Stuck between parents and DH

He's looking for a way to walk away, using your parents as the reason/excuse.

Tell him to stop playing games and put his cards on the table.

Oh, and please don't beg him to stay, he's not worth it.

We need real examples of your parents behaviour - I have at times not been able to tolerate my in laws. They are not bad people but they have at times pushed my buttons

Never have they caused me to reevaluate my relationship so it does feel there's a lot more to this story

Not a nice place to feel in the middle OP so I do feel for you!

I don't like my husband's parents so I don't see them, like he says life's too short.
I found them overbearing, dh supported that decision and we went no contact, I didn't expect him to stop seeing them but he decided he would stand by me.
I think there's a lot of woman who can't stand their in-laws and going no contact is quite common but I've never seen it the other way round, usually men don't feel comfortable speaking up but he has and you should listen.

Following, as I’m in a slightly similar situation, although he hasn’t claimed they’re ruining his life. I strongly believe there’s nothing awful about my parents, but they do sometimes say whatever pops into their heads without thinking about it. E.g. my Mum once sat in our lounge and said “your windows are dirty” but in a kind of jokey way because everything is a bit bantery in our family. I didn’t care at all, but I think it’s a kind of class-related culture clash? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are they racist? Sexist? Condescending? Or you confusing love as their daughter to what they are really like?

My ex claimed he was in the middle between ‘there have always been issues between my parents and my wife and I don’t know why and I’m hurt as I’m in the middle’ statement to counsellor / asked for my thoughts I explained that they had called me ‘a fucking gold digger bitch ‘ overheard on the phone to my then boyfriend referring to me - also called a slut etc and then laughed at because I was a Christian and went to church (his parents were a different religion) called a bitch in front of our children and then also had to put up with him physically fighting with his parents - he explained to the counsellor that this was ‘normal’ in his family and hot air and how they resolved it. So I would ask him why and to explain and reflect on what they are really like and if are amazing to you or you and him

I have tried my very best with dh’s parents but they have been absolutely awful to me and our children and they’re not particularly nice to dh either so I finally gave up trying to have a decent relationship a couple of years ago.

I leave any contact to dh now and see them at wider family events only. Dh is totally supportive of me doing so and has always had my back when it came to issues. I would never consider leaving him over it unless he didn’t have my back and stand up for us and our children.

If your parents haven’t actually ever done anything to him I can’t understand his stance. He must feel this strongly for some reason surely? Otherwise you could just see your parents alone and he can stay out of it.

he basically said "he needs to seriously re-evalaute our relationship" so I said what because of them and he said "totally" - they are ruining his life.
What exactly have they done to him? If the answer is nothing then please be very aware that abusive men try and isolate their partners from family and friends as one way to control and manipulate.

more info needed

OP that's crazy- most people struggle with their in laws a little. Most people make an effort and accept that life isnt all rainbows and butterflies. This is a very extreme reaction - do you think they might have said something untoward?

How often are you expecting them to spend time together? Can you spend more time with them without him? I would do this for a bit until it settles down- don't let him cut them off from you.

Can you ask him for specific examples of what they are doing that is so difficult to deal with?

could you be more clear about what he sees as intolerable behavior or intolerable treaty? Because he is expressing a really high level of dislike and distress. Even if you think he is “wrong” to let it affect him it does affect him negatively snd ultimately he probably can’t change his reactions so may need to rnd the marriage.

There’s no examples of what he has to “tolerate”, so hard to give an opinion. Sounds as though he’d like you to choose though and he’d like to distance you from them. If you get on with your parents and love them then I’d be wary of him and maybe consider ending the relationship if he can’t compromise.

You find his family formal, he finds yours cold and rude? What is actually going on?

How on earth are your parents ruining his life????

Do they not like him because they can see he is trying to isolate you from them??

There has to be more context to this. Your post avoids even hinting they do anything wrong besides saying they clearly dislike him. Whereas if we’re to take what he’s saying as correct then they’re so bad as to have split up your siblings marriages. That’s pretty extreme.
So what’s the middle bit? Do you just not see how they act as damaging, or are they totally innocent in all this and your DH just refuses for no reason to be near them?

What do you tolerate that he doesn’t want to? I mean, he could be an arsehole, but you could be a walkover.

You really haven’t given any information that would enable any of us to form an opinion.

What does he need to be tolerant of?

You don't give any examples so it's hard to judge.

If they are abusive then you are being unreasonable.

If they hurt your kids then you are being I reasonable,

If they don't always make his favourite food he is being unreasonable.

Can he give examples of what he believes they have done that he finds so objectionable?

What does he/they do that is so hated by the other party?