Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

Nantescalling · 15/04/2024 01:09

Sapphire387 · 05/04/2024 11:21

I can see why you feel hurt. It's not just about the head on table - he sounds like he didn't actually believe you were feeling unwell. There seems to be an element of treating you as an accessory - 'we need to present ourselves well as a couple'.

I do think you should have tried to leave the room rather than put your head on the table... or perhaps leaned on him instead? But it's not a big deal. I hope you are feeling better now.

Do you think he would have been happy if she stood up and puked in front of his Uni pals?

GeorgeMummy · 08/04/2024 17:41

What you say really makes sense. But sometimes the DH is just being a selfish jerk.
I had a nasty spiral fracture in my upper right arm. He was normal at home and kind.
When we were asked to a special party he refused to help me with cutting up food or taking my coat on and off.
The other guests noticed and were contemptuous towards him when he grumbled about me.

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 08/04/2024 17:21

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:22

I’ve had a couple of episodes like this, and the common denominator is always food rather than alcohol (although obv I had alcohol on this occasion), so my gut feeling is that it’s blood sugar related….. or something to do with my body prioritising the food digestion over keeping my head and limbs in full function 🤣 Definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

Will make this my last post as this thread is a dead horse that’s been well and truly flogged.

Show quote history

Yes, your symptoms sound eerily similar to my wife’s. I think you have a food allergy, perhaps wheat, gluten or soy. I recommend you ask the doctors to investigate. If you were not born with an allergy, an infection such as helicobacter pylori can cause allergies, as well as cancer. Look it up. Best of luck op!

GoingDownLikeBHS · 08/04/2024 16:43

queenMab99 · 08/04/2024 16:35

He is an absolute bastard, that message to the bride and groom would be the last straw for me! He has put you in an impossible position, anything you say to correct this disinformation will sound pathetic, I feel really angry on your behalf.

Yes OP that was a really shit thing to do. I know some answers on the thread have been lighthearted but it's sort of gone from him being an asshole to him being very unpleasant indeed.

GoldEagle · 08/04/2024 16:41

TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2024 11:24

He probably felt that you had embarrassed him by getting drunk in front of your friends. Whilst you say you were drunk, you do blame on it on drinking on an empty stomach.

Try reading the post again, OP specifically said she was not drunk.

queenMab99 · 08/04/2024 16:35

He is an absolute bastard, that message to the bride and groom would be the last straw for me! He has put you in an impossible position, anything you say to correct this disinformation will sound pathetic, I feel really angry on your behalf.

Sweden99 · 08/04/2024 16:28

PigeonEgg · 08/04/2024 16:20

If my DH put his head on the table, at a wedding, during a speech, because he drank on an empty stomach I'd not be impressed!

Yes, perhaps so. But we have different standards daft though they might be. I am sure almost every poster would expect their husband to look after them, despite how they write on here.

Original poster

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:22

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 08/04/2024 14:13

Your husband was being unreasonable as he wasn't supporting you for his own selfish reasons. He didn't believe you and should have a lot of making up to do.

Have you had this before? Do you have any other digestive issues? Burping, heartburn, etc...? My wife had a similar issue to what you described several times, but with some other symptoms and she ended up having a gluten allergy amongst other random food allergies that popped up out of the blue. If you desperately needed a number 2 after your funny turn, this is also a common side effect of a food allergy.

Further investigation found she had a bacterial infection in her stomach called Helicobacter Pylori. Nasty business. This caused her food allergies to develop. I hope your issue was what you thought it was OP, but look into it if you have any other weird symptoms that you may have been brushing off without realising.

I’ve had a couple of episodes like this, and the common denominator is always food rather than alcohol (although obv I had alcohol on this occasion), so my gut feeling is that it’s blood sugar related….. or something to do with my body prioritising the food digestion over keeping my head and limbs in full function 🤣 Definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

Will make this my last post as this thread is a dead horse that’s been well and truly flogged.

