To not do anything for unwell husband

I hope you and DH are ok OP

I hope he's ok op? (And that you are!)

And why should she? He's a grown arse adult with a family - he should be taking the advice of his GP.

How can she force him to go when he says he’s not going?

Make the appointment, arrange the childcare and go with him to hospital / GP. Go into the appointment and make notes. Take him to the next appointment. Repeat until better.

He isn't any good at being ill. Step up.

I cannot believe the number of imbeciles saying this isn't an accident or emergency. It could very well be an emergency, it could possibly be pneumonia.

Morning OP! How are you and DH getting on? Is he seeing sense yet?

This is a very important point, and true.

What a stupid fucking fool he is. Why is he happy to waste weeks at home in bed, feeling shit and moaning, but won’t go to the hospital for an arranged referral to get a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia/other conditions?

Quick q, does he smoke?

Presumably he's aware that he's damaging his lungs by not dealing with his illness and that the damage could be permanent? Lung disease is debilitating and can be life limiting.

If the doctor referred him for chest x-ray, that's a really quick process. You can even check beforehand to see when their peak times are and just go when it is quieter. It is literally a turn up, gown on, x-ray, gown off and home process. It is unlikely you would need to wait for the results.

How can you get an adult to the hospital who is refusing to go to the hospital?

This must be so frustrating for you and you must be worn out looking after him as well as the children.

Is there anyone else who could try to talk sense into him - eg his mum or sister?

I’m an ICU dr. I wish those poster who are confident ED isn’t appropriate could fill me in on what part of their assessment makes them so confident.

The only time wasted here has been the time he’s spent not taking the GP’s advice. Could have been sorted and home by now.

It could be pneumonia, mine went undiagnosed for 3 weeks because the original GP I seen in the first few days of my illness did a chest x-ray the clinic didn’t bother to look at results until I called up and asked! I’d been given Antibiotics for chest infection in the meantime, and had been off work mostly as I could barely walk, but following the pneumonia diagnosis I got stronger ABs for pneumonia and eventually got the vaccination for pneumonia 2 months later as it kept coming back . I’ve heard cases of pneumonia turning into sepsis. It’s no joke at all. He should really take this seriously.

I’m scared of hospitals/illness myself but this is ridiculous. He’s a grown man with responsibilities and you’ve even offered to sit with him in a&e. I was 27 and having to sit in a&e by myself for hours during the 3 weeks when my illness went undiagnosed.

He sounds really ill. Refusing to do anything for him is cruel. Very sick people do irrational things or maybe he's afraid of finding out what's wrong. Your common sense is needed here. Get him to the hospitalas soon as.

Is he actually scared of finding out what it is? He could have pneumonia. Tell him he’ll end up needing an ambulance if he doesn’t get a grip and sort it. Would he have gone if the GP was a man do you think?

My 15 year old DD was referred into A&E for suspected pneumonia as she hadn't responded to antibiotics and had had crackles in lungs for 4-5 days by then. We went straight through and into a bed - she had x-ray etc and through tests they found out she had an atypical strain that needed a combo of three ABs.

Honestly he needs to go in - pneumonia is an emergency. Everyone who is saying he doesn't need to go to A&E needs to pipe down. Hope he listens OP, my daughter's breathing took a sudden turn for the worse luckily when we were already in the hospital. If we hadn't been there I'd have needed to call and wait for an ambulance. Not being able to breathe with pneumonia feels like drowning. Just tell him for you and the kids he must go.

I had pneumonia a few years ago. I genuinely didn’t know how ill I was and delayed going to the doctor for quite a while. Finally when my DH insisted, I saw the doctor who did a chest X-ray and then sent me directly to the hospital. It was the first time I’ve ever seen fear in a doctor’s eyes! I’m not in the UK and fortunately didn’t have to wait to be admitted. I was very ill but recovered relatively quickly after a week or so of I.V. antibiotics.

Your DH may not be thinking clearly if he also has pneumonia. I understand his hesitation especially if he has to wait for hours in A & E. But please tell him once again that he absolutely must heed the doctor’s advice. I wouldn’t hesitate to put the frighteners on. Ask him if he wants to see his children grow up.

Sending hopeful thoughts and positive vibes to you.

I have a BIL like this. The truth is he has a phobia of hospitals. On a different note, DF had to go to A&E yesterday, she was in, X-rayed and out in 3hrs.

I'd echo the above poster re asking are his affairs in order etc. Then double check his preference re cremation vs burial etc, no point being unprepared with so much time to plan at this stage.

In that case there's quite a lot to be said for going on strike. You've made it relatively easy and comfortable for him to stay at home. Maybe if it becomes a faff being at home (because he isn't being waited on and is expected to pull his weight) going to hospital will look more attractive.

He might have to wait a bit for his chest x-ray but as he has been referred by his GP waiting time shouldn't be as long as just rocking up to A & E. He is obviously not getting better at the moment, the GP wouldn't have suggested the x-ray just for fun, and it's unfair on you and your DC that he's not doing everything possible to improve his health. I'm not sure that you withdrawing your help will get through to him though.

My oh was like this and when I frogmarched/dragged him to hospital he had pneumonia and pleuracy. He was too ill to make good decisions.
It will only go on longer if he doesn't go to hospital and be harder to treat.

It might not be an accident or emergency but even when gp tells you you need togo hospital you have togo A&E maybe with a letter from gp but doesn't get you seen quicker!!!

I too would say the life insurance, passwords check. I’d say I’ve accepted he’s a stubborn idiot and will die in bed, now I’m trying to work on things I can influence. So I’ve drafted your obituary. ‘Leaves 2 dc who were devastated at their fathers sudden death then as they got older and realised what an absolute twat he was refusing to follow the doctors advice, they became furious. They realised he never loved them enough to stay healthy and alive for them, he preferred staying in bed moaning. They wished their mum had done what she was muttering about which was push him out the front door and lock it and think maybe a passersby would call an ambulance eventually, selfish jerk.’ Anything you want to add to that dear?