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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your biggest problem in life is at the moment?

765 replies

Biggybigbiggles · 06/04/2024 17:04

Just that really... mine is that I feel frumpy and ugly. Having always been tiny, I've gotten to 30 and I suddenly just feel disgusted with what I see any time someone takes a photo of me.

If you could click your fingers and remove a problem you have, what would it be?

OP posts:
NotTram · 07/04/2024 13:06

Not liking work but too old to change and too poor to stop.

VampireWeekday · 07/04/2024 13:06

Being in an unhappy relationship. We've been together all my adult life and have DC, it isn't bad enough to break a family up over, but the constant low level sadness, feeling unloved and that sense of all the opportunities I'm missing out on really dominates my life. It's always there in the background, even if I'm having a good time.

thepastinsidethepresent · 07/04/2024 13:02

Crippling anxiety which seems to get worse instead of better as I get older. And being sole carer for my mum who has Alzheimer's and lives with us.

The two are not unconnected. wry smile

MrsSlocombesCat · 07/04/2024 13:02

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/04/2024 07:40

My daughter has developed an eating disorder, made worse by her medical condition and she ate 1200 calories total in the 2 weeks after a recent trip to A&E when her medical condition was triggered and she felt extremely unsafe. Some days she didn’t eat at all and drank only s few ml of water.

This is a trauma response. She’s lost so much weight. Idk what to do because it is pretty much guaranteed her medical condition will be triggered again if we go to hospital and the eating disorder clinic. She has GCSEs in a month and I’m desperately trying to keep her eating for these and see what we can do after that. If she goes to the clinic, it’s probably game over for her exams. If she doesn’t, there’s a chance she will be able to sit them…

Her friends have been stellar at getting her to eat but she won’t do it for me. She’s so angry at her medical condition but has projected her anger onto me, punishing me by not eating or eating very little. Yesterday she ate twice, very small amounts.

Apart from that I have chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and chronic pain. I’m disabled and haven’t had much of a life at all for over 10 years. All of this is making my life far more difficult. My dh is absolutely useless in all of this and he actually makes things worse. The arguments between us are ridiculous and caused by his inability to be flexible and help. He shouts at me when I am asking him to put up boundaries with her and her eating because he doesn’t want his life disrupted to deal with it or he goes ballistic at her and me. He’s clearly on the spectrum, undiagnosed and dd has some traits. The advice from the books and BEATS (ED charity) don’t work with her at all.

GSCE’s aren’t the biggest issue here. Her health is. She shouldn’t have the pressure of studying if she’s this mentally unwell. My son has ASD and is very intelligent but studying for GCSE’s and then going to college drove him to a breakdown and he told me if he wasn’t such a coward he would kill himself. I wish I could go back in time and homeschool him instead of worrying about exams.

App13 · 07/04/2024 12:57

@Serene135 shes precisely 2.5 years yesterday, and as well as not talking, though she makes some sounds not necessarily aligned with speech, she has no gestures apart from hi5, stims and doesnt really play with toys like others. though she knows her name and has reasonable eye contact.

I thank you for your kind words and acknowledgement. I try to see the upside of life but peaks and troughs certainly!

IsawwhatIsaw · 07/04/2024 12:54

Mother has Alzheimer’s, early stages. Not much family support, can be very stressful trying to bid my best for her.

MrsSlocombesCat · 07/04/2024 12:54

bows101 · 06/04/2024 22:59

My DP and the pressure arising circumcision for our DS. I am terrified for him and don't know what to do. I can't really see any way around it, even if I do leave him, which I would if it guaranteed it wouldn't be happening. It's meant to be a milestone in certain cultures, but it makes me feel ill as I know my son will be scared and not trust me 😭

Have you looked into parental consent? I’m pretty sure the hospital wouldn’t do it if they knew you didn’t want him to have it. In your shoes I would leave him. I couldn’t live with someone who thinks mutilation is acceptable for religion, assuming that’s the reason.

Original poster
Biggybigbiggles · 07/04/2024 12:52

I had no idea the response this thread would get. Sending massive hugs and good wishes to everyone.

My fat and frumpy feelings seem really stupid now, but I feel like I'm not myself any more. I also suspect / know I'm not actually fat and am suffering with some kind of undiagnosed eating disorder /body dysmorphia type thing.

I am also sad that I spent all of my 20s feeling completely shit at my job. Having recently been made redundant, which is fucking exhausting and soul destroying, I realised - from the support I received - that I was damn good and I WASTED SO MUCH TIME not believing in myself. I hope that can be a lesson to some people too.

OP posts:
winterwarmer8274 · 07/04/2024 12:51

I’m constantly sad that I don’t have a partner to share my life with and find myself getting increasingly lonely :(

Anonymouslyposting · 07/04/2024 12:45

To get back the closeness I had with my husband pre kids.

volvoxc40 · 07/04/2024 12:39

My issue is that I don't have a time machine.

