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Original poster

I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

312 replies

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:48

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 06/04/2024 08:35

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

You can't report it you are being ridiculous wanting to report just take her out and find something that is more acceptable and appropriate to you.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/04/2024 08:34

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

What? They've had reruns of flashdance on TV loads of times. You can't miss it.
I always turn it off can't stand it.

Rowgtfc72 · 06/04/2024 08:32

Dd did dance from age 2 to 8. We avoided comps because I didn't like the hairspray, fake tan, skimpy costume culture. She still had fun.
She entered one local unaffiliated comp just to see. I dressed her in a plain black skirted leotard and nipped to the loo. Came back to find her dressed as a showgirl. A parent, kindly, had lent her a costume so she looked like the other girls. I may have mentioned the word hooker, she certainly had less clothes on than one. She came first beating girls twice her age, got a nice trophy and we never did it again.
We did get to meet local boy Kevin Clifton though.
Dance shows were normal costumes and printed t shirts. It was just comps that were over the top.
Unfortunately if the shows costumes are skimpy they're skimpy. Your dd either does it or you pull her out. You have the choice.

BaconCozzers · 06/04/2024 08:32

RJnomore1 · 06/04/2024 00:27

Dance is fucking awful. Also so many women living vicariously.

send your daughters to martial arts is my best advice.

My DD does dance AND karate...
Op her dance school is nothing like this, you won't get yours to change so just move her to a better school.

Ledci · 06/04/2024 08:31

Let me get this straight:
You say they wear inappropriate clothing, sexulise everything, grooming the children yet all you are doing is moaning about it on here and continuing to allow your daughter to attend?! To a place you have specifically made claims of grooming against.....
I think you need to take a check of your senses.

Bumdrops · 06/04/2024 08:31

I think it’s the norm -
dance / drama schools /clubs are a business and the owners need / want to make money alongside giving the opportunity to the kids so there is always requests for paying for that / that and the other - it a business !!

the favouritism etc totally see that as the norm

Chicago / moulin rouge - that is the world of performance - they use the school / teen editions as opposed to the adult versions so there is a bit of toning it down, but ultimately dance / drama you are judged on your body / appearance / physical abilities …. Not an ideal world for rounded self esteem, but it is what it is !

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 08:29

Arrestedmanevolence · 06/04/2024 08:21

Oh and the concert DD went to had one slot for a girl with ASC who had been having independent lessons. But in the program it was put "xxx performing yy, has special needs" as they were clearly embarrassed by the girl. It was awful!

That's disgusting. Why are so many dance schools like this?!

OP posts:
RazzberryGem · 06/04/2024 08:26

I pulled my daughter out of a dance class for this sort of reason. It seemed great until she was in and it all just started to look a bit dodgy 😬

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 08:25

Why don't you feel it is enough to pull her out?

PerfectTravelTote · 06/04/2024 08:25

Is a dance class. Not a cult.
Take her out and enroll her elsewhere.

Arrestedmanevolence · 06/04/2024 08:21

Oh and the concert DD went to had one slot for a girl with ASC who had been having independent lessons. But in the program it was put "xxx performing yy, has special needs" as they were clearly embarrassed by the girl. It was awful!

Trixiefirecracker · 06/04/2024 08:20

You want to flag the dance school for grooming but do not want to pull your child out? Mind blown.

DelilahsHaven · 06/04/2024 08:19

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/04/2024 23:53

I think you went a bit overboard with the flash dance reference…

If that is what your frame of reference is, then your children are grown ass adults

I remember flashdance and my kids aren't "grown ass".

They have these things now where you can watch films from the past again, called streaming services too, you'd be amazed how many old things people have watched.

Arrestedmanevolence · 06/04/2024 08:19

My dd was in one like this, they had 4 year olds paraded out to tap dance to "every girl wants a sailor" music in sailor outfits and trained to do winks to the crowd, then ballet dance to Chaz and Dave's London girls. The woman who runs it spent all year focusing on costume design leaving the teaching to 15 year olds. They charged to see the show and then £25 for the recording of the show. More money for costumes etc.

I pulled DD out after one show and she now goes to a dance place where they wear leggings and t shirts and focus on dancing rather than nylon costumes and make up.

I felt a bit sorry for the woman who did run the awful one. It was like she was stuck in the past and couldn't see that most parents nowadays wouldn't want what she was doing. The school is suffering financially as a result. She is a well trained dancer so it's a shame really.

MokaEfti · 06/04/2024 08:15

dipsytipsy · 06/04/2024 00:14

You can escalate it but unless the other parents don't feel uncomfortable with this there's not much you can do other than pull your dd out!

No. OP can report anonymously to NSPCC or Children's Services. They will then investigate. I think this is what OP is asking. No need to even mention to other parents. Simply pulling own daughter out does not help the other girls either.

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 08:12

MumOfOneAwesomeHuman · 06/04/2024 07:15

DD went to a place like this when she was young, make up like pageant queens on six year olds. Fleecing the parents for costume hire, being in the shows (though drop off in car park is fee is ridiculous). Our final straw was paying for a scrunchy for an exam and then the teacher waiting by the door and plucking the scrunchies off the kids buns - apparently the £6.99 for the scrunchy was to hire it!!

We left and found a wonderful dance school where the children and their mental and physical health comes first. No make up, no slutty costumes, no fees beyond the cost of classes, no fee to be in the show, no fee for costume rental and the best teaching.

I am sure wherever you are there is an alternative school with a better ethos.