OP posts:

PigeonEgg · 08/04/2024 16:20

If my DH put his head on the table, at a wedding, during a speech, because he drank on an empty stomach I'd not be impressed!

Original poster

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:16

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 21:28

I have thought about this some more. She should have told DH straight away and let him handle the situation. He was most likely annoyed by her refusal to accept his help. He was probably very worried about her.

I’d like to have seen him handle my subsequent collapse/vomit but fear that may have been slightly more mortifying than my embarrassing head on table.

OP posts:

Original poster

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:14

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:07

I disagree with most, I think your behaviour was very odd and not ok. You were very silly to not consider eating something earlier, even if not drinking, to also line your stomach for the Prosecco coming. Putting your head on the table? Feeling so unwell you couldn't stand up. He gave you loads of chances, asked you loads of times. This was a rare occasion, he hadn't seen these uni friends for ages, he'd been looking forward to this for ages, and you ruined it all, I'm not surprised at his frustration.

Thank goodness you’re here as you seem to have a much better recollection of what actually happened 🙄

OP posts:

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 08/04/2024 14:13

Your husband was being unreasonable as he wasn't supporting you for his own selfish reasons. He didn't believe you and should have a lot of making up to do.

Have you had this before? Do you have any other digestive issues? Burping, heartburn, etc...? My wife had a similar issue to what you described several times, but with some other symptoms and she ended up having a gluten allergy amongst other random food allergies that popped up out of the blue. If you desperately needed a number 2 after your funny turn, this is also a common side effect of a food allergy.

Further investigation found she had a bacterial infection in her stomach called Helicobacter Pylori. Nasty business. This caused her food allergies to develop. I hope your issue was what you thought it was OP, but look into it if you have any other weird symptoms that you may have been brushing off without realising.

MarkWithaC · 08/04/2024 09:41

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 21:28

I have thought about this some more. She should have told DH straight away and let him handle the situation. He was most likely annoyed by her refusal to accept his help. He was probably very worried about her.

Let him 'handle the situation' why? It's her body, it was her feelings.
She says she tried explaining that she was afraid of collapsing or being sick. He didn't listen.
Why, given this context, is it OK for him to be 'annoyed by her refusal to accept his help'? Is it because of his poor fragile ego? The temerity of the OP in not letting him 'handle' things?

Mothership4two · 08/04/2024 05:49

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 07/04/2024 18:45

@StarlightLime
'I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos'

Literally says it in her OP.

But that was during the speeches - after food (and water) so obviously her 'turn' wasn't due to being drunk as many posters have said or insinuated.

And OP goes on to say (3rd post, same day): To be fair I didn’t feel ill on an empty stomach. We’d eaten starter, main and wedding cake by that point. But that probably came a bit late in the day and the prosecco before hand didn’t line my tummy particularly well. I wasn’t remotely drunk. Which these posters didn't bother to read or chose to ignore.

I suppose the moral of the story is be clear in your OP and expect any mention of drinking alcohol and being female to be jumped on here on MN

ggggggooooo · 07/04/2024 22:40

@Oblomov24 an analogy would be if you developed a late onset allergy to prawns and suffered an anaphylactic episode. And someone then Told yiu that you were an embarrassment because it wasn't your do so you shouldn't have eaten prawns. Even though prawns have never caused you problems before.
That's how ridiculous it is to blame the OP

ggggggooooo · 07/04/2024 22:35

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:48

I disagree with @ggggggooooo, who has deliberately missed my point? Some social occasions it depends on whose 'occasion' it is, wife or husbands. If it's your husbands, they aren't your uni friends, it's not 'your' do. Then you play a supportive role. If it's all his uni friends and he hasn't seen many of them for ages, including best friend who'd come for this do, has not been to any recent ones, then that sets the precedence.

I'd be thinking of supportive role, drinking less, more slimline tonics rather than g&t's.

So as to not drink on an empty stomach, plus op in a later post with a drip feed adds in that she had the same issue medically as op did on a recent works do? Odd.

