Page 2 | WIBU to wake them up

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 2024-04-07T08:24:01+00:00

I have four thirteen year olds asleep on air beds in the lounge. They were in bed whispering in the dark at 11pm. I went to bed then so I don't know when they actually went to sleep. They're all sensible well behaved kids. If it was just mine I'd have woken her by now.

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 10:41

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So I have learned! It's something else to go on the list of things we thought were "normal" but actually aren't. It's been quite a steep learning curve. As I said, I do feel like a wally. It's only when someone points something out that you become aware of these things. Given that the other three kids are not autistic that was actually what I needed to know, don't wake neurological 13 year olds on a Sunday morning!😂

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Longma · 07/04/2024 10:33

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Longma · 07/04/2024 10:31

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Longma · 07/04/2024 10:30

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rainbowunicorn · 07/04/2024 10:22

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 07/04/2024 10:15

Why on earth didn't you mention the ASD on your first thread?
Drives me mad.. people give opinions.. then when the OP doesn't agree.. more information comes out.
What's the point???

Why on earth did you not read the OPs updates before your little rant? If you had done you would have seen her perfectly reasonable explanation for your question.

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 10:19

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 07/04/2024 10:15

Why on earth didn't you mention the ASD on your first thread?
Drives me mad.. people give opinions.. then when the OP doesn't agree.. more information comes out.
What's the point???

Because I hadn't realised it made a difference. I'm so used to having this routine it hadn't occurred to me other people wouldn't. I do feel like a bit of a wally for not realising. But honestly it was not an intentional drip feed. It was only when people started questioning the need for a routine that I found out that other 13 year olds didn't need a routine. She's my eldest, I just don't know any different.

OP posts:

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 07/04/2024 10:15

Why on earth didn't you mention the ASD on your first thread?
Drives me mad.. people give opinions.. then when the OP doesn't agree.. more information comes out.
What's the point???

almostspring2024 · 07/04/2024 10:09

OP ime the smile will disappear almost the minute her friends leave and then there may well be tears of exhaustion all day
So happy for her though

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 10:04

The diagnosis is recent, triggered by the anxiety. She's not in school full time. There's lots of things that I'm realising, in hindsight, are connected to it.

They're up and eating breakfast now. It seems DD went to sleep about 2, and actually was awake at least an hour before everyone else but stayed in bed dozing. It's going to be a tricky day I think, but she's got a big smile on her face so totally worth it.

OP posts:

almostspring2024 · 07/04/2024 09:59

Surely her routine is up the spout now anyway after the sleepover and up until goodness knows what time? Just let them sleep until they want
I think it's lovely she's had a sleepover even if, sadly, you may pay the price today once her friends have left ( from my own experience of hosting sleepovers for my NT children almost every weekend in teen years)
I so look forward to the day my ND GS has friends he could have on a sleepover or even be invited to one

Dery · 07/04/2024 09:52

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine - it does make a difference but it’s not surprising you didn’t know as you have been learning your parenting with an autistic elder child.

It’s now recognised that teens actually need more sleep than pre-adolescent children but the teen bodyclock does tend to mean they don’t go to bed early to get that extra sleep! That’s why they tend to sleep in at weekends and parents generally let them if they don’t have to get up for something specific.

FWIW, my younger DD has recently been diagnosed as autistic and she will go to bed early and also prefers not to sleep in too late (unless she’s having a sleepy day in which case she may spend the whole day in bed).

We have come to realise that she is working harder than all her NT peers in a social situation and navigating an NT world when you’re ND is massively anxiety-inducing. Fortunately you’re ahead of the game because you already have your DD’s diagnosis. There’s a lot we would have done differently if we had understood the situation sooner. It’s great that your DD can host a sleepover but you’re right to think about how to manage it so that it doesn’t all go wrong later.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 07/04/2024 09:51

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:47

I totally see your point. I just hadn't really realised others wouldn't have a routine by now. Obviously when they were younger everyone had routines, I hadn't realised that we had diverged from the norm. This thread has been a bit of a wake up call for me (pun intended!)