But I think you may be pushed to find a school studying jazz/modern that wouldn't do a routine like that to Chicago. I remember wearing suspenders and underwear in a production of Cabaret at 16 back in the 80s.

I think that is just the nature of modern dance. And 15/16 year olds would be deemed old enough and likely want to do those routines. I loved it and felt very sophisticated and not remotely groomed. I really don't think you can call this grooming even though it feels inappropriate (especially as the younger ones get to view it).

If I was you I would find a better school and maybe have your daughter study ballet, acro and contemporary rather than jazz/modern and that way she won't be learning moves or wearing costumes that offend you.

I doubt you will get anywhere reporting them to the exam boards because this is par for the course up and down the country as bad the school haven't broken any laws or done anything other schools aren't going.

Perhaps focus on your daughter. Get her to a better school and write a letter to the school explaining why you're pulling her out. Send a copy to the exam boards and at least it may be discussed. But you're looking to shut them down, it isn't going to happen.

I appreciate my grooming comment was a bit much, I was feeling a bit het up last night 😂

Tbh it's the last straw imo with this school. There's such a mindset of hero worship, snootiness, snobbiness, arrogance, superiority. I think it's so damaging for these girls mentally, and in a time when we should be teaching resilience and ownership of their bodies it just makes me so sad. The over sexualisation starting at 14 is just soooo inappropriate in the current climate when parents are already battling social media and our girls growing up quickly.

My daughter started at this school during Covid, she loves dance but has bought into the whole thing, it's almost like a mini cult and she hates any kind of criticism of the way they do things. As I mentioned to a pp she went through a horrific period of school bullying last year and it was the thing that kept her going so I felt like I couldn't rock her world further by pulling her out of the school.

I danced a lot as a kid and it was nothing like this. Yes we wore leotards but not suspenders and bras on a stage. Again as another pp said there were so many dads, grand dads and brothers in the audience last night and they must have not known where to look.

OP posts:
CheeryPye · 06/04/2024 08:11

grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:04

She's been at this school three years but this is the worst I've seen it. The girls were wearing suspenders and I guess underwear (or what looked like underwear) for a Chicago number. I get that this is in keeping with the musical but they're all under 18 so can't consent to it themselves. I've seen strippers wear more in Las Vegas

I just think if there were nefarious people in the theatre - yuck. That's my daughter in a couple of years (and other people's daughters right now)

Show quote history

Why are you visiting strippers in Las Vegas?

Conkersinautumn · 06/04/2024 08:09

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/04/2024 23:53

I think you went a bit overboard with the flash dance reference…

If that is what your frame of reference is, then your children are grown ass adults

.... Flashdance, an 80s movie - I know it well, i was born in the 70s. My children are all under 18.

? What did you mean to say

VestibuleVirgin · 06/04/2024 08:08

ASighMadeOfStone · 06/04/2024 07:52

"The late Middle English word center came before the Old French centre (pronounced “saunt” in French). It began to refer to “the middle of something” in the 16th century, and center was Shakespeare’s preferred spelling as well, as it turned up ten times in his plays (centre appears only once). However, the French-inspired centre became the British spelling convention in the 17th and 18th centuries, especially after British writer Samuel Johnson included centre in his 1755 Dictionary of the English Language."

Education is a wonderful thing. "Centre" is the one that "crept in". American English is generally truer to the etymological origins.

Good to see Muphry got you though.

Show quote history

Having not seen Shakespeare sauntering around the South bank recently, I am assuming we are in 2024 not 1594. The current correct spelling is centre.

dottiedodah · 06/04/2024 08:07

I take your point ,I would have not been happy either. However as pp said some of the girls will be expected to dance in heels and they are not in a strip club,but performing a well known routine from a film . The 20.00 drop off sounds like a scam to me

user1492757084 · 06/04/2024 08:06

Move her if you don't like the tone of the school.
How do the older girls feel?
Often they get a say in their dance routines. Perhaps they like Chicago. Perhaps they love Moulin Rouge.

Over the decades appropriate costumes for dance, gymnastics, skating, athletics and especially swimming at the beach have changed and become more revealing. The febrics are usually more synthetic and stronger than in the past though - not see through and the tights are of good quality.

My daughters chose small high jump costumes in secondary school and loved their ballet costumes - the more theatrical and enegetic the dance, the better.. Their teenage friends wore string bikinis which were skimpier.

Visit the concerts of a few other schools and see if another appeals more to your daughter's sense of modesty.

Cormoran · 06/04/2024 08:05

So for the Jazz piece they danced the Chicago musical wearing ...the Chicago costume.
It is a musical . It is dance. It is fun.

Gosh, don't go to an Art Gallery or the British museum, it is full of naked women.

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 08:03

Grandmasswagbag · 06/04/2024 07:04

That is disgusting. Never heard of dance schools doing this but they are grooming children for the sex ‘industry’ by the sounds of it! How are any parents happy with this? Which region are you in ?

I'm in the south. This is a 'proper' dance school that does all the exams, they do GCSES and A levels in their centre too

OP posts:
Loveskin2024 · 06/04/2024 08:03

My 4 year old recently did her first ballet show. I found it super creepy for some reason. Won’t be taking her back.

Bunnycat101 · 06/04/2024 08:02

I think there is a massive difference between schools though. Standalone ballet schools seem much less likely to be doing that sort of show. There are definitely some dance schools locally that are much more keen on the mega makeup and gyrating style of dance and I avoided them for my children.