And yet get Dh spent the whole time checking if she was ok, rather than enjoying seeing rarely seen uni friends.

Yes I see that as an issue.

How have I misunderstood deliberately or not your point.

You are taking as if feeling sick was the OPs fault^^

I have included attachments outlying how any amount of alcohol can cause a catastrophic drop in blood pressure that is sudden and unexpected. This can unexpectedly happen to someone with a good understanding of their tolerance.

You seem to be suggesting that these occurrences are avoidable. Well yes I suppose they are. Dint drink at all. But if this is the first time this has happened or if it has only happened once or twice he fire the op would have no reason to think 2 Prosecco could cause this. Ergo it is not her fault.

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 21:28

I have thought about this some more. She should have told DH straight away and let him handle the situation. He was most likely annoyed by her refusal to accept his help. He was probably very worried about her.

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:48

I disagree with @ggggggooooo, who has deliberately missed my point? Some social occasions it depends on whose 'occasion' it is, wife or husbands. If it's your husbands, they aren't your uni friends, it's not 'your' do. Then you play a supportive role. If it's all his uni friends and he hasn't seen many of them for ages, including best friend who'd come for this do, has not been to any recent ones, then that sets the precedence.

I'd be thinking of supportive role, drinking less, more slimline tonics rather than g&t's.

So as to not drink on an empty stomach, plus op in a later post with a drip feed adds in that she had the same issue medically as op did on a recent works do? Odd.

And yet get Dh spent the whole time checking if she was ok, rather than enjoying seeing rarely seen uni friends.

Yes I see that as an issue.

ggggggooooo · 07/04/2024 19:35

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:07

I disagree with most, I think your behaviour was very odd and not ok. You were very silly to not consider eating something earlier, even if not drinking, to also line your stomach for the Prosecco coming. Putting your head on the table? Feeling so unwell you couldn't stand up. He gave you loads of chances, asked you loads of times. This was a rare occasion, he hadn't seen these uni friends for ages, he'd been looking forward to this for ages, and you ruined it all, I'm not surprised at his frustration.

Ruined it all? By suffering a sudden drop in blood pressure. Shit. You are harsh. Glad I'm not your partner. I couldn't imagine being with someone who was embarrassed by me becoming poorly

ggggggooooo · 07/04/2024 19:34

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 07/04/2024 19:18

I would’ve been embarrassed by your behaviour too.

What? You would have been embarrassed if your partner had a catastrophic drop in blood pressure and had to take immediate action to not pass out?

What other weird things do you get embarrassed about ?

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 07/04/2024 19:18

I would’ve been embarrassed by your behaviour too.

StarlightLime · 07/04/2024 19:16

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 07/04/2024 18:45

@StarlightLime
'I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos'

Literally says it in her OP.

Oh, I know.
But the constant sarkiness when it's mentioned that there just may be a correlation is getting on my tits, tbh.

user1491320660 · 07/04/2024 19:14

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

Do you have POTS or a mast cell disorder? I have similar issues with alcohol and have both these disorders. Either can cause what appears to be an allergic/ intolerance reaction.

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:07

I disagree with most, I think your behaviour was very odd and not ok. You were very silly to not consider eating something earlier, even if not drinking, to also line your stomach for the Prosecco coming. Putting your head on the table? Feeling so unwell you couldn't stand up. He gave you loads of chances, asked you loads of times. This was a rare occasion, he hadn't seen these uni friends for ages, he'd been looking forward to this for ages, and you ruined it all, I'm not surprised at his frustration.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 07/04/2024 18:50

He was being unkind.

I threw up during a friends wedding when my DH was just preparing to give his Best Man’s speech. I wasn’t drinking and it later turned out I had food poisoning, but nobody knew that.

I couldn’t have got up to leave - it was so sudden. One second I was fine, the next I came over all peculiar and knew I was going to either pass out or throw up. So embarrassing.

DH dashed over to see if I was ok and several people took care of me…. nobody gave me any grief at all, especially not DH.