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Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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hihelenhi · 06/04/2024 13:54

jannier · 06/04/2024 10:13

Most people who are embarrassed would take the offer to remove themselves quietly not insist they want to hear the speech then make a drama in another room you would send you oh to beg some food from staff once you've left the room saying my wife is feeling ill....the op also says she had too much prosecco on an empty stomach a few sips isn't going to do it.
The treatment for fainting is head down feet up not just head down as blood still goes to the feet.
If it is something you know you have a problem with you put a small pack of biscuits in your bag. weddings always run late on food and an 11 am wedding is no food before 3

No drama was made at all, except by the husband, furious that his wife was ill.

Again, such comments are displaying the ignorance of someone who has clearly never experienced it. No, because it comes on extremely suddenly. If you can get out in time, you will, but as other posters on the thread (did you read it?) have said, once you feel faint you're either likely to faint if you try to do that or be sick.

Thankfully, most decent people in the real world have empathy for someone feeling ill rather than being silly and judgemental.

justasking111 · 06/04/2024 10:41

I remember president George Bush suddenly becoming very unwell at a banquet and disappearing under the table. Everyone said that it can happen to anyone.

Princess Diana fainted once too. Everyone had sympathy.

Ignore the IQ deprived on social media .

OneBrightCrow · 06/04/2024 10:35

jannier · 06/04/2024 10:13

Most people who are embarrassed would take the offer to remove themselves quietly not insist they want to hear the speech then make a drama in another room you would send you oh to beg some food from staff once you've left the room saying my wife is feeling ill....the op also says she had too much prosecco on an empty stomach a few sips isn't going to do it.
The treatment for fainting is head down feet up not just head down as blood still goes to the feet.
If it is something you know you have a problem with you put a small pack of biscuits in your bag. weddings always run late on food and an 11 am wedding is no food before 3

My reason for staying at that point was not that I wanted to hear the speeches; it’s that by that point I felt so unwell I couldn’t stand up. It happened very quickly from first onset (and hoping it would pass) to feeling like I was going to pass out.

find it weird how so many people think I stayed out of pure stubbornness 🤣 clearly some of u have never come over unwell VERY suddenly.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 06/04/2024 10:17

Gwenhwyfar · 06/04/2024 09:59

Why would 2 proseccos cause someone to be 'trashed blind' drunk?

Some posters need an abacus 🙄

jannier · 06/04/2024 10:13

hihelenhi · 06/04/2024 01:04

Except she wasn't drunk. She knows in retrospect she hadn't eaten enough, but she wasn't "drunk". You're talking as if she drank a whole bottle of Prosecco, or had been at the bar all day getting drunker and more obnoxious.

If you've never experienced anything like this (I had a phase of my life when I was a frequent fainter, for me it's often a kind of overheating and nearly always with food in my case, but it can happen when you've just not eaten enough), then I seriously suggest you learn a bit of empathy. It's not "attention seeking" either, for those who claim that - it's utterly embarrassing and you usually want the ground to swallow you up. It's a truly unpleasant experience, it tends to come on really suddenly, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Most people who are embarrassed would take the offer to remove themselves quietly not insist they want to hear the speech then make a drama in another room you would send you oh to beg some food from staff once you've left the room saying my wife is feeling ill....the op also says she had too much prosecco on an empty stomach a few sips isn't going to do it.
The treatment for fainting is head down feet up not just head down as blood still goes to the feet.
If it is something you know you have a problem with you put a small pack of biscuits in your bag. weddings always run late on food and an 11 am wedding is no food before 3

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/04/2024 10:09

Gwenhwyfar · 06/04/2024 09:59

Why would 2 proseccos cause someone to be 'trashed blind' drunk?

@Changeusernameseeusernamehistory

lol 2 Proseccos ain’t gonna make anyone trashed
get a grip!

Gwenhwyfar · 06/04/2024 09:59

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 06/04/2024 09:16

Are you sure you weren’t just trashed blind drunk from 2 proseccos?

Why would 2 proseccos cause someone to be 'trashed blind' drunk?

Mothership4two · 06/04/2024 09:48

@mamajong

Ya both a bit u. You, for drinking on an empty stomach

Which OP said didn't happen. She felt ill after 2 glasses of wine and water with a meal.

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 06/04/2024 09:16

MILLYmo0se · 06/04/2024 08:06

Histamine can cause blood pressure to drop/fainting and alcohol contains it, can cause body to produce histamine and block the body breaking it down. Women can develop issues with alcohol/histamine once in peri menopause because are hormones are involved in histamine production and breaking it down
So I never had an issue with fainting nor with alcohol bar the occasional face flushing (problem is you don't know how high your levels are at any time, I could have a few drinks and be fine, or be beaming red or have a headache halfway through my first). I had no reason to think I'd be passing out, and even the first time I'd put it down more to being in a v crowded warm pub. The second time we were nearly the only people in the place so it wasn't that

Are you sure you weren’t just trashed blind drunk from 2 proseccos?

