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Original poster

Man in ladies’ loo

342 replies

Suburbanrunner · 06/04/2024 13:47

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

OP posts:
Ellysa · 07/04/2024 16:53

Screamingabdabz · 06/04/2024 13:53

The commenting on you is pure male arrogance and misogyny. You’re not a person with feelings, you’re just a teaching moment. What a prick and what a shame that that little girl is growing up without a male role model who will teach her about boundaries. Ugh I’m angry for you op.

This.

Overthebow · 07/04/2024 16:50

thepastinsidethepresent · 07/04/2024 14:50

The smell, mainly.

Personally I don't see how a man discreetly taking a small child into a cubicle in the ladies' is boundary-trampling.

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Well it is, because men shouldn’t be in there at all.

Overthebow · 07/04/2024 16:48

PuttingDownRoots · 07/04/2024 15:40

In all my years of parenting I've seen a dad in the womans toilets once... and the child was having a nosebleed. The dad had obviously been dispatched to buy a new tshirt as he entered, handed it to the mum and left again.

Somehow, all my male friends and relatives have managed to parent their daughters without using female toilets.

Yes, all of mine have too. Strange how everyone else manages!

RufustheFactualReindeer · 07/04/2024 15:42

Somehow, all my male friends and relatives have managed to parent their daughters without using female toilets

weird isn’t it

PuttingDownRoots · 07/04/2024 15:40

In all my years of parenting I've seen a dad in the womans toilets once... and the child was having a nosebleed. The dad had obviously been dispatched to buy a new tshirt as he entered, handed it to the mum and left again.

Somehow, all my male friends and relatives have managed to parent their daughters without using female toilets.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 07/04/2024 15:39

Some men do like a bit of al fresco 😀

GreyCarpet · 07/04/2024 15:31

RufustheFactualReindeer · 07/04/2024 15:28

greycaroet

absolutely

i had to stop MIL letting ds2 wee behind a tree at school when he was three as i was worried that once he actually started school that he would keep doing it!

he did it against a wall when he was in reception class once 🤦🏻‍♂️

😅 oh dear! 😅

But yes, my first thought on reading this was, "What did my exh used to do with our son?" But then I realised that it was always a tree.

I know a number of adult men who would probably prefer a tree off the beaten path to park toilets too if given half a chance!

RufustheFactualReindeer · 07/04/2024 15:28

greycaroet

absolutely

i had to stop MIL letting ds2 wee behind a tree at school when he was three as i was worried that once he actually started school that he would keep doing it!

he did it against a wall when he was in reception class once 🤦🏻‍♂️

GreyCarpet · 07/04/2024 15:23

Nowayhayday · 07/04/2024 15:20

So should a dad also talk a small boy into the women's toilets, since he would be as likely to dislike the smell and be shocked by all the men?

I used to take my son for a wee behind a tree tbh. That seems to be what most parents do with sons.

GreyCarpet · 07/04/2024 15:22

Park loos are disgusting generally.

I'd rather not have men in the ladies but I'd probably also rather a small child was taken into the ladies than the men's if I'm honest.

There's a huge difference between a dad taking his little girl for a wee and taking advantage of being in a locked cubicle to have one himself than a bloke (frock or no frock) in there on his own 🤷🏻‍♀️

He should have shut down her questions with a "toilets are private so we don't talk about other people" but I don't think it was necessary to say anything to him.

Although, in this instance, I don't think it happened either.

Nowayhayday · 07/04/2024 15:20

So should a dad also talk a small boy into the women's toilets, since he would be as likely to dislike the smell and be shocked by all the men?

RufustheFactualReindeer · 07/04/2024 15:16

Whenever i am on threads like this the thing that most confuses me (easy to do i know 😀 before anyone jumps in) is that you would honestly think that men throughout the decades have been in the ladies loo and that its been a perfectly normal thing to do

i can count on one hand the amount of men with or without children i have seen in the ladies loo….and at least two of those were individual cubicles!

Luddite26 · 07/04/2024 15:15

My brother used to say the worst thing he used to have to do was take his DD into the men's with him and when contact wasn't very regular he still feels it was an unpleasant experience for them both.

Luddite26 · 07/04/2024 15:12

I mistakenly walked into the men's loos in Tesco in Hull last week and I would not like to subject anybody to that it absolutely stank. The ladies was marginally better.

thepastinsidethepresent · 07/04/2024 14:50

makeanddo · 07/04/2024 14:07

Why @thepastinsidethepresent ? All the father needs to do is use a cubicle in the mens and if required shield the child's eyes.

