To think pooled finances are probably only for long term couples who met young?

Married at 30 and 32, not sure I would consider that particularly young, both had bought our own individual properties etc pre marriage... we had no hesitation pooling everything. Since sold the separate properties and pooled into one bigger house. All savings shared and equal access to everything. Both of our sets of parents have always had pooled finances which I think made us both see this as normal.

This for us too, we met when I was 33 and he was 38 and were married a year later, share everything but have similar attitudes with money so it's never been an issue. If I was ever single again and met someone then no probably not because I have a lot of children and I would want to spend my money on them how I saw fit, and wouldn't expect anyone in the future to be a parental figure to them

We met in our 30's. First series relationship for both of us. We never considered doing anything other than just pooling. It was literally in our marriage vows." all that I have I share with you"
I had 3 x maternity leave, he had 2 years unemployed and we just lived on whatever we had. I came into the marriage with a house and no savings, he had savings and no house. We sold my house and bought a doer upper and used his money to do it up.
I inherited money and we worked out what to spend on a big holiday, how much mortgage to pay off , what work to do on house and how much to save and I left him to it.
I agree with posters who say it only really works if you have a very similar attitude to money. Neither of us are big shoppers and we buy everything second hand where we can.
I don't mind how others sort their finances but I really really struggle to read that women are spending their savings to get through mat leave. It is as if the baby is nothing to do with the father?!

im not sure if it’s age - I think children really make a big difference - if you only have children together shared makes most sense, it’s all for them anyway 🙈 but if you have children from previous relationships it would be different I imagine. Hubby and I married in early thirties and completely shared finances post marriage even before i was a sahm. I also think attitude toward marriage is a factor. We would both take marriage seriously, not many divorced in extended family/friends circle so that might also play a role - you’d probably be more cautious if divorce more common in your family perhaps?

Agreed. I shared finances when I was younger, but like hell would I do that now.

I'm more cynical having been screwed over by men before, I have my own assets now and I'm a higher earner. No way I am giving half of what I have to anyone who rocks up at this stage in my life. They've done nothing to earn that as they haven't been with me during the difficult years. My assets are going to my family when I die, as they've supported me in the years in which I've become a self-made woman.

TBH, I'm not sure I'd live with anyone again, as 1) I don't want to and 2) it's the only way to be 100% sure they don't have a claim on your home.

It's bloody difficult buying, and as a woman who has clawed her way onto the property ladder without any help from anyone else, the thought of losing half of that makes me feel sick. I could only afford to buy my own home once I got rid of the millstone ex around my neck, and having nearly been held back by a man, the idea of losing half of it to another man is just too much to bear.

True of us. Met as teens, lived together almost straight away. He was working, I was in sixth form. So our finances have always been joint.

We met in our 40s and we're now married with separate finances. Works for us

Yes I can understand. DH and I met as teenagers. Everything we have, we have built together, we brought no money or assets into the relationship, have supported each others' careers, and have each been the higher earner at different times. Makes it very easy to just see everything as joint and not hold resentment. That said, we still get our wages paid into our own accounts because I just think adults need their own accounts, then we pool, and then we take some personal spends (same amount each) to each spend guilt free.

You are probably right, but add that if you meet in your 30s you are also likely to have been in a long term relationship which went to shit already so you will be more cynical.

Dp and I met in our 30s, been together 4 years and having a baby. Totally separate finances. We have Splitwise and keep track of joint spending. I don't care what he does with his savings.

We each had significant assets already and there is a large disparity in income and how we manage our money between us. I have also been fucked over by my exH (divorced at 29) so I will never ever pool my money entirely with someone. Fuck that.

Together 20 years. Married nearly that. Iwas in my 20s , he was 30s.Joint account + separate accounts + separate savings (not that that that amounts to much). We'd both been burned before. I earn about a third more than dh these days (but jointly still nowhere near the magic mn 6 figures), so I tend to pay for more random spends too.

My mum used to joke about having a run away fund. I've always taken it seriously.

Depends on whether you join each others lives completely. My parents (parent and stepparent) met when they were 40. Married by 42 and finances were always pooled.

I met my now husband at 20 and we pooled finances completely when we moved in together. I may have been influenced by my parents.

Sometimes not even then though! Met DH in 20s, now 40s, 2 kids. Never pooled finances. Always been happier to keep it separate.

