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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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20
justasking111 · 06/04/2024 00:04

jannier · 05/04/2024 23:54

How does drinking too much on an empty stomach drop your BP? Isn't it just light headed because you're pissed?

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"Alcohol intolerance - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic" https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-intolerance/symptoms-causes/syc-20369211

According to Mayo clinic it can

Prosecco is nasty stuff partly due to the bubbles speeding up feeling drunk, damage to teeth. I can't tolerate it

Alcohol intolerance-Alcohol intolerance - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-intolerance/symptoms-causes/syc-20369211

jannier · 05/04/2024 23:54

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 22:48

@Howbizarre22

Agreed. Rude & attention seeking & potentially spoiling the speeches and the memories of them. Just get up and leave I’m sure you could’ve managed that. I’m with your DH on this sorry.

You actually have no experience of a sudden drop in blood pressure do you.

You can't just walk out. You would pass out on the way. And it comes on so suddenly that by the time you realise you are in trouble it's too late.
You'd probably accuse her of being an attention seeker for passing out during speeches. 🙄

How does drinking too much on an empty stomach drop your BP? Isn't it just light headed because you're pissed?

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 23:54

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 23:22

Def not pregnant! Husband is ✂️

Edited

So was mine. We just had a baby last year at 40.

SunsetFire · 05/04/2024 23:53

Also it reminds me of another wedding where there was a seven course meal, but it was taking almost an hour to get every course out. One guest returned home to do the washing-up and returned laughing that the next course still wasn't out!

By time food had finished there wasn't time for much else.

SunsetFire · 05/04/2024 23:51

Justasking111 at least you got to eat before the speeches... Starving hungry guests having to listen to speeches first and boring PowerPoint presentations.

I will always remember it for being such an awful wedding which is such a shame.

Why they didn't have the buffet after the ceremony, but buffet after the dinner!

HappierTimesAhead · 05/04/2024 23:42

This all reminds me why I hate weddings. There is so much to endure and you have no control over when you eat and drink and everything takes ages and is tedious 😂

User356432 · 05/04/2024 23:35

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 23:14

That happened to us 11àm wedding, back to the hotel, immediately the families vanished with the photographer. Guests all left in the bar with a small sherry. The hotel bar was cleaned out of crisps, peanuts, etc. after a couple of drinks most people went onto soft drinks. Even that palled. Six hours after leaving the church the family arrived and we were allowed into the dining room. I felt really unwell by this stage.

The families were both farmers. I'm sure they didn't starve in the interim.

We all ate the roast beef from some prize herd listened to the speeches and left as did many other guests. It was only memorable because so badly planned. Six hours with a photographer in a middling hotel off a dual carriageway 🙈

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Slightly off-topic but I think it's incredibly cheap and selfish of the bride and groom to plan weddings where guests are expected to wait around for hours with no food and only alcohol, juice or water to drink. Especially if it involves a church ceremony with the stiff formality, followed by travelling to a different venue. Some weddings we've been to only had standing cocktail tables, no food and nowhere to sit for hours until the bride and groom had finished their family photo shoots or whatever they had to do.

People's common sense seem to fly out the window when planning a day that revolves around themselves. Often the caterers offer a menu with "canapes" but calculated so tight that each guest barely gets one cherry tomato and one mini mozzarella. Luckily we had a wedding planner who was adamant that he does not allow a wedding where guests go a maximum of 2 hours without substantial food. We pushed the ceremony time back and brought the dinner time forward and also insisted on hearty snacks during the reception.

Clafoutie · 05/04/2024 23:31

I just can’t believe the number of posts on here showing such little empathy for the OP. I can only assume people have been fortunate enough never to have felt faint in public before. This happens to me quite a lot ( nothing to do with alcohol) and it is the worst feeling. I completely understand the need not to move for fear of collapsing or throwing up. I can usually avoid those by getting my head down on the floor or a table. Yes, it is embarrassing, but unavoidable. I’m sorry you were made to feel so bad OP, and by so many of these responses.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 23:22

Def not pregnant! Husband is ✂️

OP posts:
Jk8 · 05/04/2024 23:21

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:58

I stayed because I thought (hoped) it would pass quickly, and so I didn’t appear disrespectful at walking out or worse still, passing out and causing a scene….. not because I was nosey?!

clearly this backfired which led to me trying to manage it so badly in my chair.

I got up as quickly as I could, but was doing what I could to feel well enough to get up.

if it’s of any relevance, I laid my forehead on to my forearm. This was prob intermittent with trying to fan myself and breathe deeply, so not typically the behaviour of someone who is rat arsed. And minutes before I had been engaging in normal, civilised conversation - not slurring, heckling and generally behaving hammered.

I didn’t just faceplant the table like I was bored stiff.

Edited
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Sorry but I would still be uncomfortable sharing a table with you in that state & would be incredibly relieved you had a partner their actively trying to move you along or help even if they got fed up & angry in the process

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/04/2024 23:20

If you reacted in a different way to usual, could you be pregnant?

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 23:14

SunsetFire · 05/04/2024 22:20

Same happened to me... We went to a wedding, I think the ceremony was 11am... We attended and there was NO FOOD until 7pm, just alcohol to drink. My husband didn't even eat breakfast. Location out in sticks and nowhere to even buy food.
By time speeches began I came over feeling soooo ill I just had to leave the room and spent rest of day with head down toilet.
Stupid thing was as soon as dinner was over they then did a food buffet! 🙄

That happened to us 11àm wedding, back to the hotel, immediately the families vanished with the photographer. Guests all left in the bar with a small sherry. The hotel bar was cleaned out of crisps, peanuts, etc. after a couple of drinks most people went onto soft drinks. Even that palled. Six hours after leaving the church the family arrived and we were allowed into the dining room. I felt really unwell by this stage.