It may be a non issue now anyway as my 10 year old is moving around the house with all the grace of an angry elephant!

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Many teenagers do tend to have a routine, especially during the week but also sometimes at the weekend (if they do a sport or some other activity), but often relax it for things like sleepovers. Obviously some folk, for example folk with autism, need to stick more to their normal routine than others do, in order to feel ok.
Anyway, hope your daughter is having fun!

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:47

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 07/04/2024 09:41

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, surely you can see it looks like drip feeding to everyone else?

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I totally see your point. I just hadn't really realised others wouldn't have a routine by now. Obviously when they were younger everyone had routines, I hadn't realised that we had diverged from the norm. This thread has been a bit of a wake up call for me (pun intended!)

It may be a non issue now anyway as my 10 year old is moving around the house with all the grace of an angry elephant!

OP posts:

CantFindTheBeat · 07/04/2024 09:41

Sounds like they've had a great time, OP.

I'd start making general 'cooking breakfast' noise, and add in some fab bacon and/or pancake smells, you'll find they start to wake up on their own!

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 07/04/2024 09:41

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:38

Honestly not intentional, sorry. I forget that a lot of what we do is connected to that, it's just normal for us.

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Giving you the benefit of the doubt, surely you can see it looks like drip feeding to everyone else?

JacquesHarlow · 07/04/2024 09:40

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:38

Honestly not intentional, sorry. I forget that a lot of what we do is connected to that, it's just normal for us.

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That’s fair @ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine and I’m not trying to be a dick about it

I’m glad it does feel normal to you, that’s good in terms of how you manage it

Maybe you could quietly wake your DD and get her to help make some breakfast for them all? Gives her kudos points with her mates maybe?

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:38

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 07/04/2024 09:37

OP, you're drip feeding.
Had you mentioned autism in the initial post you would have got different replies. Of course you know it makes a difference.

Edited

Honestly not intentional, sorry. I forget that a lot of what we do is connected to that, it's just normal for us.

OP posts:

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 07/04/2024 09:37

OP, you're drip feeding.
Had you mentioned autism in the initial post you would have got different replies. Of course you know it makes a difference.

Willmafrockfit · 07/04/2024 09:37

does she wake herself up op?

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:35

JacquesHarlow · 07/04/2024 09:32

Good lord - of course, now that I’ve read that your daughter is autistic, I feel stupid now for asking “why do they need to be woken up”…

aargh, why do OPs do this on Mumsnet? Surely that not so insignificant context changes the tone and content of everyone’s replies?

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Because it genuinely hadn't occurred to me as relevant. Sorry. I don't have experience of a 13 year old who doesn't need the routine so I hasn't realised I could be so relaxed about it.

OP posts:

Loveandserenity · 07/04/2024 09:34

Please do not wake them. They are 13, it's in their make up to sleep in. They have had a sleepover.

Original poster

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:33

So all the replies have been very helpful, thanks. My daughter has autism, and really bad anxiety at the moment, so the routine is still important. She's my eldest so I don't really know what would be the right thing for a neurological teen. I'll leave them to it. Thanks everyone!

OP posts:

Candleabra · 07/04/2024 09:33

Leave them - late nights/late mornings are standard for teenage sleepovers.

JacquesHarlow · 07/04/2024 09:32

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/04/2024 09:31

Mine is autistic and if we lose the routine she'll be hysterical come bedtime. But she doesn't socialise much so friends for a sleepover is a big deal and I want her to make the most of it so was thinking we'd just risk the hysteria on this occasion.

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Good lord - of course, now that I’ve read that your daughter is autistic, I feel stupid now for asking “why do they need to be woken up”…

aargh, why do OPs do this on Mumsnet? Surely that not so insignificant context changes the tone and content of everyone’s replies?

Popetthetreehugger · 07/04/2024 09:31

Routine 🤣let them be !