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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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Beetlebumz · 05/04/2024 21:09

Because he was hammered

Magicmonday24 · 05/04/2024 21:08

She over ate and over drank then. Either way she doesn’t deserve the full apology and neither does he. Sounds like they need to communicate better.

Beetlebumz · 05/04/2024 21:08

Got to be honest I’d be embarrassed if my dp put his head on the table..

OutOntheTilez · 05/04/2024 21:07

OP: “My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I felt awful but I didn’t want to cause a fuss in case I became sick at the table, so I tried to get up to get to a bathroom, but I wound up collapsing on the floor . . .

It's left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that it was ridiculous of me for trying to stand up when feeling ill and collapsing in front of everyone and we would have to agree to disagree.”

Responses: “For Christ’s sake, OP, why didn’t you just stay where you were and put your head down on the table?”

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 21:03

Inner ear, really? Her only proper excuse is if it was her first time drinking alcohol. We all know what happens when you have drink on an empty stomach. Me at least, I immediately flush and any heat makes me immediately ill feeling. A room full of people at an event... probably hot and stuffy. Doesn't mix well with alcohol. Apologize to DH for him not seeing his mates and be done. As pp have said you didn't vomit on the dancefloor or hit on the groom. It's not something anyone will remember except DH, who probably was upset he couldn't socialize with old friends. I will say that alot of you seem quite better than me. If I saw someone plop their head down on a table at a wedding, I wouldn't fan them with my menu. Id be sidling away fast as I could to avoid being throw up on.

Tessisme · 05/04/2024 21:02

I bet you're one of those people who would walk past an unconscious diabetic in a hypo because you'd assume they were drunk, aren't you?

How on earth did you glean that from anything I said? I merely questioned your use of the word 'ableist'. I wouldn't walk past anyone in distress, even if they were, in fact, drunk. What a fucking stupid conclusion to draw.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 21:02

TeacheeTeacherson · 05/04/2024 20:57

Haha, I’ve had this, the fainter’s dilemma when you can feel it about to happen. You either get your head down ASAP, avoid fainting and look like a bit of a wally, or you have to try and leave and risk actually collapsing on the way, but at least people don’t think you’re being a drama queen.

Or heaven forbid, they have to feel 'mortified' by seeing you with your head on the table. Poor wee souls

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 21:01

MaryFuckingFerguson · 05/04/2024 21:00

Putting your head on the table would have made you look like you were shitfaced, even if you weren’t.

If I’d been with you I’d have been mortified.

Christ

MaryFuckingFerguson · 05/04/2024 21:00

Putting your head on the table would have made you look like you were shitfaced, even if you weren’t.

If I’d been with you I’d have been mortified.

TeacheeTeacherson · 05/04/2024 20:57

Haha, I’ve had this, the fainter’s dilemma when you can feel it about to happen. You either get your head down ASAP, avoid fainting and look like a bit of a wally, or you have to try and leave and risk actually collapsing on the way, but at least people don’t think you’re being a drama queen.

Fawklight · 05/04/2024 20:54

My husband can't have alcohol either he gets very unwell on just a glass. Not drunk at all. Just very unwell. Vomiting, stomach problems, numb fingers the like.

He's gone T total because of it. He has auto immune issues. So we put it down to that.

I'm sure you see in hindsight that leaving the room may have been a bit better. But your husband really should have trusted your word. Still alcohol clouds the mind.

cherish123 · 05/04/2024 20:51

He didn't sound v nice
However, I'd be annoyed if my DH put his head on the table at a wedding. It's not good etiquette and, if I saw it, I would assume the person was drunk. Far better to leave the room.

Overrrreee · 05/04/2024 20:44

I voted YANBU as he should have rejoined the party and he wasn’t nice to you. But putting your head on the table was a bit… odd. Even with all your updates, still a bit odd, you should have left the room.

So I think you behaved a little strangely and he was embarrassed and then behaved badly.

He was a dick though, yes, and I’d be looking for a pattern in his behaviour and wondering.

