DH pressuring me to find a job

Being a SAHM when your kids are all at school is harder than working?

Absolutely - they finish school at 3.30…! Whereas I was in my job until 7 most days and not home until past 8. So I missed the vast majority of the daily slog (and feel rather lucky to have done so!)

He won’t change anything in his life
This needs emphasising to him. Theres a massive list of jobs that need to be done in the running of a home. If he is working long hours and doing nothing in the home, who else is sharing the work?

i agree, but not if i was the only breadwinner as that in itself is really stressful knowing that the whole household depends on you and theres no other financial back up.

So, for example, an MSc conversion (1 year, funded by a govt loan) would mean getting a trainee psychologist job (SLT for example are desperately needed). About £25kpa at the start, but closer to £70k after 10 years in the NHS, more if in mixed/private practice? Or law… similar pay trajectory. An MSc in Comp Sci/IT if first degree is related would also reap dividends as new Comp Sci grads earn £30-65k…

Or an MSC means you can become a uni lecturer? Starting pay £35k; term time hours.

All have career potential that would support OP’s DH in that house move and would underwrite additional childcare costs or an annual holiday.

All depends on Op’s degree discipline and interests.

Christ, that’s basic
Try harder

😆

Being a SAHM when your kids are all at school is harder than working?

I find that hard to believe to be honest.

Have some of the posters on here failed to read the OP, there's lots of people saying she gave up her career to facilitate his. OP states that she did her degree in her home country, moved here worked a bit on and off then had children and gave up work. She doesn't say that she was in a career, working towards or particularly interested in one.

She makes clear that her DH is fine with whatever job she gets, she just doesn't want to get one that she thinks is beneath her.

She makes clear that their financial situation currently doesn't allow them as a family to do what they want - buy a house and go on holidays.

So why are so many people making out that OPs DH is unreasonable for asking her to contribute to the household finances, or that she is perfectly reasonable to want to just stay home wasting all day everyday doing not much of anything while she waits for her children's school day to end so she can go pick them up?

Part time work is an achievable goal, it may be difficult to find M-F 10-2, but that isn't the only option, she could work 8hr days on Tuesday and a Thursday for example and the kids go to before and after school twice a week, or they may have family who could help.

Like every other family with 2 working parents they would need to use holiday clubs for some of the holidays but there are 13 weeks of those, between the 2 parents they will have at least 10 weeks A/l which means 3 weeks holiday club, make it 5 so they can have a couple of weeks all together, spread the cost of that over a years worth of the extra income into the household and they won't negate each other so it will still have been worth working, especially if using an Ofsted registered holiday club and the govt tax free childcare scheme.

@bluewanda I’ve been a SAHM (before children were school age) and someone in a stressful job (teacher). The former was much, much easier.

being a sahp is actually ardest job in the world

Your latest post has confirmed my suspicions - your H has gone AWOL.

https://www.currys.co.uk/products/goji-3in1-wireless-keyboard-and-mouse-set-pink-10248707.html

You’re welcome! 😘

You Presume I’m a bloke?
I presume your argumentative & prone to mendacity

What about looking at jobs with your local council? There's usually plenty of scope for progression and they'll often pay for training/further education. When my youngest went into reception, I retrained as a youth worker and worked in a Pupil Referral Unit. Not massively well paid but very rewarding and term time so fitted in with the kids. Local councils are usually quite flexible when it comes to working hours too.

working FT I’ve encountered prejudice etc from the non working mother
But It is me they want to talk to their daughters about uni, working,career progression as they have literally no relevant experience to share
No one kids ever needed or requested a career talk about running a house, or how being a sahp is actually ardest job in the world

It reads to me like you expect your husband to provide for you because he is a man and that you are not willing to get a job because somehow you feel he should bear the responsibility of being in the money.
As a single parent who has had to provide for myself and 3DC it's bloody hard, and I would be afraid he will resent you very much if you stay at home once your youngest is in school. And resentment kills love faster than almost anything else ...

It doesn’t really matter if looking after your kids is really a job or whatever. The fact is that someone has to do it and that someone is not the OP’s husband.

Yup - I did this for a while and it was bliss! Much easier than childcare.

Is your keyboard missing an H? I assume from your post you’re a bloke. Let me repeat my previous post, since you don’t seem to have grasped what I said. I’ve been a SAHM and someone in a stressful job. The former was much harder.

Yep and I would have loved to swan off to an office all day whilst someone else picked up all the slack at home - looked after two young kids and did all the drudgery, all the cleaning and washing and cooking and childcare. Then come home from my interesting job to a clean house, kids in bed, meal cooked…

All the while focusing on my career with no distractions. I know what sounds preferable to me..

ardest job in the world. That old spiel, blah blah
utter nonsense of course
parenting Is a predominantly private endeavour not subject to external scrutiny or external standards . It is not harder than a job because it’s not a job. A set of tasks isn’t equivalent to a job.i suppose it was. A matter of time before the ardest job in the world line got trotted out

(Having been a SAHM and someone in a relatively stressful job, I feel qualified to say that). I found the parenting much harder.

Parenting & associated tasks isn’t a job. It’s what you do as a parent, but job it is not

No, it’s not a job - it’s much harder!

She’s not working at all never mind 2 jobs. Parenting & associated tasks isn’t a job. It’s what you do as a parent, but job it is not

Going forward Yes they need to split the tasks, apportion responsibilities and collaboratively pull together. They’re stuck in oppositional stances
shes financially inactive and unwilling to work,
hes the work donkey and he resents the sole responsibility

The only thing I can think of is tech courses.

Ask him if he's going to start contributing a fair share of household chores and childcare in order for you to find work in order to financially contribute. Can you find something part time to work around school hours. If not you need to think about after school childcare too which isn't free unless you have family or friends who will be happy to help with school runs etc

Appreciate your obvious experience in the field however
its not a requirement

OP, I hear you over your post. You've been raising his/both your children/a household for all these years and as soon they start school, it becomes the "get a job" narrative over any job. I'm the first to spot people who look down on low wage workers like myself and you weren't. You brought up the uniform thing to illustrate the point over the disparity between his fancy career/his privilege over relatively speaking, what he out of nowhere, started a conversation with you over expecting you to do over suggestion of jobs. So I totally get why you wrote that. It takes time to find a suitable job. And I do believe people should be happy where they work. Why should you be pushed into a shitty job without re training (that he is denying you) whilst he swans off his high status most likely, easier one? How you both move onto a bigger home could just mean an adjustment of how money is spent, anyway, rather than forcing a job onto you and him then having the gall to say he won't be doing his share of childcare or housework, etc.

Working is massively over rated sometimes and if employer's want people to fill their roles, why judge someone for not working over "gaps"? I mean who cares, anyway, unless someone is in some major career to begin with that holds them back if they heaven forbid, weren't "economically active" for a year or so? If someone was out of work, they still acquire skills and do things with life. Even then, so what if someone wanted to to - or be - something else other than a wage slave for a while.