DH pressuring me to find a job

I agree that he should step up more if she gets a job - but I don't agree with the idea that working with school age children is incredibly hard.

In fact this is part of why I think she would be better off getting a more serious career job rather than a waitressing type job, the former is often more flexible

I was responding to a post which said you have to have qualifications.

When in fact you do not need any qualifications, unlike the teacher.

Schools usually like grade4 in English and Maths then 3-6months of being monitored in school to get your level 2.

Ultimately It’s the schools decision what they want their TAs to have, there are no standard ‘requirements’.

If you have a degree like OP online courses will get you to a higher level relatively quickly which can give you a higher salary and more responsibilities.

What constitutes minimal in the area OP lives, and why assume would it only be in school holidays?

Single parents are disadvantaged in their careers, he doesn’t have that problem because of OP.

Exactly this.
You both made a decision that you would abandon career-building so that the children wouldn't be pushed immediately into childcare. It was a valid choice, but it has consequences. You will need further education in order to mitigate the damage done to your prospects, and during this time, and afterwards once you are working, you will as a family need to pay for good childcare and domestic support, so that you are not doing double shifts while he continues to focus solely on his career.

Or he accepts that there is a price to having the responsibility for childcare lifted from his shoulders for all these years.

Childcare costs for school age is minimal, especially if it's just in school holidays.

Many pages in and OP has never come back ...

I don't agree with what the PP said but I don't agree that he can only work because she takes care of the kids. He'd use paid childcare if she wasn't there. That's what single parents do.

I think the point to take is that while clearly lots of lone parents are able to juggle inflexible, low paid jobs and multiple DC, they aren't typically earning enough to upgrade from a flat to a house in London while they do it.

Additionally, in practice a single parent in an expensive area doing a job like waitressing would almost certainly be entitled to substantial childcare subsidies. Based on the information OP has given, they probably wouldn't get UC and might not even have access to tax free childcare either. Which moves the financial goalposts.

Unless he is going to take on his fair share of the childcare and housework I'd tell him to stuff it.

Most of the families I know have 2 parents prepared to step up or family that help out. My single mum friends have a shitty time when the kids are ill and it’s a nightmare.

Is it really?

According to the stats, over 75% of mothers work. It's the norm.

Most households don't have someone at home just in case a child is ill, they use some childcare and do the washing at the weekend.

Wow so now SAHMs are unproductive consumers?

You sound straight out of a MRA / Incel site.

HE CAN ONLY WORK BECAUSE SHE TAKES CARE OF THEIR KIDS.

It's not. People really need to get over this idea that families can only possibly manage if one parent works flexibly and very part time. You crack on with it.

I think it’s very hard. I didn’t say impossible.

You get childcare for school holidays. How do you think lone parents manage? Do you think we don't work?

So, after a 15 years away from work, I did the MA/PhD route. Was able to start tutoring after the MA and am teaching/lecturing a few modules while doing my PhD, so am now earning money flexibly around my kids (who are teens, but SEN). Can do a lot via zooms and I also run writing retreats and workshops with other tutors privately, so quite lucrative.

Depending on what OP’s first degree is in, she could potentially do a MSc/conversion MSC in Psychology, law etc (PT is an option). I know several single mums who have done CIMA or AAT accountancy courses in a modular fashion and picked up a PT job along the way that helps pay for them. The MA/MSc ‘s can be funded by a student loan so would not cost DH a penny (they are not means tested, I have loans for both my MA and PhD which I’ve not started paying back yet :D ).

My DH works for a global company and that champions professional women returning to work after career breaks, he himself having just hired a woman after a 12 year break to raise her kids. There are loads of opportunities for a graduate mum returning to work/education that shouldn’t ‘cost’ her husband… other than the need for after school clubs or summer holiday care, if he isn’t willing to pitch in

I hope she takes a moment to explore what’s possible.

Who is going to take time off when the kids are ill? Who is going to look after them in the school holidays? Who will clean, cook, wash the clothes etc? He’s he really thought it out because I doubt it will be easy, unless he steps up or you are part time in a very flexible job.

A sham. A sahm! Although it was a sham. He didn't get the reality of it. OPs other half needs to step up so that she can go out to work/have more of a plan. Otherwise she is stuck.

"Work is good for the soul"

Really? My work is good for my soul because it's interesting and I get paid £40 an hour.

I've had jobs that have been backbreaking and repetitive, have bought me into contact with some really unpleasant people, have been financially exploitative and I didn't find them 'good for my soul' at all.

So much low paid work is soul destroying.

It's actually not that easy. I divorced mine. I'm now in a well paid job after being a sham for 8 or so years. He could.not.understand. that in order to get said job I needed him to take on more of the kids stuff. He wanted 50/50 so I gave it to him because I needed to work. It wasn't long before he was a lot more respectful because he suddenly realised what I'd been doing re kids all this time. But I had to divorce him to get any respect whatsoever. Which is stupid. Because everyone is poorer on divorce and had he stepped up at the time we would be much better off now as a couple. Saying that he's an idiot so I'm better off out.

It is entirely reasonable to expect you to work, at the very most it would need a little readjustment and discussion on how drop-offs, pick-ups, poorly children’s etc would work and that the level of housework would drop (and get a cleaner, even if every 2 weeks) but assuming he is not expecting you to work full time then it’s entirely possible. More a case of being very different to what you are used to, that is not the same as it not being possible and manageable.

In our house one has very similar role to your DH with long hours and unpredictable finish times but does morning breakfast club drop offs, other works 3 days and does the pickups from after school club those days too. We split sick days etc. We did this from babies so are used to it but it works absolutely fine and has kept both in good jobs etc

You do realise doctors wear uniforms, as do many professionals and everyone starts somewhere.

There is nothing wrong with retail or hospitality.

What are your skills are interests? If you are organised doctors are crying out for receptionists and health care assistants. TAs are in demand as are care workers.

Despite the snobbery about retail many supermarkets offer a great scheme to help people progress as do McDonalds.

Waitressing where? In a cafe? During school hours? Be there early to set up, and finish when? 3pm so she can pick her kids up from school?

OP have you considered childminding for a few years while your children are still young? There's a huge shortage right now. It's not brilliant pay but would allow you not to have to pay childcare. You could also set some of your energy costs against your salary.