I don't want men in my toilets and neither do many many women. The problem is that women's boundaries are being trampled over more and more.

The smell, mainly.

Personally I don't see how a man discreetly taking a small child into a cubicle in the ladies' is boundary-trampling.

EvenStillIWantTo · 07/04/2024 14:24

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 07/04/2024 09:42

I'm pretty sure the girl of unknown age was the one making comments

And he was telling HER he was going for a wee not telling the world

But we'll never know because OP won't return

They've done their bit by making an inflammatory post and left it all to burn

Exactly! All this 'perv was giving a running commentary about bums' is a huge leap from what the OP actually said.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2024 14:13

Happyinarcon · 06/04/2024 13:48

I find this difficult to believe

You must try harder.

makeanddo · 07/04/2024 14:07

Why @thepastinsidethepresent ? All the father needs to do is use a cubicle in the mens and if required shield the child's eyes.

I don't want men in my toilets and neither do many many women. The problem is that women's boundaries are being trampled over more and more.

Crystallizedring · 07/04/2024 12:30

Katjeopdemat · 07/04/2024 00:38

If he had waited until the child was ready to burst to take her, he could have asked OP if she minded if they went in first: there's always an alternative to discussing other people's bums with your kids.
Oh and funny how millions of women manage to not let their DCs piss themselves without needing to use the men's loos - even though women's facilities are usually busier. You must be doing something wrong.

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Yeah because taking my kids to the toilet when they need to go is so wrong. I think it may be you who is doing something wrong.

thepastinsidethepresent · 07/04/2024 12:13

makeanddo · 07/04/2024 10:00

It's the old expecting women to budge up and be kind. If everyone just used the toilet they were supposed to (by sex) it would be easy.

Man with child - uses the mens
Woman with child (boy up to 8 yrs) - womens
Parent with child with disabilities - disabled

If the mens toilets are deemed to be a problem then MEN need to sort this out. Don't make it my problem.

The man going into the womens was wrong - he should have take her into the mens and used his own toilet. I would also have said something.

I absolutely disagree that it's fair to subject a little girl to a men's public toilet.

BananaforScale · 07/04/2024 11:57

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 06/04/2024 22:55

Where I live, male cleaners wait outside asking the women that are leaving if they’re the last lady in the ladies. Then they put up a Closed sign, while they clean. And after that, the loo
gets used as it was.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a male cleaner in the ladies whilst I’m in there.

Show quote history

You don’t get out much then.

Clarabell77 · 07/04/2024 11:50

What are the chances of all of this actually happening?

We have a situation here that’s been whipped up no end in the media for political gains, and lo and behold, anything that could go wrong, did go wrong?

It just would not fit the narrative for OP to have posted “was using the public toilets today and a man brought his small daughter into a cubicle, it made absolutely no difference to my toileting experience whatsoever”, so every possible negative has been added to the story; some aggression, some father/daughter chat about the woman’s toilet habits and the man having the audacity not only to pee but to announce that he was going to do it.

Bullshit.

jeaux90 · 07/04/2024 11:42

BIossomtoes · 07/04/2024 08:27

So it’s OK for a little girl to be exposed to all sorts in the men’s loo? No way. I’d far rather we let fathers bring their daughters into the ladies’. The sooner we move to family friendly loos the better.

One, consent is not transferable, just because you think it's ok other women don't.

Two, agree we need better solutions but in the meantime it's fine for boys who are under 8 to go with their mums in the bathroom for example but after that they should go in the mens. Same applies other way round.

SparklyBracelet · 07/04/2024 11:37

Herdinggoats · 07/04/2024 11:33

Women don’t want men in their spaces because they are intimidated.

When this man was challenged he had 2 options, he could have been really apologetic and said he was out without another adult and didn’t know what else he could do, but he was terribly sorry for making someone uncomfortable; OR he could react aggressively. The fact he chose to react aggressively proves he should not be in a women’s space.

Yep. That’s it. Entitlement. Why not just say oh sorry. Why not shut the kid up. All wrong

Clarabell77 · 07/04/2024 11:33

Februaryfeels · 07/04/2024 02:03

So when I'm out with my DS, I should take him to the men's toilets?

I wouldn’t, but it’s up to you really.

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