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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say what instead of pardon?

181 replies

toomanycoffeess · 06/04/2024 19:19

Or is that rude?

OP posts:
Cheepcheepcheep · 06/04/2024 19:58

Yes to pardon being different to sorry. It’s like ‘excuse moi’ to ‘pardon?’ in France.

My mum is a MC wannabe. She she says pardon and lavatory and cemetery. I say sorry and toilet and graveyard.

Supersimkin2 · 06/04/2024 19:57

Your reaction defines the social class of both you and the speaker.

What = ewww, how ill-bred and churlish. You are working class being addressed by a toff or umc dweller trying to be polite.

Pardon = ewww, how fey. Naice ham, anyone? Snigger. You are mc being addressed by someone at the other end of your class trying to be polite.

ap1999 · 06/04/2024 19:57

It's simple .. what ?

Merryoldgoat · 06/04/2024 19:56

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:41

Your rules as you say but do you not think a bit of subjectivity might be useful here?

Saying “what?” Isn’t rude or offensive, it’s just something your family doesn’t do. A lot of families would consider “pardon” worse.

I would be mildly ticked off if a teacher corrected my child for saying something I don’t consider rude and asking them to substitute something I don’t like in it’s place. Wouldn’t die in a ditch over it but surely you realise people have different opinions on this. It’s clsss mores as opposed to something which could cause widespread offence.

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Agree. The number of teachers who tried to make me say ‘haitch’ rather than ‘aitch’ even though I said my family say ‘aitch’ and I wasn’t changing.

Angeliquesleep · 06/04/2024 19:56

I was taught to never say pardon (or toilet, as up thread). I use both to deliberately wind up my grandma, upon occasion...

I use what or sorry on the whole, never pardon and correct my DC if they do.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:55

INeedToClingToSomething · 06/04/2024 19:49

"What?" is definitely rude whatever people are trying to tell themselves and others. But people are more commonly rude these days and don't care. My background is very working class, probably considered MC now. Saying "what?" Would have got you in lots of trouble at school and home when I was young and I would definitely have corrected my DC on it.

Sorry but this is subjective, there’s no “what people are telling themselves”.

My mum used to tell me never to say “pardon”. It was forbidden in our house.

Theres no universal standard for this: it’s largely class.

I’m not saying our family’s way was right and yours was wrong but you can’t just insist that your rules apply to everyone.

Bushmillsbabe · 06/04/2024 19:54

'Sorry, what did you say' is fine. Just 'what' is really rude in my opinion, I wouldn't even say that to my husband unless I was annoyed with him already!

I don't generally use pardon either though, although was brought up to use it by my very 'working class' mum

GucciBear · 06/04/2024 19:54

I always say "What", never "Pardon" Would not think of saying "Excuse Me" Sounds like an apology. "What" said clearly and in a normal tone of voice covers all.

smooththecat · 06/04/2024 19:54

You can’t say pardon, it means something different, it means you’re excusing yourself

Alwaysalwayscold · 06/04/2024 19:53

I use neither. I usually say "sorry?"

Soowoo · 06/04/2024 19:52

I was taught that saying “Pardon” was common, but it was impossible to prevent my children from saying it because the carers at nursery insisted on it, quite forcefully, every single time. Ditto with the use of the word toilet instead of lavatory or loo. In the end I don’t suppose it matters really.

INeedToClingToSomething · 06/04/2024 19:49

"What?" is definitely rude whatever people are trying to tell themselves and others. But people are more commonly rude these days and don't care. My background is very working class, probably considered MC now. Saying "what?" Would have got you in lots of trouble at school and home when I was young and I would definitely have corrected my DC on it.

OkPedro · 06/04/2024 19:45

I'm Irish.. pardon would be taken as you have notions about yourself 😆 What?is probably a bit rude.. "excuse me" is what I say to my children..
My Mam was middle class, born in the late 1940's She said pardon and that "what?'" was extremely rude 🤷🏻‍♀️ she was a very down to earth person though. See also Loo she never used the word toilet I've never used the word loo

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:41

BCBird · 06/04/2024 19:33

Working class. Always say pardon. If any pupils say what, I give them 'the look' and it soon becomes pardon😆

Your rules as you say but do you not think a bit of subjectivity might be useful here?

Saying “what?” Isn’t rude or offensive, it’s just something your family doesn’t do. A lot of families would consider “pardon” worse.

I would be mildly ticked off if a teacher corrected my child for saying something I don’t consider rude and asking them to substitute something I don’t like in it’s place. Wouldn’t die in a ditch over it but surely you realise people have different opinions on this. It’s clsss mores as opposed to something which could cause widespread offence.

Cavalierchaos · 06/04/2024 19:38

'What' is really rude! I say pardon or what was that,sorry? Or even just 'sorry?' with a puzzled look.

Spendonsend · 06/04/2024 19:35

I hate pardon.
What is much better

BCBird · 06/04/2024 19:33

My classroom my rules😆

BCBird · 06/04/2024 19:33

Working class. Always say pardon. If any pupils say what, I give them 'the look' and it soon becomes pardon😆

Londonrach1 · 06/04/2024 19:32

Yes but life if full of rude people now...

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:31

@Revelatio

It’s untrue that UC say ‘what’ and WC say ‘pardon’ these days.

I’m pretty sure upper middle and upper class people wouldn’t say “pardon”. It was hammered into me as a child never to say it.

Merryoldgoat · 06/04/2024 19:30

Chocolatecoveredshitpig · 06/04/2024 19:26

'What?' is upper class.
'Pardon?' is middle class and makes the upper classes wince, along with 'toilet'.

Source - Jilly Cooper

This.

I’m not upper class in the slightest but I was taught ‘what’ is correct and ‘pardon’ along with ‘ever so’ are never to be uttered.

Revelatio · 06/04/2024 19:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:29

I do think “pardon” sounds incredibly passive aggressive.

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I agree!

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/04/2024 19:29

I usually say “what?” Or “sorry?”. Don’t find what to be rude at all.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/04/2024 19:29

Revelatio · 06/04/2024 19:28

It depends how you say it! ‘You what?’ said in an aggressive way is rude, so can ‘Pardon’ be. If you didn’t hear them, say ‘can you repeat that please?’

It’s untrue that UC say ‘what’ and WC say ‘pardon’ these days.

Just be polite in your tone and either will sound better.

I do think “pardon” sounds incredibly passive aggressive.

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