DH pressuring me to find a job

This.

Mmm there's evidently not been much thought about the practicalities. What's needed here is a sensible long term plan, with the full agreement and cooperation of both partners.

I can see this thread has fluffed up many feathers.
And as for an UK passport for the OP - I'm from another country, too, and very happy after 2016 that I kept the Czech one.
Thanks but no thanks. 😁

I have seen so many times that people can be intelligent in their profession, but lack basic common sense. He seems like he is one of them. Thinking waitressing is a suitable job for a mother with young children, yeah right. Restaurants just give you random shifts and they are different shifts every week as well. Finding someone who will provide flexible childcare while she works will probably cost her more than she earns!

A PhD is quite a niche interpretation of 'retrain'!

Also, how would OP retraining affect DHs career prospects in a way that her getting one of the jobs he's suggested wouldn't? Note that all of them would need to be done in person, at set times and by their nature couldn't offer much flexibility. Let's say one of the DC is ill, and OP isn't able to pick up her phone because it's the lunchtime rush in the cafe and she simply can't... school are going to end up phoning him.

If he wants something that allows OP to bring money into the household whilst affecting him as little as possible, the roles he's suggested are pretty optimistic choices.

Unfortunately, the OP hasn't returned to enlighten us on why wearing a uniform's OK for all the rest of us, but demeaning for her (only a suit will do, don'tcha know). Heck, how I hate these unsolved mysteries...come back, OP, I think we should be told! 😁

But from his side he might think, what if I allow DW to retrain, talking prob 3 years here if another degree or masters, PhD if full time. Then what job can she get after that. Then there’s the question of how it affects his career prospects. Having worked with lawyers, yes most are behind, sometimes but not always you can wfh normally smaller companies who realise renting an office costs money. But I don’t know many male lawyers who do school runs.

It really is a long game for him.

YABU the issue isn't your DH it's you turning your nose up at the jobs he's suggested!

Yes jobs around the house will need to better planned and some you might drop. Work us good for the soul and with your degrees who knows where you could end up from any job he suggested. But first, stop looking down your nose at people who work in the service industry. We'd all be goosed without them....

Tbh I think you sound a bit snobby. What’s wrong with a uniform? If your child’s starting school, you should be looking for a job. Plenty of part time jobs in between school hours if you look. Your husbands asking you to contribute to the household. I do these hours in a min wage job, like many others, plus have plenty time for household stuff. I think you sound entitled

But she could be as someone said from a lesser developed country like Bulgaria or Albania where it is seen that people in uniforms are “staff” and there’s a big divide between rich/poor/middle classes. It seems strange that she says she’s done a few jobs here and there since leaving uni but I do know someone from Slovakia who did similar, worked in her home country on and off and then returned to England (she got married and divorced meantime, no DC) and in whilst that happened she split her time between England and Slovakia working on and off too, so maybe that’s more common to do that with work in these countries, I don’t know, another Albanian woman (Muslim) didn’t work but studied on and off in England and expected her brother who also worked here to help keep her which he did before she moved abroad. I do think for some of these countries it’s still engrained in some not all families that the man of the house works to keep the wife/mother, of course times have changed so lots do share work loads now but it can still be traditional.

If she takes a minimum wage job and then has to pay for child care, add on transport to work etc will she even cover her costs? It's all very welI saying how he is under pressure being the only breadwinner etc, but I don't see how this would help. I also don't understand how an intelligent, educated man like her DH doesn't seem to have worked this out. I also don't understand why he doesn't want her to do any training to qualify her for a better paid job as it would be advantageous in the longer run.

I went back to work when my youngest started in reception after being a SAHM for a few years and was very nervous at first, having lost all my confidence. I too was annoyed at my DH who pushed me into it but it was the best thing I could have done and he absolutely picked up the slack at home. I was lucky enough to get a job in a related field to my original career however. Working was definitely good for my mental health and I am now, many years later, retired on a good pension which I would not otherwise have had. So yes, going back to work is a good thing in principle but the devil is in the detail!

