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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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20
Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 16:44

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 16:37

I didn’t mention that as I don’t think it had any relevance to his behaviour earlier in the evening.

he wasn’t particularly sheepish no! I guess he didn’t consider it embarrassing as it was just us And his best friend in the taxi.

Thanks to some for your compassion and validation of my feelings, and to others for helping me see a balanced view of this - although I think some people have dramatised the event or think I’ve been dishonest (which I really haven’t, I’ve tried to be as accurate as possible) I do appreciate that perhaps he was concerned that people would think I was drunk.

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Well if he brings it up again point out that he's a taxi driver's worst nightmare. Throwing up on his own shoes indeed Hmm

My dad was a taxi driver and hated passengers like your DH, throwing up at the side of the road or not.

Cringe.

HanaJane · 05/04/2024 16:44

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

Not if she thought she was would faint if she stood up, that would have caused a lot more of a scene

ZoeCM · 05/04/2024 16:41

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 16:15

Of course the drink was relevant. Alcohol is what causes the catastrophic drop in blood pressure. That still doesn't mean she was drunk in fact this sort of drop in blood pressure can occur with half a glass. . But you seem determined to believe she was paralytic drunk and it's all her fault. Why? Why are you so keen to talk this stance in the face of several people saying this has happened to them and the links I have posted about the condition.

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I think you're confusing me with another poster. I've made literally one post, saying that it's entirely possible OP was genuinely sick, but the likeliest explanation is that she'd just had a bit too much to drink. I certainly didn't say she was paralytic, nor am I "determined" to prove she was. I also said both sides are overreacting and this really isn't a big deal.

AuntieJoyce · 05/04/2024 16:41

KezzaMucklowe · 05/04/2024 11:59

Grin Yes, the poor partner. Let’s all pray for them. In a circle.

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This has tickled me Grin

Gwenhwyfar · 05/04/2024 16:40

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

It's a bit odd, but it's not really rude, is it?

Mummame2222 · 05/04/2024 16:39

Yeah I would be so embarrassed if I were him. It all sounds a bit dramatic.

HurryupHenry · 05/04/2024 16:39

I agree that it was rude of you to sit with your head on the table. I would have thought that you were attention seeking.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:37

JMSA · 05/04/2024 16:36

Putting your head on the table is so much worse than leaving.

And potentially fainting and causing a scene and also probably injuring yourself? Don't be soft

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 16:37

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 16:15

for the record, we had to pull over on the Taxi drive home for my husband to vomit on the side of the road (and his shoes/suit trousers) but I didn’t make him feel bad for this.

And the award for most epic of all drip feeds goes to...!

Seriously, why only mention this now? Was he not in the least bit sheepish!?

I didn’t mention that as I don’t think it had any relevance to his behaviour earlier in the evening.

he wasn’t particularly sheepish no! I guess he didn’t consider it embarrassing as it was just us And his best friend in the taxi.

Thanks to some for your compassion and validation of my feelings, and to others for helping me see a balanced view of this - although I think some people have dramatised the event or think I’ve been dishonest (which I really haven’t, I’ve tried to be as accurate as possible) I do appreciate that perhaps he was concerned that people would think I was drunk.

OP posts:
splashofcolour · 05/04/2024 16:36

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 16:26

I must be really strange, because other people being embarrassed on my behalf is something I give no fucks about. In the OP's shoes, I would give no fucks about my DH being embarrassed about me feeling faint, and I certainly wouldn't care about judgy strangers on the internet judging me. Firmly a 'them' problem IMO and usually points to low self esteem on their part.

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Tbf, I think that is a little strange because I really love and value my husbands good opinion, so if I did something to upset him I'd mind.

However, I do think this is way out of proportion. Someone was ill at my wedding so I put her in my bed. No probs

JMSA · 05/04/2024 16:36

Putting your head on the table is so much worse than leaving.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:33

AliceMcK · 05/04/2024 16:31

A lot of people blaming you for having Prosecco on an empty stomach. It’s sounds more than that if it continued. You don’t get those symptoms just because of a bit of fizz on an empty stomach.

This type of thing happens to me, always has even as a child and can happen in any situation. I have health issues which exacerbates these type of things. The last time it happened wasn’t that long ago. I’d had a couple of glasses of Prosecco too and not eaten. Lunch was served and I thought I’d feel better afterwards but I got worse to the point I would have put my head on the table if I could, my DH wasn’t next to me otherwise I would have led into him. Instead I started to make a move to get up shaking but had to make others move to get out, I said quietly to an in-laws I wasn’t feeling well, they shuffled others out of my way and held my arm until I got somewhere I could lie down, next room with a sofa, if it had been envy further I’d have been gone. Everyone continued chatting ignoring me not making a fuss. No one was upset. Eventually after some water and quiet time it passed, as it dose and I was back at the table with Prosecco about 45 mins later. Still not 100% but enough for me to have a glass of fizz and see the day out.

Head on the table would be a situational thing for me. Because I’m use to this happening I can gauge if I’m going to go quickly or not. I think my first choice would be like my head on DHs shoulder or say I need to to leave with me as I think I’m going to faint. But my DH is extremely supportive and knows my signs too. He’d never ever be embarrassed to help me.

