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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
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K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:36

Scotcheggz · 05/04/2024 17:24

I’d be mortified if my partner put his head on the table like that, on front of my old friends

Gasp. Clutches bosom. The total shame!!!

Sweetheart7 · 05/04/2024 17:35

The thing is OP you knew why you felt unwell because you needed to eat! Why didn't you go and grab something? lt does sound like drunken behaviour

ginasevern · 05/04/2024 17:32

I expect he'd been really looking forward to this event. A chance to meet up with old mates, lots of lovely food and booze and a chance (the first chance?) to introduce you to everyone. We all get pissed off when a special occasion is ruined, even if we don't show it. I would be embarrassed if you put your head on the table with loads of other people around. If it was the first time you'd met his friends it would have been even more embarrassing and most people would naturally assume you were drunk.

I'm afraid we're all victims sometimes of caring about appearances and, to be fair, this was probably an expensive wedding. Your DH was all pumped about it and it all went wrong. Unless he's guilty of arsey behaviour all the time, I'd cut him some slack.

mollyminniemo · 05/04/2024 17:31

If I’d been at my close friends wedding and my husband put his head on the table Id have been really embarrassed too. I’m just being honest. I know the exact physical feeling you are talking about. I think we all do. Empty stomach/ sudden alcohol especially the hit of sugary fizz can do funny things. I’d have pushed my chair out a little, stretched out, deep calm breathing, lots of water and assuming possible- stuffed my face with any stodge available. Or asked a passing waiter for some bread & butter. But do everything possible to just get through the speeches and not make it about me (unless of course having a heart attack/ stroke!) But basically do everything other than putting my head on a table at a wedding during the speeches. I’d cut him some slack.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:30

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 17:17

@OneBrightCrow if this isn't the first occasion you've been unwell like this, please go see your GP and get some tests done.

I did following the first episode, but it amounted to nothing. Had bloods and an ECG done. On this occasion, like some have said, it was prob hypoglycaemia/carb crash or dehydration, worsened by the fact I’d had some alcohol.

thinking about it, I had a similar episode after I ate three bits of toast following the birth of my second baby. After being starved all
night (epidural) I packed away that toast like nobody’s business, but then strangely nearly collapsed shortly after.

as some have pointed out, I’ve def learnt something about myself…. And will be more conscious at future events where the food is late in the day.

perhaps I expected too much of my husband. I don’t embarrass easily if a loved one’s wellbeing is my primary concern…. But we’re all different

OP posts:
Scotcheggz · 05/04/2024 17:24

I’d be mortified if my partner put his head on the table like that, on front of my old friends

skyfalldown · 05/04/2024 17:21

I'm a fainter - low blood pressure and anaemic, so you have my full sympathy and I can understand why you didn't want to stand up immediately. Not sure the issue is with putting your head on the table, it's better than crumpling into a heap

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 17:18

Boomer55 · 05/04/2024 17:09

Yep. All a bit drama Queen. Quietly leaving and sitting out in the air would have been better.

Show quote history

…which I did as soon as I felt able to stand.

Had It been more of a gradual thing, I would’ve left earlier, but once I felt unwell I’d hoped it would pass, but then it worsened quite quickly.

My intention was to do the least disruptive thing possible…. But evidently some here think I brought the drama and theatrics 🤣 Really wasn’t like that in my opinion. I apologised and explained to those on our table later on that evening, and don’t believe anyone thought I was an oddball/attention seeking/embarrassing.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 05/04/2024 17:17

@OneBrightCrow if this isn't the first occasion you've been unwell like this, please go see your GP and get some tests done.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 05/04/2024 17:13

I love all the posts about the OP being drunk and "boozing" on 2 glasses of Prosecco, its like all the Sun reporters have come here on a coach!

Boomer55 · 05/04/2024 17:09

Cantrushart · 05/04/2024 11:31

Yeah, bit of a dramatic thing to do during the speeches. I'd be insisting on helping you to leave the room ASP.

