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Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2024 11:31

I would’ve been embarrassed by this too. Not saying it’s your fault, or that your DH was reasonable. He was a dick and it’s indefensible. But yes, in front of friends on a wedding day I would be irrationally annoyed to be saddled with a fainter who couldn’t handle a couple of prossecos.

Citrusandginger · 05/04/2024 11:29

If the situation were reversed; it was your friend's wedding, your DH had drunk too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table at dinner, would you honestly be OK with it?

KezzaMucklowe · 05/04/2024 11:29

putting Your head down on a table because your r had too much Prosecco on an empty stomach at a wedding is a bit off tbh.
He possibly didn’t want to leave you because you said that you felt like passing out / being sick.

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

acatcalledjohn · 05/04/2024 11:26

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

The OP clearly suggests that stealth wasn't guaranteed, with a risk of collapse.

That would have been far more disruptive.

OP, your "D"P was a dick.

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:26

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

I agree it would look odd and In hindsight I wish I’d left when I first felt unwell, but I didn’t want to miss the speeches and thought it would pass after a minute or so…. But I just started to feel worse to the point that I was worried about getting up.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2024 11:24

He probably felt that you had embarrassed him by getting drunk in front of your friends. Whilst you say you were drunk, you do blame on it on drinking on an empty stomach.

Lyra87 · 05/04/2024 11:23

Definitely nbu. You weren't asking to leave or making a fuss, you told him to rejoin his friends so he had no reason to be annoyed. Not great behaviour on his part.

Flivequacle · 05/04/2024 11:22

Is he always such a twat?

Or do you have frequent previous for this behaviour?

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Sapphire387 · 05/04/2024 11:21

I can see why you feel hurt. It's not just about the head on table - he sounds like he didn't actually believe you were feeling unwell. There seems to be an element of treating you as an accessory - 'we need to present ourselves well as a couple'.

I do think you should have tried to leave the room rather than put your head on the table... or perhaps leaned on him instead? But it's not a big deal. I hope you are feeling better now.