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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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20
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 07/04/2024 18:45

@StarlightLime
'I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos'

Literally says it in her OP.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 07/04/2024 18:44

@LuckySantangelo35

Come on, having more than one drink on an empty stomach is asking for trouble.

justasking111 · 07/04/2024 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ggggggooooo · 07/04/2024 15:52

Mirabai · 07/04/2024 10:30

My reading is that OP just drank more the she admits to and that’s why DH was embarrassed. If she had put that in the OP she would have been pilloried.

Well you can merrily carry on imagining all sorts of things but it is a rather peculiar thing to do.

StarlightLime · 07/04/2024 15:40

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2024 10:08

You shouldn’t drink ever again op

it’s uncouth and not lady like and embarrassing

according to some on here

I thought we'd established it was nothing to do with the drink? That's what op insists, anyway, so why keep throwing digs like that?

MadMadaMim · 07/04/2024 12:37

NU to feel hurt
VU to put your head on the table. Also a little rude for the others eating off that table. And most of ouod assume you had drank too much

Mothership4two · 07/04/2024 10:44

Mirabai · 07/04/2024 10:30

My reading is that OP just drank more the she admits to and that’s why DH was embarrassed. If she had put that in the OP she would have been pilloried.

Well that's fine that that is your take on it, but it is not what OP clearly and in detail actually said.

Mothership4two · 07/04/2024 10:42

This happened at an English wedding I went to @LaDamaDeElche and those guests that noticed were concerned and no-one was embarrassed - B&G weren't aware. I think some posters just overthink the situation when in reality it wouldn't be a big deal.

Not surprised other countries see England as quirky!

Mirabai · 07/04/2024 10:30

My reading is that OP just drank more the she admits to and that’s why DH was embarrassed. If she had put that in the OP she would have been pilloried.

Mirabai · 07/04/2024 10:29

ASGIRC · 06/04/2024 22:16

She wasnt. Her BP tanked. If shed gotten up and tried to leave, there is a very good chance she would have fainted, which would have been a lot more dramatic than putting her head down on the table.

Show quote history

If your BP is low putting your head on the table won’t do anything. You need to put your head between your knees, I think everyone knows that.

Magicmonday24 · 07/04/2024 10:15

Maybe ask him and have a conversation where both of you are willing to listen and discuss instead of coming to a forum of strangers who don’t know your husbands intentions or the ins and outs of your relationship.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2024 10:08

You shouldn’t drink ever again op

it’s uncouth and not lady like and embarrassing

according to some on here

LaDamaDeElche · 07/04/2024 09:49

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 08:43

You were between a rock and a hard place. It’s easy with hindsight to say what you and DH should have done. Head on table is rude, better to keep very still. Then escape as soon as possible to the bathroom. DH was rude ordering you around. I would have sat somewhere quiet on the edge of the floor.

Are people really that precious at weddings that they would think someone was rude for being ill and putting their head on the table. Surely the normal thing would be to be concerned about your guest? If I were the bride that would be my first reaction. If I misunderstood and thought they were drunk I would probably find that amusing and as long as they weren't making a spectacle of themselves and ruining the day, it wouldn't be a problem. If I misunderstood and thought they were bored and actually being rude it would be annoying, until the situation was explained to me then it would be fine. People can't help it when they feel ill and any normal person would understand the situation and not give it a second thought.

inappropriateraspberry · 07/04/2024 09:23

I doubt very much that the bride, groom and other guests would have even noticed someone sat resting their head on the table during speeches. I'm sure there was much worse behaviour from people that were actually drunk!

BethsMummie · 07/04/2024 09:12

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 11:34

I would have been really embarrassed by you putting your head down on the table too. You should have just left at the first sign of feeling unwell, why try and listen to the speeches if you feel that unwell?

How would you have felt if he had put his head on the table?

I’ve been unwell at a wedding and had to put my head down on the table as the room was spinning & I randomly started shivering. I think when you’re on the outside looking in, with no context it looks rude but when you’re in the situation you can’t help it , you can’t get up , you just want to be okay. my friends came to check on me , didn’t make a scene and when I was okay to start walking again I went to sit in the car .

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 08:43

You were between a rock and a hard place. It’s easy with hindsight to say what you and DH should have done. Head on table is rude, better to keep very still. Then escape as soon as possible to the bathroom. DH was rude ordering you around. I would have sat somewhere quiet on the edge of the floor.

Heyhoitsme · 07/04/2024 08:33

Putting your head on the table made you look very drunk. I can see why he was mortified.

grinandslothit · 07/04/2024 06:52

Your H was calling attention to it much more than you were with your head on the table.

You were likely dehyrated and your blood pressure or blood sugar dropped.

I've had this before and no you really can't just get up and walk like that or you'll end up passed out on the floor. It's happened to me.

Sweden99 · 07/04/2024 06:28

Despite the MN narative, the husband is behaving childishly and I suspect those would have been outraged if their own husbands had acted like that. Caring for your wife is still expected and the note to the bride is disgraceful.

K0OLA1D · 07/04/2024 02:36

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2024 21:40

If my partner had put their head on the table during wedding speeches at a wedding that was my friend’s / family’s I would struggle to even look at you again, let alone speak to you again. Leave discreetly, ask me to take you out, anything. Just don’t make show of me like that. Just awful.

You sound swell

Dibbydoos · 07/04/2024 02:20

OMG I can't believe what people get embarrassed about! He should have been concerned not embarrassed, what a twit!

It clearly wasn't prosecco that got to you @OneBrightCrow because it lasted far too long so everyone stop with the too much to drink comments too.

I hope he isn't like this all the time. Putting your head down when you're ill is a normal action. If he'd put his arm around you it would have been obvious you were poorly to anyone who saw you....

fliptopbin · 06/04/2024 23:19

I haven't read all the replies, but sudden intolerance of alcohol plus nausea and dizziness out of the blue -they were the first signs I had of pregnancy. I know you said your husband hashad the snip, but they have been known to fail.

justasking111 · 06/04/2024 23:13

OneBrightCrow · 06/04/2024 22:52

Epidural/prosecco

potato/potahto

(and congrats! 👶🏻)

Edited
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🍋

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 06/04/2024 22:52

ASGIRC · 06/04/2024 22:33

Honestly, it sounds like most posters have never had a sudden drop of blood pressure.

And how awful it feels.

I had a c-section 2 weeks ago, and one of the side effects of the epidural was BP drops. Near enough an hour of it! And I was already lying down, not even able to move (because - epidural!!). Wasnt able to hold my baby for that period, as I was soooo out of it.

Im sure most posters would judge me for not being able to hold my baby, because clearly, I should have been able to control myself and not feel "unwell"🙄

Show quote history

Epidural/prosecco

potato/potahto

(and congrats! 👶🏻)

OP posts:
justasking111 · 06/04/2024 22:51

Low BP has been an issue for me always. When I do my floor exercises sometimes I have to be very careful how I turn. In the morning lying in bed I get dizzy sometimes and have to lie still until it passes. Horrible feeling.

My GP once took my blood pressure sitting down and then standing. It dropped to 86 40.