Why are some MIL so bad?

When ex & I went to see his parents after announcing our engagement she hugged me & whispered how disappointed she was to me.
And that was probably our best ever interaction.

The evening before our wedding she stormed off in a huff from the pub saying she wouldn't come to the wedding (she did)

When our twins were due due we turned the large double spare room into their nursery & put the bed in storage in the cupboard under the stairs.
I spent 10 days in hospital with them after an early CS
Told all family we wanted the first few days at home just us
Turned into the drive & she opened the front door to us.
Babies were asleep & I wanted to put them in down in yhe nursery before confronting them only to find they had totally dismantled the nursery and reinstated the spare room.
I went apeshit and lost it, demanded they immediately put everything back & leave or they'd never set foot in the house again, see the twins etc.

Of course my parents had preferential treatment in seeing their first grandchild before the in laws.

There is no "of course" about it.
I was delighted that my new dc had 4 Grandparents that were excited to meet them, and to support me.

I think the addition of children can definitely cause different behaviour. I absolutely love my MIL (and my FIL!). She's a lovely, kind woman and we get on well. However, H and I are childfree.

When my SIL had our neice, she was definitely not as lovely to SIL ex. Now he was an absolute moron, so I can't really blame her. But she's never treated any of SILs partners as nicely as she treats me that I can see. (Hope the current partner makes the cut as he's a lovely bloke!) She's never horrible, but certainly gets more 'involved' and provides far more opinions.

Probably because the mil had a tantrum about not being allowed in the delivery Room.
Mil ruined herself from being excluded.

My MIL is an evil witch. I don't speak to her much but it really opened my eyes when my SIL gave birth a few months ago, her and BIL requested a week to adjust. Guess who turned up at the hospital an hour later? Yep, MIL. She then proceeded to take multiple pictures (while SIL was not fully dressed) and posted them everywhere. Yes you could see SIL private parts in all the pictures. My partner and I don't plan to have kids for a while, but I have already told my partner that under no circumstances will she be doing the same with us. He is already LC with her which says a lot in itself to be honest.

If you quoted my entire post then you'd know why. I was really unwell in hospital after giving birth so I wanted to see my parents, not my in-laws, soon after giving birth.

Of course my parents had preferential treatment in seeing their first grandchild before the in laws.

Why is that 'of course' ?

As a mother of a son that actually makes me sad.

My MIL wanted to be in the delivery room as soon as my baby was born (first grandchild). I said no and then she threw a tantrum and gave us the silent treatment. She was also angry my parents visited me and my baby in hospital because I was very unwell after giving birth. Of course my parents had preferential treatment in seeing their first grandchild before the in laws.

My FIL is a prick if that helps. He stomped in with a rude and mean joke as soon as he came in to meet my son, and I told him to piss off. MIL chimed in, "yes, piss off" and asked if I was ok.

Wish I knew father in laws can be just as bad too glad I don't have to speak to mine anymore. Very strange manipulative people.
I'd of loved to have had decent in laws

I wonder why so many MIL are bad but not FIL?

No, that site acknowledges the faults that can exist from all sides.

I think it’s many women have never felt real love from a man, even the Fathers of their children so their sons become the only man who they have ever felt any love from. Of course that love is then displaced, hence the irrational jealousy of the DIL.

My DS has a long term GF of 5 years we get on very well. I am hoping they marry. I know it’s a different kind of love as it should b. I am lucky enough to have a DH who I know loves me. I want my DS to be able to give and receive love a long time and I am not living for ever as far as I’m aware.

But equally there are DILs who take ownership of their partners and see their MIL (who after all has a longer history with her son) as a threat.

I think the relationship has potential to be fraught in both directions.

I’m a mum of 2 grown sons that are married. I’m so careful to be friendly and helpful to my dils. My own mother in law is a complete bitch. 40yrs later she just as horrid. Always made it clear she doesn’t like me with her hateful snide comments. I actually hate her. Evil old bag. She was awful to her husband who died young (probably stress) which makes me dislike her even more!

Jealousy and ownership, they think maybe even on an unconscious unconscious that they still 'own' the family and you therefore must listen to criticism. They're also redundant from their former role and see you as a threat.

My Sil has breast cancer.
I am fatter, less fit and my children are older.
My MIL actually voiced 'why couldn't it be you'

I've known her for longer than not known her but at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water and it does do strange things when under pressure.

I definitely think that's true but if you're not a GM it's hard to explain.
Like I get on with my dil who has kids.
But now and again I go bonkers.
But only to my DP I get all my batshit energy out on him.
And then I'm back to normal.
Like I do get jealous of her DM being able to do stuff or she gets more time with them.

But I'd never say it and I think that's what it comes down to.

It’s also strange how these terrible MILs seemed to produce lovely sons/husbands. Maybe they were indeed good mothers!
I’m not sure that giving unsolicited advice/not adhering to orders (eg when they have the grandchildren for a whole day) makes them narcissistic either! Isn’t it just part and parcel of getting along with others?

That has no relevance to that poster's sneering tone about the other sons going to see her every holiday. I'd have thought that's pretty normal. We went to see my in-laws every holiday too. And my DH's consideration for his parents in doing so (they lived 2.5 hours away) was one of the things that made me aware of how good a man he was.

Perhaps you missed the part where MIL was upset that a visit was cancelled due to a complicated miscarriage?

Why shouldn’t they see their mother. They presumably love her… “good boys” sounds rather vindictive in tone.
And so many parents of young children/teens live through their children. She’s taking an interest in their lives poor woman

I'm hoping that the fact that I have two sons and no daughters will help me be a good MIL when my time comes.

Me too!

I do think there is something about having grandchildren that can set some perfectly reasonable MILs off. My MIL was fine, we weren't very close as different people and she lived the other end of the country but we got on.
She went a bit daft at our wedding, bit over-bearing about some things but I ignored it and it all went back to normal.
Then 5 years later and my twin dds came along and she was obsessed and became very overbearing for about 5 years (until she got some other GC from my BIL). They were the only girls (she had had 2 boys) and the first GC and because they were twins there was usually one available for a cuddle. I did find it very tough and at times she was unkind. Which is weird as she is not an unkind person but I think she sort of wanted my life for a while, a chance to do it again. I probably didn't also handle it as well as I might have done as I was immature and tired with looking after twins. The last 10 years + have been fine and I know I will miss her terribly when she goes (hopefully a while yet). So my point is, it can be temporary and perhaps hormonal for some people.

My MIL was neglectful and abusive. My husband’s relationship with her was out of obligation long before I came along.

and to add, I meant MY having a relationship with his mother was never on his radar.