Wemetatascoutcamp · 07/04/2024 12:30

My 8 wk old DC has been diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome so would do anything to click my fingers and give him the bit of chromosome he’s missing.

38thparallel · 07/04/2024 12:23

@Notthatcatagain 00:13
I'm a cancer survivor and while I'm so grateful to have beaten it, the treatment has wrecked my body. My bowels and bladder don't work now, have spent almost 6 hours on the toilet this evening which has done my arthritis no good at all. i've crapped myself 4 times so far, just because I can't move fast enough.

Have you had bile retention checked? I had bowel cancer and a third of my bowel removed and my life was as you describe. I could never relax on holiday or enjoy myself unless there was a loo near.
I asked the stomach specialist time and time again if there was anything he could do and he just said ‘take more immodium & codeine’ which didn’t work.
A friend told me that he’d had a bile retention problem which was successfully treated with cholestagel pills so I asked the doctor who organised some tests and sure enough bile retention was the problem.
I’m now prescribed cholestagel, the problem has gone away and I’ve got my life back.

MrsKeats · 07/04/2024 12:02

My 85 year old mum had a small stroke last week which she's recovering from but I'm worried about her living alone.
My sister is waiting on biopsy results.
My new son in law has some health issues too.
My teaching job is stressful and I have a few years to go till retirement.
Money not an issue thank god.

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 07/04/2024 11:52

Trying to equally divide my attention to a newborn and 4 year old.

Also trying to make time for my DP but I'm extremely short fused and really snappy due to sleep deprivation. I don't t really like who I am at the moment.

On the whole though I can recognise how privileged I am, we're doing pretty good financially and have a great support system.

ABwithAnItch · 07/04/2024 11:48

Hana89 · 07/04/2024 10:27

I would snap my fingers and have my wonderful 15 month old DD start sleeping through the night at last! We're all so tried and I think I'd feel so much more like my old self if I could sleep properly again.

Oh lord I feel for you. Mine didn’t sleep through for years. Broke me.

Dumbitdown · 07/04/2024 11:46

My biggest problem at the moment is isolation. I have a job and a roof. My health is good and would be better if I wasn't so sedentary.

Infertility pretty much broke me and I lost everything else. Hobbies and social life went first, slowly fading with each failed treatment. When my ex decided to place his bets elsewhere, I lost my mind for a while and with it went my business, my friends, my interest in the world and desire to experience all of it.

I'm only 40 but I feel like I've disappeared. One of those dead-end aunts on the family tree who the next generations mark with a curled line over a dot.

?

I'm trying to dig myself out but when I'm not working, all I feel is tired.

EarthSight · 07/04/2024 11:43

Linedbook · 06/04/2024 17:24

DH died nearly three years ago, which I'm coping with OKish, but our younger son is not, and I feel completely lost trying to help him.

I'm sorry for your loss :(

Dancemum83 · 07/04/2024 11:40

Son with a severe ocd diagnosis and been on the waiting list for AGES for asd/add assessment. Waiting list for the Maudsley ocd outreach too.
Just fed up of years of waiting for help for my child when if it was a physical illness he would have been seen years ago.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 07/04/2024 11:37

Money - lack of and a lot of debt.

Weight - I’m not happy with it but have crap will power when it comes to healthy eating! 🤦‍♀️

ByTheSea · 07/04/2024 11:36

I'm sick of being sick. Doing my best to live as normal a life as possible with my various chronic illnesses including stage 4 breast cancer, but sick of appointments, tests, treatments, symptoms and side effects and most of all, just feeling really rubbish too much of the time.

LadyGooGaa · 07/04/2024 11:33

RedMark · 07/04/2024 08:39

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry you have to live like that. As another UK national married to a German living in his country, I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if DH refused to come back with me in an extreme case of war / feeling unsafe.

Show quote history

Thank you.

App13 · 07/04/2024 11:28

@kokos88 hi,I've had this issue multiple times, its 2 causes
A- expansion valve leaking water or something with boiler.

If you have a bank account that allows you for emergency heating electric cases they will look at it

B- leak is in the pipes somewhere.. in which case if you can spot dampness anywhere, your trace and access under your building insurance will cover it. But you need to show water damage is occurring somewhere which impacts the building and structure .

Please feel free to dm ive had to deal with 5 leaks in the past 3 yrs !

Itspancakedaysoon · 07/04/2024 11:28

I'm also frumpy and overweight, but that's topped by being a parent-carer to a two year old who can't even crawl yet and recently finding out I have cancer (treatable, awaiting an operation).

DriftingDora · 07/04/2024 11:24

Mumaway · 06/04/2024 17:28

Newly diagnosed breast cancer. It's coming off next week though! I also hate my hair, so am having a wild dye job before it all falls out....

Hope your hair looks sensational! Don't forget to take pics. of the 'new' you!

Sending all good wishes for your op. and any follow-up treatment. Hope you are spoilt by all around you while you are recovering, you deserve it. 🌷💐

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