AIBU to feel disheartened by the lack of support and the presence of a crab bucket mentality among some women on here?

I do believe in a sisterhood and I will happily support women.

However, I do not believe women are a monolith and I don't blindly support women just because they are women.

MN is a microcosim of life - there are people with a wide variety of opinions, and even some arseholes, its true.

Wanting MN to be some kind of vitrue lifting echo chamber would be bad for everyone. Its up to us, especially in this online/social media age, to develop our own filters, our own red lines and form our own opinions. this applies to realising we can each of us weed out unhelpful opinions & we can choose not to give attention/oxygen to certain posters.

Pointing out the differences serves to create division. Someone else on the thread made a point about depression. 'why are you depressed? What have you got to be depressed about?' Doesn't help the person feeling depressed. It doesn't make other people with depression feel less depressed. There are differences in wealth and the cost of living crisis has driven a fairly clear path between those with 'give' in their budget to absorb the increases and those that have no. But pointing out to someone who has a £2k mortgage who's struggling to pay it that you'd love to be on a wage where you could be given a £2k mortgage/love to own your own home or whatever the 'othering' is, doesn't support the person with the circumstances they find themselves in. Some people have safety nets and others don't. But right now people are struggling and telling them others have it worse doesn't help them. If you don't think they deserve help, scroll by. Don't stick the boot into someone who's struggling. Even if you think it's daft they took on a £2k mortgage. Telling them that, kicking them when they're already down. That's not empathy, humanity, kinship. That's kicking someone when they're down. Someone falls over of their own silliness/clumsiness/making. You absolutely can walk on by. But don't kick them. People need less kicking right now.

There's some women I vehemently disagree with and some men I absolutely agree with. That doesn't mean I don't support women when necessary.

Do we know what a crab bucket is yet?

It was a much more supportive site years ago when it was much smaller. Then I noticed that the first few posts tended to dictate the way the wind blew until a few more posts came in with different thoughts.
Nowadays there are a far wider range of views right from the start. Much more extreme views at both ends. And you are right op, those extreme views can be quite vicious in the way they are expressed. And others follow suit.

It used to surprise me the way that others thought and viewed things. Now it horrifies me, as some views are utterly quite ridiculous and yes, quite horrible in the way they are dismissive and uncaring. You can disagree and give constructive criticism, which is how it used to be. Or you can be downright rude and unsupportive, which is far more common now.

As I said, it’s not like the olden days when most people wanted to help and support each other, even if your opinions differed. You are quite right op.

I think sometimes people in dysfunctional relationships don't realise until they post on here and get a barrage of responses telling them it isn't normal and that their partner is abusive. The kick up the backside is exactly what is needed. It's called tough love.

Fortunately, mumsnet has helped some women leave their abusive partners, and I hope it continues to do so.

Women are not a homogenous group and we have different opinions on all kinds of things - including what kind of government support.

If you can't afford to live in your chosen location and buy the essentials of life, there are only certain options open to you. Accrue debt in the hopes your situation is temporary, increase your income through extra work, ask family for help, cut your spending to the bone, down size or move to a cheaper area. You might not fancy any of them, but your list is still longer than that of a person who has already done all those things and is still struggling. So other than give you the options in a nice gentle tone, what do you want people to say?

Well that wasn't a supportive reply to a genuinely helpful post was it?

I think support is offered when support is due.
Harsh, snarky and sometimes bloody hysterical comments are often offered also when due.
Not everyone is on here for a handhold. Some of us are hear because mum-life is blooming hard and we are cross, fed up and need a bit of escapism and a giggle...

I just post my honest opinion.

If someone posts something like "AIBU letting my 2 year old play with matches which I pop out to the shops". I'm not going to be supportive. I am going to call it out as dangerous,neglect etc. Same with were I think someone is in a toxic relationship etc.

I don't ever deliberately attack someone but I will post what I honestly think.

I don't post here to get a chorus of people backing me up. That wouldn't be helpful. I post to get an opinion and varying perspectives. People see thinks differently and different opinions give you more tothink about. Especially if I think A is best and a lot of people saying B.

This is the literal definition of crabs in a bucket. MN is full of them.

I came here for verruca tips.

Stayed for the acronyms.

As if mentioning that is the same as calling out spelling. But OK.

I 100% did. They were walking past me and I heard it. I was gobsmacked. He always has a face like a smacked arse though.

Shouldn't this space be about rallying together to support everyone in the UK?

It's an international forum.

Mumsent is a huge and diverse forum that attracts people from all walks of life, it isn’t a place where only lower earners are allowed the floor.

It isn’t tone deaf for posters to make threads about the struggles in their life (whether you think they’re struggling or not). It’s ’tone deaf’ to go into someone else’s thread and try to make it about you/ what you think they should be posting about.

We all have the option to not engage in threads we don’t like/can’t relate to/find offensive. We don’t get to demand that others not post things we don’t personally approve of. If you click on something that you know is going to wind you up (and the title usually gives you a good idea as to what a thread is about), and choose to engage with it then your frustration and hurt sensibilities are your own fault.

I think its unreasonable to assume that everyone has the same outlook, opinions and ideologies, if we did that would be a rather small-minded and inauthentic forum. If you are referring to people attacking each other on website/social media platforms, that isn't a female on female issue, its an internet issue. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be supportive, informative, honest and nurturing, those are lovely traits in any person/voice/forum, but would imagine MN feels like much of British society - quite polarised.

OP's idealism reads like a GCSE Citizenship project.

I agree to some extent - but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that people could consider other options/approaches.

eg if I read someone saying they’re struggling to pay for private school I’d rather reassure them that there must be a decent school somewhere in their area. If they don’t pay, their DC will have to leave - so they need to get their heads round that and start looking at state schools. There might be people in their area who know those schools well who can offer informed advice.

Similarly with relationships. There are many awful posts where the writers really need to engage with some tough advice in their own best interests - or their children’s. They need to understand how bad a situation they are in. I’m sure that’s not easy to read but it’s better than not challenging her assumption that he might treat her better if she does x, which is what some OPs seem to be expecting.

Why is it 'insulting' for someone else to have a different set of problems to you?

In parts of the country living alone on £50k is now difficult. That's the reality - those people should also be able to discuss their problems.

I'm sorry OP, but everything is so shit in this selfish, entitled country at the moment that I haven't got much patience for high earners who have to now choose between their Ski holiday and winter cruise, in addition to their expensive summer break.

We had a ridiculous post on here from a single woman - no kids or partner - who was complaining that the they couldn't afford ' life' on £50k p.a.

Do you know how insulting that is to mums and families that are really struggling? a family of four or five on that income struggling on that income or less ?

It's hardly surprising that there are so many harsh replies when there are so many tone death threads on here.