admin job over catering/waitressing again.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain I agree that working in law doesn't necessarily equate to well paid- it was the OP who said he was 'well paid'. My interpretation of 'well paid' would be a nice lifestyle that stretches beyond being affording only the basics (I appreciate London house prices will require a lot of saving for a large deposit, but 'well paid' indicates you'd be able to enjoy a treat here or there whilst saving up)

I also agree with you that teacher training is unlikely to work for the OP right now, and is unlikely to be particularly family friendly hours wise- the teachers I know all put in extra time at home, even the part time one

Thats not true at all. They want ta qualifications, they will occasionally, but not very often taken someone one who is willing to gain them.

I think a degree would suffice.

@penjil they are hardly very financially comfortable if they can't afford to go on a holiday or move from an apartment to a house.

If you are financially.comfortable enough, and it sounds as if you are, then why is you DH making you work?

Just for the sake of it?

What is wrong with being a SAHM/housewife if you can afford to do so?

You could always find a volunteer role to hone your skills or get some experience finding out what it is you want to do.

I don't know many men who would demand their wives work as a waitress, receptionist etc. just for the sake of it. If you are comfortable then you don't need to 'contribute financially'.

I think your DH is a bit jealous of you, and also doesn't understand how much time, energy and effort children and running a house is.

I am sorry OP it must be hard. I think the world has moved on in that women are encouraged to have kids & work but as a result families are stretched thin time wise.

Despite the posturing by companies I do think women are penalised for not working for years whilst raising kids and even when having a year + out for mat leave and pregnancy complications.

Definitely get a job OP as the less years you spend not having a (official) job the less you’ll be penalised when trying to get a job.

Agree that working in a school is a good idea. Receptionist type role or TA. School holidays and good hours and I think a decent pension.

OP, I'm a bit perplexed about your comment re: uniforms. That part does sound very "superior". There's nothing wrong, embarrassing or somehow "lacking" about a person wearing a uniform for work! I wear one for work (Nurse/Sister) and it's easy knowing what I've got to wear each day! I'm proud to have my uniform and I feel very privileged to have my job. Also, there's nothing wrong with starting in a lower paid job. There should be no shame in an honest day's work, no matter the job title.

Every job I've ever had I've worn a uniform, like you say you don't have to think about what you're going to wear each day, mentally it provides a degree of seperation between home and work, I get straight in the door and the uniform comes off and I get in my comfies! I don't get the OPs snobbery around wearing them, even if you don't have a uniform as such you'll still have "work clothes" which you only wear for work so it's technically a uniform?

OP I think you are anxious and trying to find your way out. I also think that once your youngest is at school you will have more time. Never mind contributing financially will increase your self worth and self esteem. There will be growing pains but I have no doubt you will grow into it as a family and as a person. Good luck!

This
The problem is that it is all well and good getting a job, but I bet that OP’s dh will expect her to continue to do all the chores, collect kids from school , take time off for parents evening etc

Lots of the TAs who work across the schools I’ve worked in don’t have any qualifications.

It’s a minimum wage job and schools currently need lots of them to support high need children 1:1 with very high needs. It’s full on and not flexible at all in term time-it’s hard to get people to apply at the moment when there are WFH jobs available. The last two TAs hired at my school have no qualifications beyond maths/English GCSE. (In fact, I don’t think the last one had the English).