Why are some MIL so bad?

My mil just wants it to be her and her son. DH has pitched us against each other and this has damaged my relationship with her beyond repair.

I’ve had 2 wonderful ‘MILs’ (LTR mums) and 1 bad one (sadly DP’s mum).

May be a coincidence but the wonderful ones had daughters as well as sons. DP’s mum has 2 sons and she was used to being the only female surrounded by yes men while they were growing up. I think she felt quite threatened by another female being on the scene and not being their ‘most important woman’ any more.

Maybe that's why some mothers are so keen to have a daughter (rather than a son)?

Agreed. I had the Dil from hell, thank God they divorced in the end (she made his life a misery). Now I have a lovely Dil and we get on great. There are just some awful people out there who can put on a front for a while, then their true self comes out…

All of us that have sons may all one become such a mother in law?!

I think some are just nasty people.
Sometimes they hide it well to begin with (perhaps to try to keep their child on their side) but don't bother to keep it up.

Some just get 'baby rabies' ... my first child wasn't her first grandchild but she has no relationship with her other grandchildren aside from one who she doesn't see but the GD only contacts her when she wants something. The other GC are adult age and hate her (what does that tell you!). She's now not allowed access to my 2 children either. Textbook covert narcissist who used the victim mentality, guilt trips and emotional manipulation on the daily. She tries to use my DH as emotional support to replace her husband 🤢

My MIL was batshit from day one. I suspect she saw herself as the matriarch and anyone coming from outside as a "threat" to her family's stability.

She blamed for the financial loss her son getting married entailed (he paid rent) and for making her son move out.

She wanted us to live separately when we got married so that my husband could still live with her and provide for his parents and siblings.

She wanted to have control over everything and everyone. My children were essentially hers, and they were to call her "mum", and I were to move to hers closer to the birth date so that she could bond with the baby and live with them. I was not to have my family over to see the baby after birth either.

I obviously said no to every single batshit demand she had.

A daughter's your daughter all her life
Your son's your son, til he gets a wife.

Something like that anyway.

Some mum's seem to be quite territorial over their son's.

They go from being their go to woman, to second in line.

Where most mums are happy to be gaining a Dil and seeing their son's happy, some mum's feel that their nose has been pushed out of joint.

I would say that is the minority though.

My MIL has never been nice her own children keep her at arms length with good reason. I thought it was a bit mean until she did it to me!

Thankfully she has taught me a lot.......what to never do if I become a MIL!

My exes mother was nasty to me because she didn’t think I was good enough for her son. He was a total narcissist and hasn’t had contact with our dd for many years. Ex mil still says that he sends gifts and money to my dd that I have stolen. It’s hilarious really as he never even paid his child support let alone send gifts, and he hasn’t sent her a birthday card in 5 years.

I always tell my DS that when he has a serious partner, remember what I am telling him now - put her first and side with her over me, always, not matter what I might say when the time comes.

My first MIL was an evil bitch and Ex-H was in thrall to her, she could do no wrong. I wrote more about her in my 'unreasonable behaviour' thingy for the solicitor than I did about him!

The same reasons that some DILs are so bad. Some people are just selfish, self absorbed, spoilt, defensive, insecure, difficult, demanding and far too touchy.