AIBU to expect my father to attend my son's wedding

WTF???

Because he doesn't like weddings?

Autistic does not equal twat. Autism isn't a personality type, and many autistic people manage to have healthy, loving relationships with their families.

I think you just have to accept that that's the way he is.

But stop accepting his money! Especially when you know he's controlling you with it.

He sounds autistic to me.

My parents are a bit like this. Eventually, I stopped contacting them, but before that I found the only way to cope with their indifference was to accept that they just don't have what I want from them. They should (and to be fair, what I wanted was pitifully little), but they don't, and they can't give me what they do not have.

For most people, things that matter to their children also matter to them. But for some people, they just don't connect like that. It's a crying shame, but only your father is really missing out.

Leave him alone.

He doesn't want to come.

It must be exhausting for him to have to keep saying NO.

Too bad he won't be there but let it go and stop talking about it to him.

Carry on your dad/child/grandchild relationships as normal. Leave him to do what makes him comfortable.

You already made your statement about the importance of his attendance. He has made clear time and time again that you and your family are going to be in his life only on his terms.

going no contact is a big deal. People declare it as an option far too lightly. The act itself will create massive emotional upheaval for you and can cause implications for the wider family. The easier option is to fade back. Accept that your father has pulled away. Send him the occasional update and a Christmas card, but try not to be too emotionally invested.

If he has mobility issues it could be the travelling? Sometimes it is honestly hellish.

He doesn't sound great though. Not talking to you for six years is horrible. Don't let him make you miserable.

I understand thus must be really sad for you. Especially being the only parent. Out of interest do you know why your mum left? Does it have any bearing on how your dad treats you?

I don't think you should force anyone to attend anything they don't want to. Do you know why he won't come?

Accept that he is a flawed, selfish and non-empathetic person who only deals with the universe as it suits him. Nevertheless you love him and he loves you. You don't need to walk away and have no relationship with him but neither can you change him. That doesn't mean you have to prioritise him as he prioritises himself - it's ok to say "no" to things he is offering to pay for if it doesn't suit you. You don't owe him obedience and you don't have to let him be in control of anyone other than himself. He can choose not to come to the wedding, that's his perogative. You don't have to let his behaviour upset you because the upset is due to broken expectations and shattered hopes so adjust your expectations and hopes - he's not going to get a personality change now.

Leave him to it, it’s his loss

Weddings may well not be important to him but they are important to your son so it’s time for your DF to show up for him. He’s being selfish.

Quite frankly he sounds a bit awful and selfish OP - why would you want a relationship with him?

In which case he could have explained this. He might not like travelling very often, after all given how badly some airports are managed I would not blame him.

He may find them very stressful for valid reasons. I would take him as you find him as you cannot change him.

Sounds like there is nothing you can do to change his mind. Send him a letter telling him how you feel? Unless you think this will result in years of a cold shoulder - which makes him sound like a rubbish dad TBH