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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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Bigcoatweather · 05/04/2024 12:15

I’d be mortified if my partner felt ill through drink and put their head down on the table - to me that’s drawing more attention than wobbling out of the room. People get sick, that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and neither is fainting. But head in the table rather than taking yourself out for some air is strange. I’d have just sat with my eyes closed.
FWIW I’d be feeling plastered on 2 glasses of Prosecco - affects me more than hard spirits.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 05/04/2024 12:15

WalkingonWheels · 05/04/2024 11:57

You'd be embarrassed and pissed off if the person you love was so unwell they felt like they'd collapse, so they tried to stop it?

Your poor partner 😔

Show quote history

Lol at 'unwell'.

She may have been 'unwell' but that was due to being drunk and that is embarrassing.

BeauSignoles · 05/04/2024 12:14

This genuinely just happened to my friend a couple of hours ago in the pub (I'm downunder). She drank a pint of cider (slowly, with food), then suddenly came over dizzy and clammy. She was sweating and as white as a sheet. I tried to get her to go outside but she couldn't move, said she'd fall down or vomit. She could only put her head on the table and tried to wait it out. lots of people tried to help and she was mortified - if she could've fled she would've!

Hope that helps back up your account that you weren't being a drama queen OP! It was scary to watch, I hope you're ok. And your DH is a twat.

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 12:14

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

Getting up, collapsing and potentially soiling oneself due to passing out would be slightly more disruptive though don't you think?

Hankunamatata · 05/04/2024 12:12

I would have been totally mortified if my dh put his head on table during the speeches. You looked either rude or drunk.

splashofcolour · 05/04/2024 12:10

I don't think this is enough of an issue to argue over tbh

Tessisme · 05/04/2024 12:10

What I thought would depend on who the incapacitated person was. My family, for example, although mad as a box of frogs in many ways, are pretty stoical when it comes to illness. So if one of them put their head down on the table during the wedding speeches, I would be concerned for their wellbeing, as it would be out of character. DP's family, on the other hand, are given to the old amateur dramatics and if one of them put their head down on the table, however quietly, I would be suspicious that they very much wanted to draw attention to themselves and inwardly think 'oh FFS'. Then I'd feel guilty if they were subsequently carted off in an ambulance.

NoTouch · 05/04/2024 12:08

Was it headdesk or cheek on the table?

I can see lowering your head into a hand with your elbow on the table/your knee if feeling dizzy until it passed, but head on the table and asking to be left like that for a few minutes is a unusual reaction.

fieldsofbutterflies · 05/04/2024 12:08

It's really easy for people to say "you should have done X" but when you don't feel well, it's damn near impossible to behave perfectly sensibly and rationally. I also think putting your head down was probably the right thing to do to stop you from fainting or worse.

However I do think that if my DH had drunk too much at my friend's wedding and needed to lie down, I would have been absolutely mortified so I can understand his behaviour too.

Mnk711 · 05/04/2024 12:07

Could you not have put your head between your legs if you were feeling faint which would have helped you feel better and also you'd have been a bit more hidden? I'd have been embarrassed too as your DP. But understand you feeling hurt he didn't seem to believe you were ill. How did you get there, could you have had a lie down for half an hour in the car?

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 12:07

Yanbu. He should have covered your head with a fancy napkin. Or quietly placed the centerpiece by your forehead so none were the wiser

ParsonsPont · 05/04/2024 12:06

You felt unwell because you had too much to drink on an empty stomach. You might not have been drunk but it was self inflicted and if DH acted like that because of alcohol in front of my friends, I would be similarly embarrassed and annoyed.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 05/04/2024 12:05

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

But what if that meant fainting? I mean it’s a bit 😳 (it’s a bit embarrassing isn’t it!) but what can you do. Only if he could carry her could she get up and boy would that be a scene! Or she could’ve hurled everywhere. I’d rather a head down on the table than that!

It was probably the bubbles OP.

I’d be mortified too, but it’s done and dusted now. Over.

