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Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 05/04/2024 15:33

Well you would have looked pissed by putting your head on the table. How embarrassing for you both.

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:31

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 15:28

Hold on a minute is that true? I've always been taught a couple is 2, a few is 3, and after that is several

You're right, but lots of people say a "couple" when they actually just mean a few, not literally two.
Op hasn't explicitly said two.

stayathomer · 05/04/2024 15:31

Think people just get stressed by these occasions- trying to keep up appearances. You were arguing with him when you had your head down, he should have let you be and just explained to people. I don’t agree he was being a dick, you were probably both arguing at each other, also I wouldn’t take it that he was attacking you, you said you were disappointed in him, of course he’d argue back! (Well I would anyway!)

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/04/2024 15:31

Citrusandginger · 05/04/2024 11:29

If the situation were reversed; it was your friend's wedding, your DH had drunk too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table at dinner, would you honestly be OK with it?

I was about to post the same, I'd be really pissed off if my dh did that.

Bellsandthistle · 05/04/2024 15:30

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:00

Well I had a glass of cider 2 days ago, so according to people on this thread I must be trollied.

I just asked why you assumed that the op wasn't disabled? Do people needs to state their ablebodiedness when they post now? I AM disabled, so have been known to have to sit on steps, peoples garden walls, put my head down on tables etc. A lot.

Why that has been taken so badly by you, who knows.

Surely this would have been mentioned in the original post, or it would be the mother of all drip feeds 😂

hotwheelshell · 05/04/2024 15:30

Even if OP wasn't drunk, she would have looked absolutely slaughtered to anyone watching

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:29

I have no doubt whatsoever that the OP had those two glasses of Prosecco on an empty stomach, then drank wine with her meal.

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 15:28

User356432 · 05/04/2024 15:00

I'm rereading all of OP's posts and cannot find any indication of "two". She said "a couple" which is widely understood to mean anywhere between 2-4, usually 3.

Regardless of that, unless you're a total alcoholic, two Proseccos on an empty stomach is a significant amount of alcohol for any adult and you will be feeling the effects.

Hold on a minute is that true? I've always been taught a couple is 2, a few is 3, and after that is several

Ticktapticktap · 05/04/2024 15:26

It sounds like you had symptoms from a combination of stress, no sleep and little water. I don't think what you experienced was anything to do with the prosecco.

And then his reaction to you later in the day hints that it probably was a stressful build up of his expectations of you making a good impression.

The head on the table is weird but I do get it, sometimes the fear of puking or passing out in front of 100 people is very real!

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 15:24

I think the OP has long gone

Shabnamsshoos · 05/04/2024 15:24

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Your title is totally misleading. Your husband wasn't upset that you were ill. He was mortified that you had your head on the table like a toddler. He's probably assuming that the other guests thought you were wasted, and he'd be right.

yeah it must’ve looked a bit childish lol I’d have been embarrassed! And annoyed.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:22

Lol, it's all kicking off.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:21

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Get a life, seriously.

I've got one, seriously.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:20

Oriunda · 05/04/2024 15:18

She wasn’t ill. She’d had too much to drink on an empty stomach. Big difference.

Her stomach wasn't empty when she felt ill! Even bigger difference.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:18

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Why are people repeating this?
And why are you grilling the OP on exactly how much she drank?

I can't imagine anyone I know (or at least anyone I know/like/who I have any respect for), IF (big if) they spotted someone laying their head on the table at a wedding, thinking they looked like a toddler/being mortally offended/demanding to know how many units of what they'd had to drink.
If I anyone in my world even noticed, our only reaction would be along the lines of thinking 'I'll go and see if she's OK in a bit.'

Exactly.

When it's happened to me I've been asked if I'm OK. If I need anything, wafted with a menu.

Mumsnet land = gasps, pearl clutching, judemental madness.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/04/2024 15:18

No chance you could be pregnant? I was very like this in the first few weeks of pregnancy...

Your dh was not helpful though.

Oriunda · 05/04/2024 15:18

pootlin · 05/04/2024 11:37

Exactly.

It seems people just expect women to bear illness and pain to the point of putting everyone else's feelings ahead of their own.

She wasn’t ill. She’d had too much to drink on an empty stomach. Big difference.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:14

In the middle of the wedding speeches. Mortifying.

Get a life, seriously.

MarkWithaC · 05/04/2024 15:17

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

Why are people repeating this?
And why are you grilling the OP on exactly how much she drank?

I can't imagine anyone I know (or at least anyone I know/like/who I have any respect for), IF (big if) they spotted someone laying their head on the table at a wedding, thinking they looked like a toddler/being mortally offended/demanding to know how many units of what they'd had to drink.
If I anyone in my world even noticed, our only reaction would be along the lines of thinking 'I'll go and see if she's OK in a bit.'

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 15:15

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

Or like someone who felt like she was going to faint. Jesus christ.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:14

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Like a toddler.

In the middle of the wedding speeches. Mortifying.

Wornoutlady · 05/04/2024 15:14

I have to say, I've probably done similar. You felt unwell because you drank booze on an empty stomach, not because you were coming down with something or recovering from something like an actual illness/virus etc. Putting your head on the table probably looked a bit rude and would have embarrassed a lot of people, as its not really "wedding decorum", except at the end of course, when everyone is too pissed to care.

StarlightLime · 05/04/2024 15:14

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

She didn't though. She put her head on the table.

Like a toddler.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

tearsintherain · 05/04/2024 15:08

What do you do when you feel dizzy?

I suffer with frequent dizzy spells due to a health condition, and I know how unpleasant it feels.
OP was probably scared to stand for fear of crashing to the ground.
Sometimes it just helps to put your head in your hands until the feeling passes.

She didn't though. She put her head on the table.

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:13

User356432 · 05/04/2024 15:05

Good point. I've never heard of a wedding menu not offering wine with the starter and mains. The Prosecco was probably accompaniment for the cake.

Maybe OP refused wine because she was already feeling ill but it would be odd why she could eat two courses.

She says she had the Prosecco on an empty stomach. So before the meal.

OP, did you drink during the meal?