DH pressuring me to find a job

@LondonFox "Also, what is the drama with uniforms?
Yeah, her husband thinks these jobs are below and shit, jet thinks it is perfectly ok for his wife to get stuck into one so he can enjoy free nanny/maid/slave wife."

It was the OP denigrating these jobs, not her DH. He presumably thinks they are ok or he wouldn't have mentioned them.

Look as someone who earns money I will always do what I can to put into the family pot, so I am being made redundant from my well paid corporate job (thankfully with a good pay off). I am trying to get a similar role, but if I can't I will do anything really as I won't sit around doing nothing.

I know OP is not in the same position with young DCs, but I have little sympathy for someone being condescending about certain job roles, when they haven't earned anything ( apart from short wfh with DCs) for 9 years.

Well aren’t you being a princess. Can’t believe you’ve just referred to people working in uniforms
being sub standard to your husband in a suit. Wow. Double shifting? How are you double shifting your kids will be at school when you are working. You have seen that most women work now and have families.’

You are missing the point that working parents SPLIT these responsibilities so they each have a full time job + part time one. Op's husband will be doing none of that so op will effectively be working 2 full time jobs.

If she emphasised that point in the opening post instead of looking down on low paid workers the responses on this thread would look much different!

Yes I know. That’s the dilemma here.
But if they are both of the joint family mindset the non working partner would be supportive of the family and work.
If one unilaterally decides without discussion and agreement that they don’t want to work then that’s not really a happy working relationship.
Everything would still be shared because they are a family but I can’t see this as a long term happy family.

In this situation OP whilst not wanting a ‘uniformed job’ doesn’t mean she can’t retrain and / or educate herself further to take up a job she will enjoy.

"He won’t pay for further education either as that’d be taking money from the kids." What education do you have? What education do you want to get? You say "further" not "higher" education, which makes me think you aren't up to degree level yet? Do you have GCSEs in Maths and English? You may well be able to get free courses, if you don't have GCSEs and don't earn.

I'm genuinely intrigued as to what courses people think would be an investment for OP and guarantee her a well paying career ?

I mean I can see vocational may work but something like accountancy is presumably full time for a number of years. Many courses and degrees are not worth anything in terms of guaranteeing future employment.

We employ staff through an agency that is about retaining people for jobs in the corporate world so ex forces and ex forces wives are quite common and often women returners to work. Maybe this could be an option, but would be full time.

Yup!
I am surprised how many here are unable to understand what they just red.
Everyone is telling OP to get min wage part time job and shut up.
Why should she?
She graduated and spent almost ten years not attending career but birthing and keeping children and household on track.
Decent husband would take flexi work to support her career by becoming primary carer for school aged children while she can get career in decent place.
Or he can shut the fuck up and continue having SAHM to do it for him
Also, what is the drama with uniforms?
Yeah, her husband thinks these jobs are below and shit, jet thinks it is perfectly ok for his wife to get stuck into one so he can enjoy free nanny/maid/slave wife.
Fuck him and his inability to be happy and earn enough for life he wants.

Btw I have no idea why MN butchered my first post and made it all no.1 with huge gaps in text.

The answer is easy. You get a job and he helps out more around the house. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a uniform

Oh, and given our kids have SEND, we had at least one medical appointment a month and it would've been me having to take time off work to do those appointments. Not practical at all!

housework/life admin/everything that isn't a paid job That is Tasks. Working parents manage this day in and day out. None of those tasks require an adult FT. Only the childcare need responsible adult Ft.
out of interest what is life admin? Emails, planning socials, sending cards is not onerous.

But he should be forced to be the financial provider for as long as OP fancies it?

My other half was like this. Thought I could go full time when the youngest started at school but still expected me to do all of the cleaning, all of the child rearing, all of the kids admin, all of the food shop and cooking for it to be me to take time off when the kids weren't at school because he obviously couldn't because of his very important job!

He just didn't get it when I showed him the figures. That it would cost £200/week in childcare for before and after school plus then even more in the school holidays even though he would be off work but wouldn't take care of the kids (wanted me to get a job where I would be off in the hols). I worked part time and made the same money as I would have after paying for childcare if I'd worked full time. Just couldn't understand how that worked even though I presented him with the figures. Basically, he wanted me to have two full time jobs, one paid and the unpaid one of single handedly raising our kids and being a housemaid!

Looking after her children. That's what she's being doing for 9 years, and doing all of the housework/life admin/everything that isn't his paid job. Sounds like she's being doing everything related to the children and the house. I went back to work after children, and I can still see that. Difference is that my DH is supportive and helps with our children equally, that's made it possible. OP, I'd try and find something where you can progress, try Civil Service roles for part-time and you can progress from entry level upwards, you want something you can progress in with a good pension.

Laughing at this running a home notion. It’s a flat in London.Not a big estate. No flat in London needs a woman running it, to extent she can’t work..Pre-mechanisation of task yes the home tasks were time consuming. Yet still women worked

Nowdays we have time saving devices and online facilities
banking online to move money and pay services
Pay bills by DD
online communications
minimal written correspondence
electronic diary reminders of birthdays & events
online food delivery
Hoover
freezer
fridge
dishwasher
microwave
slow cooker
batch cook & freeze portions

She’s been having babies, raising the babies whilst DH works long hours and also doing all the housework which DH refuses to help with.

What else did you expect her to be doing?

Both my parents are also teachers and our school has just asked parents if they would be willing to.come in for a few hours due to lack of TAs.
Nearly every TA in the school is a current parent (or youngster working towards a teaching degree)

Yes, but respectfully, what the F has she been doing for those past 9 years? Surely her DH hasn't been letting her stay home all those years even if it has been at the expense of e.g. saving nursery fees? She has her own brain and she must know how things work in the UK, e.g. if you don't work soon after having kids it's harder to rejoin the job market later. Why hasn't she been studying in these 9 years?

She has a degree yes, but was this transferable to the UK? If not, why didn't she go about getting it that way?

So far so typical. When a woman disagrees with you she is ‘aggressive’.

Why can’t he organise the house and a cleaner? Very telling you see it as OP’s job. And cleaners clean, they don’t do all the housework.

Do you even know what it takes to run a house?

The only one who is out of touch is op's husband who thinks op can get a full time job and still do all the childcare while he continues to not lift a finger

My mother is a headmistress, my step-dad a teacher, I've worked in over 35 schools in 18 years. I must know hundreds of TAs, and not one of them started unqualified, bar the headmasters niece. Not impossible, but there are usually over 500 applicants for teaching assistants, and most are qualified.

Well apparently she’s been sat on her arse sponging off him for 9 years..

Sometimes women are their own worst enemies..

Women who don’t work at all and rely on a husband ‘s income are mad.

Please control your aggression its only a mumsnet thread .Sge could get a cleaner .

I started back at work when my youngest was 3.

Previous career was Exec Assistant and I earnt £40k a year. Didn't fancy the stress and travel anymore so... yup, I got a job wearing a uniform and did evenings at McDonalds, I was earning, out the house and got a bit of "me" back. Loved it! Stayed for 2 years till DD started school then the nights weren't feasible so now I work part time during school hours doing companionship care for people in their own homes.

Nothing wrong with wearing a uniform at all!

No, it’s YOU who is spectacularly missing the point. It’s not flighty or superior to want to have further education and a career afterwards.

Her DH refuses to do any housework when she gets a job and you want her to do the housework, a job and a course at the same time? Are you for real?