Claloulat · 05/04/2024 12:04

5128gap · 05/04/2024 11:52

Putting your head on the table during the speeches is embarrassing behaviour OP as it's the sort of socially unacceptable thing people do when drunk, not when they're ill. You'd have drawn far less attention quietly asking your H to help you outside that acting in a noticeably odd way, so in his shoes I'd have felt embarrassed. After that I think I'd have either taken you home or if you felt happy alone booked you a taxi. I think it ended up the worst of all worlds with you enduring the event and his friends thinking you were drunk/odd so I'd be frustrated if I were him. I'm probably biased though after one to many events of my own ruined by a partner who despite being an adult never quite seemed to grasp that alcohol had an effect.

Have you ever passed out? It isn't something you can control. OP couldn't have politely excused herself to go faint in a convenient place.

I was at an outdoor event once and passed out. I could feel it coming and tried everything to stop it. Taking deep breaths, leaving over the pram I was pushing, looking for a place to sit down. I did not want to embarrass myself by causing a scene. Then my legs gave way and my husband held me up, reassuring me while event staff rushed over with a wheelchair. Thankfully he was concerned about me and wasn't angry that I took unwell in public.

I doubt 2 tiny glasses of prosecco likely spaced out would cause that level of unwellness. It must have been scary for OP and now she knows how little her husband cares about her wellbeing.

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 12:03

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 11:43

Prosecco can have strange effects. I don't drink it often, but sometimes I'm absolutely fine on a few and sometimes just one goes straight to my head and makes me feel woozy and sick. I can totally see this happening to me and I would have done exactly what OP did for minimum disruption to the speeches, kicking myself while I did it of course. If I had a DH making me feel even worse and more embarrassed I wouldn't be impressed.

But no one is 'drunk' on 2 proseccos so posters need to stop being so sanctimonious.

Actually I would be.

I can't handle my alcohol at all and would be all over the place after 2 Proseccos.

PotatoPudding · 05/04/2024 12:03

Citrusandginger · 05/04/2024 11:29

If the situation were reversed; it was your friend's wedding, your DH had drunk too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table at dinner, would you honestly be OK with it?

This!

HelloMiss · 05/04/2024 12:03

Tabloids will enjoy picking up this one!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/04/2024 12:02

I bet everyone excusing the OP would be the first to line up and say LTB if the situation was reversed. Or if he had stayed at the wedding all night whilst she was in the room the he must be taking cocaine because of course in the world of MN out for more than an hour or two is only sustainable with drugs.

Februaryfeels · 05/04/2024 12:01

@WalkingonWheels Yep. I would be embarrassed at the head on the table.

Poor partner my arse 🤣🤣

portocristo · 05/04/2024 12:00

Your not pregnant are you, I felt like this at one of my husbands work do,s and 9 months later 🙄

LenaLamont · 05/04/2024 12:00

You drank early in the day in an empty stomach and came over all funny.

Of course you embarrassed him by putting your head on the table during a wedding meal. If you can’t hold your booze, don’t drink.

The voting would look very different if you were honest in the thread title the voting would be very different.

PrimalOwl10 · 05/04/2024 12:00

I agree with the other posters I wouldn't be happy if my parent did that. If the sexes were reversed you defintely have been told you were yabu you were pissed and didn't eat.

BMW6 · 05/04/2024 11:59

Christ I'd be mortified if my DH put his head down onto the table during wedding speeches!

As I'm absolutely certain 99% of people would.

KezzaMucklowe · 05/04/2024 11:59

WalkingonWheels · 05/04/2024 11:57

You'd be embarrassed and pissed off if the person you love was so unwell they felt like they'd collapse, so they tried to stop it?

Your poor partner 😔

Show quote history

Grin Yes, the poor partner. Let’s all pray for them. In a circle.

SallyWD · 05/04/2024 11:59

I can see both sides really. You being scared to stand up and leave (and it would also have looked rude) and him being embarrassed by this rather bizarre behaviour.
I think my DH would have been both embarrassed and concerned and would probably have been fussing over me.
You say he should have home to hang out with his friends but in reality you'd probably have been annoyed by his lack of concern.

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