To not do anything for unwell husband

If you have children he’s being incredibly selfish not looking after himself for their sake. If he has something treatable that turns nasty because he didn’t act in time then he’s being a shit dad. I would push that angle.

Can you get him in the car and just drive him there? I'd be telling him I was really worried and he needed to go for the chest X-ray just to put my mind at ease if he didn't want to go for himself. My FiL was referred for the same and they did a chest drain for him.

My Nanna had a lingering cough (turned out to be a chest infection). Despite repeated appeals from multiple family members to go and get it checked out and get some antibiotics, she refused. Was of the generation that didn’t like doctors and believed that if you went into hospital you weren’t making it back out again. She insisted it wasn’t serious enough to “bother the doctor with”, that “it would sort itself out with some lemsip” and it was after all “just a cold/cough” and nothing to worry about.

She ended up with sepsis that led to in complete organ failure and she died. This was 16 years ago, but I still vividly remember being in the little relatives room in Whiston Hospital with my parents, brothers, Uncle, Aunt and cousins and the doctor explaining that there was nothing they could do other than make her comfortable - the infection had been raging unchecked for too long and had devastated her body. She died later that day.

I operate a tough love household with my DH, so he doesn’t really get “looked after” when he’s down with the man flu. However, if he was as ill as you’ve described and had been told to go to hospital, I wouldn’t be giving him a choice. He’d be physically bundled in the car and driven there. It would also be clearly explained to him that a refusal to get proper treatment would, in my book, be a clear demonstration of a totally selfish lack of consideration and love for me and his family and I would not be prepared to stay married to such a selfish, inconsiderate arsehole, who is unwilling to put in the basic effort to manage his own health and keep himself alive!

Do you have a pulseoximeter? You really do need to get him to AE . show him this thread . I will give you my story
Colleague worked a shift with me until 8pm ,I had already tried to send her home because she was so chesty despite antibiotics course , she was taking .
Colleague due on duty the next morning. She didn’t arrive .Tragically she collapsed overnight,ambulance called by her husband,she was puffed up like a Michelin man and died that night of sepsis . Absolutely shocking and so sad .

Another one whose husband nearly died due to not seeking medical help when very ill. I eventually booked a GP appointment for him and the GP sent him straight to A&E. He was seen very fast. It was pneumonia, he was very ill and was in hospital about a week. I felt guilty for not pushing him to see a doctor sooner and for not checking his temperature.

My partner thought I should go to hospital (not lungs) several years ago. I insisted I was fine and it would get better soon. Result - sepsis, near death, and 5 days in ICU and months of recovery. I will never be so stupid again. You can tell him this one too.

This is no joke and he will just die in his bed potentially. He has breathing issues, it could be cancer, or some bad infection.
Once he can't breath at all it could be too late, can you tell him it's not fair on you for him to not care about his health? I hope he doesn't smoke or vape?

He is risking his life due to stubbornness and that is really shitty.

So what if he has to wait a few hours? Isn't that worth his life?

my dad is the same just have to grit teeth and leave him to it sometimes.

He has a terrible chest infection so is there any chance he is delirious? Because this does not necessarily present as hallucinations, shouting and everything that people expect ( florid delirium). The person can become very withdrawn, while still experiencing awful fear and distress- and obviously, not cognitively normal. The fact that he can’t remember what the GP said is a bit worrying. Can you call 111 and give them the story, have them speak to him

When mine was poorly and wouldn't do a thing I just said you're a father and husband with responsibilities and you are being selfish by not being checked out. If that didn't work with yours I would be asking him where his will etc are just in case. You'll know if he's genuinely scared of being mortally ill but tbh if he does think he might be he is being even more selfish by not doing anything.

I would tell him one more time that he has to go in, ime Sunday morning isn't too awful at hospital, and then after that I'd leave the room every time he coughed, complained etc. but I would try once more to be persuasive as I'm assuming you don't want him dead.

Good luck.

If going for an x ray requested by Gp it can be booked for a set time. Mine has been,

Mumsnet bingo!!

If a GP advised it, then its appropriate

I was referred to hospital for an X-ray by GP. I called, was given an appt later that day. Went, had it done and got the result straight away. He’s possibly got the wrong end of the stick. I didn’t go near A&E!

I currently have pneumonia (started with chest infection) and have truly never felt so ropey. Luckily my oxygen was just about high enough that I didn't get sent to hospital. I'm on strong antibiotics and starting to improve. Please get him seen before the infection spreads/turns septic! He doesn't want to mess with this.

Please, please, please try and persuade your DH to go to hospital - there are enough of us here who have told about the awful outcomes of partners/men who haven't
I'd do anything to have my baby brother back again, so we could argue about Leeds United vs Arsenal.

Sounds like pneumonia. I hope you manage to persuade him.

I don't mean to sound alarmist, but I know a man who was very unwell but reluctant to do anything about it. A cold turned into sepsis and he nearly died. He was in hospital for 6 months and had multiple limbs amputated.

A person, especially when a parent, has a responsibility to look after their health for the sake of their loved ones. If your DH has been told to go to hospital and AB's are not helping, I'd literally drag him out of the house.

It’s in ‘sickness and in health’, not ‘in stubbornness and stupidity’.

Stop making women responsible for men.

What happened to ' in sickness and in health?'

You are being unkind. You need to try and get him to the hospital by any means.

Op ring 111 they will speak to your hubby and tell him what to do. Or go to a and e if gp said he needs to go then that's a sign he needs urgent attention especially as he has not improved .

What you just wrote is silly. If you are breathless and getting worse instead of getting hospital is the place for you. The gp cannot not fix breathless symptoms, this man could have respiratory failure which is serious which may be why gp told him to go.

If the GP says go he needs to go. Chances are she wanted him assessed and bloods etc to organise correct treatment. We have a same day assessment unit that does this but a& e can too. Make.him go and point out of he deteriorated he will be in for much longer with a.much rougher ride. Does he want to be in 10 plus days or just a day vist with a bit of waiting?

OP - he has to go. My dad was literally just in hospital with a horrific lung infection & he's very very VERY lucky he didn't end up with sepsis - it was close. He only went cos my mum essentially forced him, else he'd likely have stayed home & would probably just died on the sofa. I shit you not.

Has DH got a temp? Do you have an oximeter?

Gah, eitherway, get the kids to someone & put your foot down. He has a responsibility to his children & to you.

You can’t help people who refuse to help themselves.

OP is nearly on her knees too, where’s the sympathy for her?