Sweden99 · 05/04/2024 20:43

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/04/2024 20:08

@Februaryfeels

maybe she is sick of the bizarre puritanical mumsnet attitude towards alcohol (especially women drinking alcohol)

Show quote history

Yes! MN has gone bonkers.
It used to be it would blindly take the woman's side. Now it insist that every women is perfect and persucutes any flawed woman as not being a realy woman and being a disgrace.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 20:42

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/04/2024 19:57

some people are so weird on here about alcohol

like a couple of glasses of Prosecco makes OP some massive piss head with an alcohol problem

a couple of glasses of Prosecco is NOTHING

Op if anything just needs some nights out on the town with her pals to build up her tolerance and she’ll be fine

I’m partial to a bottomless brunch - alcohol tolerance isn’t usually a concern 🤣

that said it was still only 2 Proseccos - not the 2 magnums that some people think it must have been.

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 20:42

GogoGobo · 05/04/2024 20:25

I think YABVU and I would have totally cringed if my DH has done this. Head on the table during speeches is horrendous.
If you felt you couldn't walk unaided you should have asked your DH to discreetly escort you out of the room, sit you someone cooler and quiet with a glass of water and then he could have returned to finish listening to the speeches.

Totes cringe.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 20:40

Slobberchops1 · 05/04/2024 20:25

well your behaviour was a bit embarrassing, putting your head on the table ??

I know right. Awful behaviour. Like literally cannot think of anything worse when someone puts their head on a table when they feel faint. Dragged up, obviously

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 05/04/2024 20:40

You people are nuts. No one in my personal life cares this much about weddings, I never even knew it was a thing until MN. What happens with the rest of life if your wedding is such high stakes? Do you have nothing else going on? I thought it was meant to be a celebration, not some sort of endurance test.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 20:38

Februaryfeels · 05/04/2024 20:05

FFS @K0OLA1D why are you so angry at posters.

Have you read the thread?

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 20:37

ginasevern · 05/04/2024 18:46

I'm very far from an etiquette book wielding pearl clutcher. If you could only see me! I'm actually just being realistic. There are a lot of people on Mumsnet who aren't realistic. Their children always eat curley kale, their MIL's are always bitches, their teenage sons always whip the hoover out. Unfortunately life isn't like that and sometimes, just sometimes people get embarrassed. I really defy anyone who says they have categorically never, in their entire lives, been affected by what other people/society/their parents/their employers/their mates think of them. Never to have known that feeling is to be a robot and not human.

Show quote history

I didn’t say I (or anyone else) was never affected by what people think of me (or them).
I just really don’t see why it was so dreadful for the OP to rest her forehead on her arm. Or why that should be so excruciatingly embarrassing for her DH because his friends were there.
Aren’t friends the people who are meant to hold your hair back when you puke/defend you if people criticise you/generally have your back?
I genuinely can’t imagine, if a friend’s partner was feeling sick and faint, doing anything other than offering practical support like water/a seat/my arm, or feeling anything other than concern.

Mothership4two · 05/04/2024 20:28

@Magicmonday24

You say you were genuinely ill but you also drank on an empty stomach so….

She didn't

OP: To be fair I didn’t feel ill on an empty stomach. We’d eaten starter, main and wedding cake by that point.

GogoGobo · 05/04/2024 20:25

I think YABVU and I would have totally cringed if my DH has done this. Head on the table during speeches is horrendous.
If you felt you couldn't walk unaided you should have asked your DH to discreetly escort you out of the room, sit you someone cooler and quiet with a glass of water and then he could have returned to finish listening to the speeches.

Slobberchops1 · 05/04/2024 20:25

well your behaviour was a bit embarrassing, putting your head on the table ??

Magicmonday24 · 05/04/2024 20:25

My issue is you are expecting a full apology from him when tbh neither of you deserves the full apology.

You say you were genuinely ill but you also drank on an empty stomach so….

  • if it was the other way round can you honestly say you wouldn’t be annoyed at him?

He should have listened to you and just left you to it.

Mothership4two · 05/04/2024 20:24

Kittycat333 · 05/04/2024 20:22

You were pissed and probably attention seeking. Are you jealous of his uni friends?

And you are reading a different thread to everybody else