MILLYmo0se · 06/04/2024 08:06

Histamine can cause blood pressure to drop/fainting and alcohol contains it, can cause body to produce histamine and block the body breaking it down. Women can develop issues with alcohol/histamine once in peri menopause because are hormones are involved in histamine production and breaking it down
So I never had an issue with fainting nor with alcohol bar the occasional face flushing (problem is you don't know how high your levels are at any time, I could have a few drinks and be fine, or be beaming red or have a headache halfway through my first). I had no reason to think I'd be passing out, and even the first time I'd put it down more to being in a v crowded warm pub. The second time we were nearly the only people in the place so it wasn't that

ggggggooooo · 06/04/2024 07:46

@jannier
Several people on here experienced the same and ended up no longer drinking as it was too unpredictable and dangerous. It can start after many years of not having a problem.

ggggggooooo · 06/04/2024 07:44

@jannier

How does drinking too much on an empty stomach drop your BP? Isn't it just light headed because you're pissed?
No. And if you'd read more of the thread you would have learned this. I'm amazed how many people seem unaware. It isn't even just on an empty stomach. It can happen anytime.
Contributing factors: people with lower BP as standard, viruses, exhaustion, pregnancy. It it can just happen out of the blue.

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell
Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell
Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell
mamajong · 06/04/2024 07:25

Ya both a bit u. You, for drinking on an empty stomach at an event thats important to him, him for being a bit of a knob about it. Agree to disagree and move on, it's hardly the issue of the century unless it's a pattern of behaviour for either of you

hihelenhi · 06/04/2024 07:20

thatsnotmynamethstsnotmyname · 06/04/2024 07:12

The putting your head on the table was rude. Sitting quietly was not and it's ridiculous he expected you to perform when you weren't feeling well. I'd have said I'll sit here and you enjoy yourself or I'll go home.

OP didn't put her head on the table. She's already said, she just rested her forehead on her forearm. As a guest, if I saw that, I'd be more concerned that someone at my table was unwell than sitting there all purse-lipped judging and going "how rude". And if it was my partner, I'd be worrying about them, not having a go at them.

thatsnotmynamethstsnotmyname · 06/04/2024 07:12

The putting your head on the table was rude. Sitting quietly was not and it's ridiculous he expected you to perform when you weren't feeling well. I'd have said I'll sit here and you enjoy yourself or I'll go home.

DahliaRose3 · 06/04/2024 05:26

Honestly if my dp or a friend did that I’d be concerned they were quite unwell as they all know how to act in public. I can understand embarrassment but not the lack of sympathy or concern for your well being. It’s not on.

He should have put his hand on your back and whispered in your ear, are you okay my love?

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 06/04/2024 05:06

@Mothership4two your experience is exactly how I imagine most people would react. Concern from those near by and everyone else not even noticing. I hope your story makes OP feel a bit better about what happened and to see she really did nothing wrong.

Mothership4two · 06/04/2024 04:40

I agree @Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman and as I said upthread I was sat at a table at a wedding when one of the guests did this - she out of the blue had a severe migraine. No-one was embarrassed and most people at the tables around her (who were aware) tried to help her - most guests didn't notice. I think B&G were blissfully unaware. People were kind not judgemental.

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 06/04/2024 03:42

Slobberchops1 · 05/04/2024 20:25

well your behaviour was a bit embarrassing, putting your head on the table ??

Why be embarrassed it’s hardly crime of the year? I really don’t see that OP did anything wrong.

I do genuinely wonder why this was so embarrassing to people? Even the if she had been drunk why would anyone else care?

it is a wedding surely the focus is on the bride and groom.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 06/04/2024 03:35

Those who are saying they would be embarrassed are as bad as her husband. She did not want to faint while trying to walk out during the speeches so quietly put her head down for a few minutes. Could he not just go off with his friends for a bit and let her have time to recover.
Why was he been such an arsehole, more worried about others than about her. A wedding is a really long day and an early start and by the time you get to eat everyone starving or the hunger goes off of you. I really hope you do not let him gaslight you on this as you did nothing wrong just unwell.

starray · 06/04/2024 01:33

So many with no empathy. Your husband included.

LaraCooper · 06/04/2024 01:10

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

This.

hihelenhi · 06/04/2024 01:04

jannier · 06/04/2024 00:41

But you are aware your getting drunk you stop and have non alcoholic

Except she wasn't drunk. She knows in retrospect she hadn't eaten enough, but she wasn't "drunk". You're talking as if she drank a whole bottle of Prosecco, or had been at the bar all day getting drunker and more obnoxious.

If you've never experienced anything like this (I had a phase of my life when I was a frequent fainter, for me it's often a kind of overheating and nearly always with food in my case, but it can happen when you've just not eaten enough), then I seriously suggest you learn a bit of empathy. It's not "attention seeking" either, for those who claim that - it's utterly embarrassing and you usually want the ground to swallow you up. It's a truly unpleasant experience, it tends to come on really suddenly, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

jannier · 06/04/2024 00:41

justasking111 · 06/04/2024 00:04

"Alcohol intolerance - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic" https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-intolerance/symptoms-causes/syc-20369211

According to Mayo clinic it can

Prosecco is nasty stuff partly due to the bubbles speeding up feeling drunk, damage to teeth. I can't tolerate it

But you are aware your getting drunk you stop and have non alcoholic

Howdidtheydothat · 06/04/2024 00:24

I think my dp would have been annoyed but well aware that it was out of character. And therefore concerned. I Would expect him to see me home (on a taxi or to hotel) and the he would rejoin the party as it is with his old time friends. He could easily have made excuses for your departure.
If you thought that you would chunder or faint if you left the table during speeches , head on table was the only option but it does look rude /bizarre and it was alcohol induced /exacerbated so should be embarrassing for both of you. However wedding days can be long with unpredictable gaps in food/refreshments. Top tip..carry snacks in your handbag or car. Your husbands comments were “off” unless you have form for similar behaviour in the company of his friends