In a way, yes.
my DH is my economic partner. We weren’t particularly young when we married, but still young enough that we entered the marriage with no children and had a child together. Our mutual goal is to provide the best economic base for our shared child.

if something happens with my relationship, either dissolution or death, my goal of providing the best economic base for our shared child remains unchanged. I can’t pool money again because that would interfere with my ability to help my child, even when she is an adult. I want to be free to make the choice to help her financially if I think it is appropriate and to leave her any assets that may remain upon my death.

that doesn’t mean I can’t have an additional romantic relationship, but I am actual partnership seems impossible. No one else could ever share my life goals.

Been with my DP for 10 years, both in our 50's.Our finances are completely separate. Both contribute to household bills but our personal money remains our own.

We don't earn the same amount though either.

We have a spreadsheet so know who has what assets. We do not have a joint account. Been together for 27 year and married for 25, I was 31 when we got together and DH 29. We make big financial decisions together, but I like the flexibility of most decisions being my own. Also as pointed out by another poster you need separate accounts if you can max out ISA allowances. I think asset amount probably has quite a lot to do with how people mix money. We had both already done some investing.

I think you're right, OP. DH and I met in our late 20's, our finances are pooled, we are now in our late 40's.

I can absolutely imagine that if I were single now and starting a new relationship, that I'd be wary about merging finances. There's too many variables now (my child, whether or not that person had children, investments, property, outstanding debts).

DH and I merging finances works also because we have similar attitudes towards spending; neither of us are chucking it all away on a new expensive hobby or whatever pops up on threads on MN from time to time.

(FWIW if you are in your 20s and you have a partner who does that sort of thing, absolutely re-evaluate how you handle your finances! Finances are one of the top reasons relationships break down, and people will tell you you're being boring for worrying about them but you are not. Marriage is a partnership, just like a business)

I'm in relationship where we are looking to move in together , both previously divorced, we won't have pooled finances, outgoings will be split. I'm far too used to having my financial independence.

Ours is all pooled. We've been together since 21. I had substantial savings & DH had nothing - he literally couldn't keep a dollar in his account past payday. I refused to pool until he learned good money management.

Where we live (Aus) living together for between 6-12 months usually gives you the same legal status as married, so not pooling is usually about day to day control of money.

Together 18 years ,marriaged 16 both high earners. We share financial decisions but have separate accounts . We like to be able to buy the other a gift as a surprise and each manage our money .
we each pay certain bills and are very open about where we are . It is shared money but in separate accounts.

Agree with this, including the 'once bitten, twice shy' theory. I also think if one or both of you already has kids from a previous relationship that you will be less likely to pool finances as you want your assets that you've built up before meeting your new partner to go to your kids. And a childless partner might not want to feel they're subsidising your ex-partner's kids.

You’re right based on my circumstance. Dh i met when we were in uni, (19 and 21 years). We had nothing. We married 4 years later and we opened a joint account immediately which we still use now (13 years later). Money and resources are mostly pooled though we both still have some personal savings as well.

I agree with you. I was at a dinner where it came up in conversation that DH and I, who met later in life (both had houses, he had children) did not combine finances. Another couple in their 60s who had met later in life too said they operate their finances very similarly to us.

A couple who met at uni and have been married for 40 years were shocked as they've always combined everything.

I'm pretty happy with the way our finances work. I imagined combining everything when I was younger but now really wouldn't want to.

Shared assets with Exdh but am now divorced. I own a nice house/ car have no debt apart from mortgage, decent income. I think I would struggle to share with anyone. I want the house to go to the kids. My ex was a higher earner but financially irresponsible so we were often skint. I feel much happier being in control of my finances.

Been together since early 20s

joint bank account when we got married

never had a yours or mine attitude

always both had a good salary but I didn’t work for 10 yrs with children

never been an issue

Been with my DH for 11 years, since we were 19. We have a joint account with all joint bills including mortgage, utilities, food, subscription, dog food, insurances etc we both put equal amounts in to cover these each month. The rest of our money is our own to spend on what we wish, save what we wish (although we both aim for £100pm).

We take turns paying for lunches, takeaways etc, and if one of us is a bit shorter of a month the other will compensate. But we both live to our own money, and I think it's important not to rely on each other financially. We are very trusting and have a lot of respect for each other and our relationship, but financially responsibility is important to both of us.