Man in ladies’ loo

Try to remember you are a service human, Screaming. You are of no importance, and if a Man wants to take anything of yours, including your rights, you should hand them over without question. Or maybe join in the conversation politely while he and his child discuss your toilet experience….

I don’t understand why it’s so awful for a very small girl to go into the men’s toilets accompanied by her father. If it’s because people are worried from an actual
safeguarding point of view then surely there should be no children in there at all, but nobody ever suggests that.

yanbu

men shouldn’t be in the ladies loo…even if they are cleaning it there is usually a sign so women can make an informed decision

It used to be safe for man with young dd to ask a woman to help, but it's not any more. (I'm talking way back in the early 60s, it's what my dad did; mostly though, dad didn't take us all out alone, or rather he didn't take me out without mum for precisely this reason. He could, and did, take my brothers out because loo drills weren't a problem with no girls in the mix.)

I would rather have a man overseeing a young dd in the ladies' than have a young dd having to go into the smelly and quite possibly filthy cubicle in the men's.

The adult should take the child into the toilet that is the same as his or her sex.
ie An adult man with a child whether girl or boy should take the child into the gents, just as an adult femaile with a child, boy or girl would take the child into the ladies.
mens toilets should also have a cubilce.
Of I was a man (I'm not), with a girl, and taking them into the gents, I would shout out a warning beforehand, just as the cleaners do.

He ought to have gone in the men's with his daughter if his daughter needed an adult with her.

That's really fucking obvious and normal and has always been the case for kids up to about 8.

Anyone saying otherwise is implying it's not safe for a man to take his kid in the men's loos and if that's the case, where is the outrage? Where is the national campaign? How the hell can we encourage dads to look after their kids if the men's loos aren't safe?! Another hurdle to equality.

I can see a circumstance where this could have come about without misogynist entitlement - perhaps the men's were disgusting and there was no loo roll to clean the seat? - HOWEVER non-misogynist man would have apologised to you and explained the instant you came in.

Im not sure where I stand on this - it really wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d prefer a man bring his daughter in the ladies than take her into the mens. However I appreciate that a lot of women would be uncomfortable with this. I do wonder where you stand on men being on their own with their babies and the only baby change being in the ladies because this happens A LOT!

wtf? My DP takes his daughter to the men’s if he’s out with her and I’m not there. And the whole “is she wiping her bum?” stuff, what the hell? Just shut that convo straight down and say “let’s not talk about the lady, it’s rude to talk about people”. He sounds like a total weirdo.

This. I really don't understand why OP objected to him using the toilet while he was there. It's not as if it could conceivably have harmed her.

It's been the case for quite a long time that women go into the gents' when there are long queues for the Ladies. It started well before so called gender woo.

YABU

If the alternative had happened, bet you’d be on here complaining about seeing a man take a little girl into the male toilets. Grow up and quit attention seeking on Mumsnet.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I can’t imagine a gents with urinals (barf) would be an appropriate environment for a little girl.

Surely you take the child to the toilet that matches the sex of the accompanying adult?

If my son wanted a wee I would take him to the female toilet! There’s no way I would be stepping into the male toilets if my son needed a wee 😬

In many cases you need a radar key to use disabled toilets.
There should be unisex family toilets in the 21st Century in this rundown country.
I don't have a problem with this father taking his DD in the ladies. It's awful to have to take young kids in to some men's loos.

I’ve never been bothered about dad’s taking their children into the women’s loos.

I told the father of my daughter to make an announcement when he took her to the ladies, so the women in there would know he was there for his daughter, the alternative would have been taking her past busy urinals which I find far more horrifying. Obviously I wasn’t present at the time.

Same.

is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc.

Oh come on.

Just this week, whilst on holiday (in a European city) I went into the ladies loo in a park and encountered a man and a woman changing a baby's nappy.

I felt a bit uncomfortable and on edge as you just don't expect to see a man in a ladies loo, and also I wondered why it needed the two of them to change the nappy?

I vote YANBU, it's not on at all

She’d end up going in to the men’s when she’s in nappies, regardless. Unless he’s going to go into the women’s or disabled loo every time he needs the toilet? Hopefully not…

The disabled toilet isn’t the ideal option if it’s taking it away from someone who needs it, is it? The ideal option is a separate family cubicle, like the big shopping centre near me has. If there’s not one of those then small children go into whatever toilet matches the sex of the parent taking them.

Oh yes this! What about male cleaners? They're in the loos regularly - I'd rather have a male cleaner than no cleaner!

My daughter would also have done the commenting - I can easily see this being a conversation I'd have to have too. I don't think that has anything to do with him being a man, perhaps he is just showing his DD that there is nothing dirty or secret about using a loo (which can equate in a small child's head dirty / secret = bad) and ThT everyone uses them of all ages.

I wouldn't much mind, it wouldn't be nice for the girl to have to go into the men's. But I wouldn't appreciate the commentary or the attitude - ideally he would have poked his head round and announced he was wanted to come in with his daughter and/or waited outside until he was reasonably sure it was empty.

Fine to bring her in, really bloody weird to do a running commentary though!
Especially the bum wiping part, that's just... Eurgh. he could've said it to her without including you in it, why not make it about "mummy" instead???
I guess it depends a little bit on just how young the daughter was, but makes my skin crawl a tad regardless.

My husband would never take our daughter in the ladies - men should not be in there.

He should either take her into the men’s with him or into the disabled if they’re particularly gross.