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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL got me a Christmas present - DH knew I didn't want it - Still annoying me 5 years later.

90 replies

thereutrnofthegift · 06/04/2024 13:39

OK yes this is very petty but it annoys me.

5 years ago I was admitted to a MH hospital, we were not allowed phones/ internet. Just allowed a visit once a week.

During that time DH told me SIL was running the family Christmas secret Santa. Not everyone knew I was in hospital so I guessed she would make sure she got me. So I asked DH, to say I didn't mind what she got but I did not want her to do our wedding album. She has done them for friends before and it's the sort of thing she'd do. I told him I was really looking forward to being at home after Christmas and getting to do the album myself. He said he would.

I got released from hospital about a week before Christmas. Sitting in his parents living room Christmas day I opened my SS present, (it's a set up where everyone watches you open your gift), of course it was a wedding album. I think I put on a decent show of being happy but honestly I wish I had just left because I wouldn't have to think about it every again!

I asked DH when we got home what had happened. He said SIL asked for the photos and he knew she had put in a lot of effort, and that he 'would have to hurt someone's feelings' so he choose to hurt my feelings.

He offered to burn it. I put it at the back of a high shelf in a spare room. It causes tension any time it is brought up.

SIL has asked to borrow the book which has brought it up again.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is, I suppose that it still upsets me. That he choose to hurt me. When really I don't think SIL would have been too hurt at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
thereutrnofthegift · 06/04/2024 13:53

@Delatron I have prints of a my favourite ones up. The book does live in the back of a cupboard and I don't dwell on it. I honestly haven't thought of it in years.

@PrimalOwl10 it's not to do with what SIL did, she did to a lovely thoughtful thing. It's because I asked DH to specifically ask her not to, he choose to spare her feelings over mine

OP posts:
YaMuvva · 06/04/2024 13:52

With the greatest of respect, everyone is behaving very melodramatically and I can’t see any reason why you can’t all get over it. Burning and exiling the book? Goodness me.

She was obviously half way through making it and your DH, probably in total despair at his wife being admitted to hospital, didn’t want to cause unnecessary drama with his family.

Nothing to get upset about.

Also I’m pretty sure you can make more than one album and there’s no reason why you couldn’t have done this yourself as well

PrimalOwl10 · 06/04/2024 13:50

This sounds batshit your sil did a nice thing for you and your creating issues or something she did to be thoughtful.

pasturesgreen · 06/04/2024 13:50

Not SIL's fault, but as is so often the case, you do have a pretty serious DH problem.

That he would have to hurt someone's feelings, so he actively choose to hurt yours is awful. Properly LTB territory.

Delatron · 06/04/2024 13:49

Sounds like your DH is a people pleaser. And they just often end up pleasing nobody!

I would move on though. If you have copies of the photos then do your own and put hers to the back of the cupboard. She didn’t mean to upset you and he just stuck his head in the sand. Nothing good will come of dwelling on this.

BakedTattie · 06/04/2024 13:48

Just say it’s in the attic and inaccessible

Willmafrockfit · 06/04/2024 13:48

it seems like overstepping to me
but presumably not to her

i think you could redo it

Original poster
thereutrnofthegift · 06/04/2024 13:47

Not SILs fault at all. Completely DH's fault sorry if I got that across wrong.

She wants to show a friend how they can be done or something.

I know I can do my own, it's just honestly any time I think about doing it I remember how shit I felt when I saw it. That DH choose to trump SILs feelings over mine. It has caused some massive rows. So I think it is better left to lie.

DH just says he didn't want to hurt her feelings. But clearly didn't give a shit about mine - he says that isn't the case.

OP posts:
TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 06/04/2024 13:47

YABVU. It's a lovely gift and you're being ridiculous and rather rude about something that someone clearly put a lot of time and effort into.

You could have also made your own one.

fluffiphlox · 06/04/2024 13:46

Do your own? Mountains and molehills.

Thelnebriati · 06/04/2024 13:45

YANBU, it wasn't thoughtful, and offering to burn it was plain weird.

ASighMadeOfStone · 06/04/2024 13:44

You asked your husband to tell her not to. He didn't.
Not her fault.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 06/04/2024 13:44

Sounds like a complete non-issue and a thoughtful gift, as suggested above, no reason you couldn’t do your own the way you wanted as well.

WhingeInTheWillows · 06/04/2024 13:42

I know it’s been a while but I think I’d feel the same. Have you asked why he let her do it, and why does she want it now? Can you make your own now?

Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2024 13:42

Did you do your own too? I think I would just have done another in the manner I wanted it to be done. Yes he was insensitive and could have told her not to but by the same token there is no reason not to gave done your own version if you didn't like hers.