Yep. All a bit drama Queen. Quietly leaving and sitting out in the air would have been better.

hotwheelshell · 05/04/2024 17:08

Lourdes12 · 05/04/2024 17:02

I have been so unwell suddenly that putting my head on the table or even laying down on the floor is all I could do. You did the right thing. Better than standing up and getting a concussion when you faint. If you have never been in that situation yourself I can see why they think it’s rude. If I saw someone doing this I would leave them to it, offer water and say I’m here if you need anything

Fainting! Concussion! The drama of it all.

Op had half a glass too much and felt a bit shit for a bit.

She should have left the room, asking her husband to help her out if she really felt it necessary.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 05/04/2024 17:07

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 05/04/2024 16:53

I would have been embarrassed. Adults should be able to control their drinking in an appropriate way.

She'd only had two glasses of prosecco! Hardly not being in control of drinking!

Lots of bizarre responses on this thread. Nowt as queer as folk as they say and MN never fails to deliver on the weird attitudes.

Alicewinn · 05/04/2024 17:05

Tricky one, sounds like you needed a lie down otherwise you might’ve fainted.
i get that if I have a sugar crash. I guess you learnt something about yourself..?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/04/2024 17:04

The OP was unwell. But because she's said she had some alcohol ( at a wedding Good Heavens!) and has some medical issues, there are a few concluding that the DH being unkind to her is entirely justified.

If your partner was unwell, drunk or otherwise, surely the most practical and least embarrassing thing is not to berate them for being unwell, but to just concentrate on getting them to a recovery place without fuss or reprimand?

And it turns out he himself was soon as drunk as a lord anyway... so all the sympathy for the poor dear's blushes of embarrassment are wasted.

Lourdes12 · 05/04/2024 17:02

I have been so unwell suddenly that putting my head on the table or even laying down on the floor is all I could do. You did the right thing. Better than standing up and getting a concussion when you faint. If you have never been in that situation yourself I can see why they think it’s rude. If I saw someone doing this I would leave them to it, offer water and say I’m here if you need anything

WhatTheFuckIsThat · 05/04/2024 17:01

Citrusandginger · 05/04/2024 11:29

If the situation were reversed; it was your friend's wedding, your DH had drunk too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table at dinner, would you honestly be OK with it?

this

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 17:01

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 05/04/2024 16:57

Big difference between being anemic and being drunk tho!

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But the op wasn't drunk

bonzaitree · 05/04/2024 16:59

I would have whispered to my OH « just headed to the loo- not feeling 100%, but I’ll be fine » and gone and chilled for a bit.

Mama2many73 · 05/04/2024 16:59

I felt exactly the same at a relatives wedding and I don't drink . We had waited around for so long, then the speeches ran over and the food was over 90 mins later than expected.
Mid way through the speeches I left the room and sat on the foyer of the hotel. I asked for some water and they also offered me a cookie they were famous for i felt much better after . I assumed that my blood sugars had dropped but I really felt crap!

justasking111 · 05/04/2024 16:59

@OneBrightCrow we had a neighbour like this in a small cul de sac. His wife eventually had carers four times a day because he'd run out of neighbours good will.

He then decided to holiday in Tenerife, god knows how he got her there. She was so ill was admitted to hospital immediately. He had a lovely holiday and picked her up on his way home.

Take care of yourself and your family. Step back and let the system step in.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 05/04/2024 16:57

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 11:33

I suffer with anemia and if I stood and tried to leave immediately the speeches would have most certainly been stopped.

Don't give a shit if some snob thinks it's rude.

Edited
Show quote history

Big difference between being anemic and being drunk tho!

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 05/04/2024 16:53

I would have been embarrassed. Adults should be able to control their drinking in an appropriate way.

amysquie · 05/04/2024 16:50

I understand feeling momentarily embarrassed, but that feeling should have been immediately overridden by concern, as you say you'd only had one glass, and then he proceeded to get vomiting drunk! If he has a history of getting that drunk, perhaps his anger is projection and a reflection of his own embarrassment. But he's definitely a dick, and I'd give him a taste of his own medicine next time he's sick to see how he likes it! I hope this is a blip and he's normally a supportive type.

Magnastorm · 05/04/2024 16:46

JMSA · 05/04/2024 16:36

Putting your head on the table is so much worse than leaving.

Don't be daft.