Family drama

exactly

or if i was the op id say he needs to meet her away from the home and ensure she has therapy and if no drama after a prolonged time… then tentatively she would be allowed in the home and to see siblings again

But he can’t have his dd in his home. So he needs to accept that or leave.

I mean, what would you do if your child murdered someone? Yes you would still love them (I would still love mine), but would you be one of those mothers blindly supporting them no matter what? Refusing to see that your child had behaved monstrously?

i would visit i. prison and when released they would have a home with me

Im approaching this from the DH’s perspective

to be clear

if i was the op… not a bloody chance would i wish to interact with this girl nor my children to

if i was the dh not a chance i wouldnt want to grab this opportunity to rebuild and help my child

It's not about love. It's about protecting other people I love, and myself.

I mean, what would you do if your child murdered someone? Yes you would still love them (I would still love mine), but would you be one of those mothers blindly supporting them no matter what? Refusing to see that your child had behaved monstrously?

I'm not saying this girl is a murderer but her actions are very serious and could have had, or still could have (if she tells more lies) dire consequences.

Where would my younger kids be if I had a child, either biological or step, in my house, and they falsely accused me of sexual assault and I went to prison?

did you miss my point

the op isn’t the parent. no bloody way would i have unconditional love for a step child!!

Easy to say when you’re not in OP’s shoes.

The DSD has a home and OP needs to protect her own kids.

No one is being abandoned here.

it’s not like even therapy has been pursued yet

so i take it you don’t prescribe to remind unconditional love for your children?

because not a chance id be abandoning my 14 year old over this

I agree, @PrimalOwl10 , something is very wrong. That’s why I think that her Dad should organize some therapy for her. Tbh, this should be his first priority, way before seeing the OP and her siblings again. She needs help.

it would take more than this for me to abandon my 14 year old child

but if i was a SM… no i would not wish to engage with her or for my children to

You mean if my child had told malicious lies and nearly ruined me and my husband, was violent, and above the age of criminal responsibility? Oh and we had younger children to consider? I'd have to think twice, for myself. I'm not sure if I would. And I certainly wouldn't expect my husband, as a step parent, to tolerate that.

this girl sounds deeply deeply troubled

Brocolli, you seem to have missed the part that the OP said that the girls own Mum, wanted her out of her house, because of this girls behaviour.

What do you say about that? Her own Mother.

but would you want your child in your home at some point if table turned?

I'm a step mother myself.

I wouldn't have a child in my house that had told malicious lies about me that could have had very serious consequences. Nor would I expose my kids to her. Especially now she's been 'violent'.

Can't believe people are suggesting OP do otherwise.

BruFord she had typed that before I finished my post. She also said the step father was in appropriate. I knew a girl who had a very dark childhood turns out a neighbour had groomed her and molestered her. Become within drawn, suicidal made lies up. She ass very damaged. Happy children don't act like this for no reason I suspect there's been something that's happened. Potentially with the step dad.

to whom did DSD’s mother mention that she had been violent?

what are you going to do op? have you decided?

As DSD’s mum says DSD is violent, OP should not have to have her in her home or have to leave her home for DSD.

If DH wants that, he should do the grunt work of applying for a divorce and leaving the house or putting the house up for sale.

so on the basis of one child who has developed in to an adult which very obvious mental health issues

you presume the worst of this child?

@PrimalOwl10 The OP explains what her SD accused them of further up-click “see all” on one of her posts.

If he want her in the house then I would take kids out for the day.

I'd say he needs at least a year of sustained weekly contact before I'd even think abut seeing dsd again and certainly not introducing to my own children

You say she accused people of stuff what did she actually accused you're dh or yourself of? Was it SA? If so it's likely she has suffered SA but maybe at the hands of someone else. This was is not 10 year old behaviour. I suspect theres alot of deep rooted issues going on underneath everything. Hollyoaks is currently doing a SA story line where a child wrongly accused her grandad for inappropriate touching when infact he was innocent but her brother was actually abusing her. Does this girl have access to counselling. I think you're dh needs to explore the reasons why and not sweep things under the rug. I can respect you wanting to keep your home and dc protected however you do need to consider how things might be long term.

It was a response to your bizarre post of boundaries are not one way.