The families were both farmers. I'm sure they didn't starve in the interim.

We all ate the roast beef from some prize herd listened to the speeches and left as did many other guests. It was only memorable because so badly planned. Six hours with a photographer in a middling hotel off a dual carriageway 🙈

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 23:02

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 23:01

This is what I do too. But we have experience of sudden drops in blood pressure. The first time it happened to me I was around 23 and in a restaurant. I tried to get to the loo and ended up passing out as I walked. Fainted and fell very very dramatically. The whole room stopped.

But hey. At least I didn't put my head on the table

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Gosh, just imagine all the embarrassed mortified people if you did!!!!

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 23:01

Jifmicroliquid · 05/04/2024 18:03

My blood pressure is always on the floor so I do sympathise with OP because when I come
over clammy and faint, if I stood up to leave I’d faint and have a seizure. That said, in these situations I tend to quietly put my bag on the floor and then sort of bend my head down low as if I’m getting something out of my bag. It seems to get the blood back to where it should be.

You can do it quite discreetly and look like you are rummaging for a tissue or something. Little tip for any fainters!

I can see that the head on the table thing probably looked a bit weird.

This is what I do too. But we have experience of sudden drops in blood pressure. The first time it happened to me I was around 23 and in a restaurant. I tried to get to the loo and ended up passing out as I walked. Fainted and fell very very dramatically. The whole room stopped.

But hey. At least I didn't put my head on the table

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 22:55

JMSA · 05/04/2024 16:36

Putting your head on the table is so much worse than leaving.

But so much better than standing up and further exacerbating the problem of low blood pressure causing you to pass out and defecate yourself. Or maybe not. Maybe you think head on table is far worse.

Because that is what happens when you have a catastrophic drop in blood pressure. Clammy, nausea and dizziness. You have to get your head down or you will faint immediately. And sometimes short yourself.

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 22:48

@Howbizarre22

Agreed. Rude & attention seeking & potentially spoiling the speeches and the memories of them. Just get up and leave I’m sure you could’ve managed that. I’m with your DH on this sorry.

You actually have no experience of a sudden drop in blood pressure do you.

You can't just walk out. You would pass out on the way. And it comes on so suddenly that by the time you realise you are in trouble it's too late.
You'd probably accuse her of being an attention seeker for passing out during speeches. 🙄

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 22:43

jannier · 05/04/2024 22:22

I'd be embarrassed by anyone I'm with getting that pissed was he forcing the prosecco down your throat?

Yes like a fois gras goose. Help me.

OP posts:
Hibye23289 · 05/04/2024 22:38

I think he felt like this because obviously everyone else who didn't know you felt ill would think she is drunk and if it was the first time some people have met his partner it would look odd. I know the feeling you mean, dead legs etc. I don't think him being sick has anything to do with your head on the table as hardly anyone seen him.

Howbizarre22 · 05/04/2024 22:37

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

Agreed. Rude & attention seeking & potentially spoiling the speeches and the memories of them. Just get up and leave I’m sure you could’ve managed that. I’m with your DH on this sorry.

Spybot · 05/04/2024 22:34

Just an unfortunate thing to happen. You can't help the fact that you got unwell and I totally understand your not wanting to walk away from the table while you were in a faint. Your husband's reaction was poor. When you feel better, tell him so.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 22:31

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/04/2024 21:40

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

what if you didn’t know it was going to happen though? What if it usually doesn’t happen?

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This is precisely it…. I never would’ve anticipated feeling THAT bad. Been at plenty of weddings, had wished I’d eaten more that morning and then drunk ALOT more and never come over like that.

In all my years of uni and beyond I’ve never even once been sick from alcohol. I’ve never been the one that’s had to be taken home early by friends - I was normally the one doing the taking home, scraping red wine vomit off my friends brand new boots she’d got for Christmas 🤣

wish I could convince some of you lot that I’m not a pathetic lightweight (not that it matters)

granted, the Prosecco was likely a contributing factor, along with late food, a warm room etc.

I’d not even be looking for a bit of an apology from my husband if I thought I was drunk, or had form for doing this kind of thing.

He KNEW I wasn’t drunk…. I told him I felt strange and unwell and faint etc. before it got really bad, so I reached out to him for help but it progressed quicker than I could act upon. So it was the prioritising what other people might think above my wellbeing that upset me.

OP posts:
DietsAreForTheWeak · 05/04/2024 22:28

"was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK! "

You run from that type of person. Respect yourself more. Bin this guy.

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 22:24

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/04/2024 22:14

@FrypanFran

lighten up!

nothing wrong will letting your hair down and having a few drinks! You should try it!

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That sounds to me like a binding agreement to babysit🤞🏻

jannier · 05/04/2024 22:22

I'd be embarrassed by anyone I'm with getting that pissed was he forcing the prosecco down your throat?

SunsetFire · 05/04/2024 22:20

Same happened to me... We went to a wedding, I think the ceremony was 11am... We attended and there was NO FOOD until 7pm, just alcohol to drink. My husband didn't even eat breakfast. Location out in sticks and nowhere to even buy food.
By time speeches began I came over feeling soooo ill I just had to leave the room and spent rest of day with head down toilet.
Stupid thing was as soon as dinner was over they then did a food buffet! 🙄