Yawn, did you bother to read the OP properly? Stop making things up

If this is actually about affording a more expensive home, it would be more sensible of the DH to play the long game, and fund some retraining. Speculate to accumulate etc. He's saying it's money taken from their kids, but OP not if it enables OP to get better paid work.

Honestly you do sound incredibly entitled. He has supported you for 9 years and now rightly wants you to contribute financially so ye can have a few more luxuries. Time you get a job. Believe me it can be the death keel of a relationship when one partner resents the other for not pulling their weight!

@Zone2NorthLondon Its unrealistic, from the OP, for the one working to assume that the wife can “just get a job” if he is not going to help with the kids.
She is setting herself up for a job that will mean she has even less time for everything else that needs doing in the Flat, while DH thinks he’s doing everything because he gets paid for it!

He’s the refusing to do any housework even when OP gets a job. And denying her an education.

So no, she isn’t the fucker, he is.

If he's expecting you to go back to work while still doing everything else you do then he's going to have to step up and in as well. He cannot expect you to work and do everything at home and everything related to the children as well. Your stress is no less valid than his. It's normal to go back to work when the kids are at school but I don't think it's acceptable for him to not pick up domestic slack at the same time.

To be honest, I get where he comes from.

My husband earns good money. Yes, our house is paid off, and we don't have to worry about checking prices in the store or eating out, but I also feel like contributing is important. As we have two kids, I also feel like it's important to be able to support them and myself - relying only on my husband - it's a bit risky for me - anything could happen.

It's not like the old days, I think it's a lot of pressure now on one person to support the whole household. Jobs are definitely not secured, and you never know with this economy what will happen.

I think it's a fair request from his side.

You encapsulate the issues well here.

It makes sense that OP look for work, for lots of reasons. However, the DH here isn't being very realistic. Because he's expecting her work to make a financial contribution to the household, through a low paid job whilst also making no adjustments to his lifestyle.

It sounds like OP and DH probably have 2 or 3 DC, all of childcare age still. If the DH is a higher earner, they're unlikely to qualify for any UC towards childcare costs and might not even get the tax free scheme. And the roles he's suggested are going to require holiday care. It might be possible to get, say, school hours waitressing during term time, but that's not likely to be term time only. The posters on this thread have had much more realistic ideas than DH has.

Why should she be a waitress if she doesn’t want to? She should be able to get qualifications for what SHE wants to do and he should support her.
I didn't mention being a waitress? He's supporting her now and has done for years. Of course she should get qualifications for what she wants to do, but it has to work for the family.

And make the fucker work? Does that feisty statement apply to her too? She’s the fucker that isn’t working. Should he stridently tell her this?

If you want to buy a house you (reading it as both of you) will need to bring home more money.

If working and kids together are to much for you try part time works around kids school hours if feasible, they will continue growing and this is not because your husband wanted you to have a job if because at some point you will need to go back to working to have some financial independence. At home mother's/father's are unfortunately in a vulnerable position, don't put yourself in that situation in a couple of years you can have better jobs, qualifications, promotions or whatever.

If childcare out school hours is far too expensive and it is not worthy economically for you to go back to work make sure he knows it.

I'm sick of men that do nothing at home and think that as soon as the kids are in school the kids raise themselves on their own. Once I've said that, get a job just for your own future. I would do that if I were you.

Whatever you decide make sure he understands all that you do around the house etc.

This. Even if you do get something like a TA job make sure you are clear that sick days for your child (and there are lots in the early years) need to be split, the roles of default parent for stuff like this will need to change. TA jobs are great for childcare and school hols but who will do the big shop etc, it doesn't mean you should still do 100% of stuff at home.

OP’s DH isn’t letting her get a degree even though she has spent years birthing and raising his babies, whilst he has progressed his own career.

Why should she be a waitress if she doesn’t want to? She should be able to get qualifications for what SHE wants to do and he should support her.

I get that you do all the parenting, but how are you going to justify not working when both your children are in school? If you do all the parenting and housework now, then your children going to school will benefit you by freeing up time.

You'll have a total of 30hours a week of 'free' time when they're in school. No reason not to have a part-time job.

For your own stability, get a job and start earning your own money.