No decent person would. Or judge you for feeling off.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:32

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 05/04/2024 16:30

Watch your language kid.

You completely forgot sp was with DH. WTH should I ask her if she wants a "glass of water."??

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My language is quite OK as it is.

Because her husband was being a knob? And it would have been the decent thing to do?

AliceMcK · 05/04/2024 16:31

A lot of people blaming you for having Prosecco on an empty stomach. It’s sounds more than that if it continued. You don’t get those symptoms just because of a bit of fizz on an empty stomach.

This type of thing happens to me, always has even as a child and can happen in any situation. I have health issues which exacerbates these type of things. The last time it happened wasn’t that long ago. I’d had a couple of glasses of Prosecco too and not eaten. Lunch was served and I thought I’d feel better afterwards but I got worse to the point I would have put my head on the table if I could, my DH wasn’t next to me otherwise I would have led into him. Instead I started to make a move to get up shaking but had to make others move to get out, I said quietly to an in-laws I wasn’t feeling well, they shuffled others out of my way and held my arm until I got somewhere I could lie down, next room with a sofa, if it had been envy further I’d have been gone. Everyone continued chatting ignoring me not making a fuss. No one was upset. Eventually after some water and quiet time it passed, as it dose and I was back at the table with Prosecco about 45 mins later. Still not 100% but enough for me to have a glass of fizz and see the day out.

Head on the table would be a situational thing for me. Because I’m use to this happening I can gauge if I’m going to go quickly or not. I think my first choice would be like my head on DHs shoulder or say I need to to leave with me as I think I’m going to faint. But my DH is extremely supportive and knows my signs too. He’d never ever be embarrassed to help me.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 05/04/2024 16:30

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:26

That they weren't feeling the best? That they could probably do with a glass of water? Fucking hell.

Edited
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Watch your language kid.

You completely forgot sp was with DH. WTH should I ask her if she wants a "glass of water."??

hotwheelshell · 05/04/2024 16:30

You mean like people having a diabetic episode or with cerebral palsy. They look drunk. Do you find them embarrassing too?

It's a wedding. Most likely conclusion that people would jump to is overconsumption

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 16:30

Geebray · 05/04/2024 15:00

Wait a minute. Bit of a drip feed.

Did you have any wine with your meal?

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No, I’d brought my Prosecco to the table. I don’t mind Prosecco but don’t do well with non fizzy wine (I have psoriasis which flares if I have too much wine), so I just had the remainder of my Prosecco for the meal, and some water.

OP posts:
hotwheelshell · 05/04/2024 16:28

ggggggooooo · 05/04/2024 16:17

@hotwheelshell

She surely should know not to drink at all then!
no. Because it can be fine fir years and then suddenly not fine. It cam happen once or it could happen all the time now .

I was relying to a poster who said she knows she's can't drink and that perhaps OP was the same and that was her excuse.

Magnastorm · 05/04/2024 16:28

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 05/04/2024 16:24

I totally agree
In hindsight, I guess the OP would have been better of asking her DH to help her to the outside.

If I saw someone with their head flat on a table, what am I supposed to conclude?

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If you were a reasonable person, you'd conclude "oh, hope that person is ok".

But apparently lots on here would think it mortifying, which is fucking laughable by any normal standard.

NoraBattysCurlers · 05/04/2024 16:28

Your husband should not have acted the way he did.

In saying this, the thread should be re-titled "Two drunks at wedding had fight".

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:27

PollyPut · 05/04/2024 16:26

You got a bit drunk on an empty stomach; he was embarrassed. I'd stop expecting him to apologise to you and try to forget about the whole thing

Edited

Maybe read the ops posts

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:27

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 16:26

I must be really strange, because other people being embarrassed on my behalf is something I give no fucks about. In the OP's shoes, I would give no fucks about my DH being embarrassed about me feeling faint, and I certainly wouldn't care about judgy strangers on the internet judging me. Firmly a 'them' problem IMO and usually points to low self esteem on their part.

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Mad isn't it. I have a 'do' frequently. I'd just be walking around embarrassed all the time.

PollyPut · 05/04/2024 16:26

You got a bit drunk on an empty stomach; he was embarrassed. I'd stop expecting him to apologise to you and try to forget about the whole thing

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 16:26

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:21

Op probably assumed she'd be answered by normal everyday people who have a bit of empathy for someone not feeling too good. But no, she's been jumped on by the 'I only sniff a sherry' at Christmas brigade, who apparently think someone putting their head on a table feeling dizzy, is the height of embarrassing things a person could do

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I must be really strange, because other people being embarrassed on my behalf is something I give no fucks about. In the OP's shoes, I would give no fucks about my DH being embarrassed about me feeling faint, and I certainly wouldn't care about judgy strangers on the internet judging me. Firmly a 'them' problem IMO and usually points to low self esteem on their part.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 16:26

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 05/04/2024 16:24

I totally agree
In hindsight, I guess the OP would have been better of asking her DH to help her to the outside.

If I saw someone with their head flat on a table, what am I supposed to conclude?

Show quote history

That they weren't feeling the best? That they could probably do with a glass of water? Fucking hell.