Is this going to cause a massive family rift?

Why can he decide to not paint the wardrobe or look after the dog but you can't decide to uninvite him as godfather?

She's specifically said she hasn't done this.

You said he was brilliant and fun with the children but the swimming story tells otherwise. I would never have spoken to him again after the dog incident.

Out if interest, how much does dB think he's owed for what he's managed to paint/mess up?
I'd be asking if he thought what he'd done was of a high enough standard to be considered finished and also if you wanted to sell the item in it's current state with bodged paint jib, what you could sell it for.

For a lot of people, a godparent is more of a ceremonial title than anything really important. There are no legal responsibilities, and no obligations. So it doesn't really matter whether he's a godfather or not.

The way the family treats him and you is more of an issue. Do you get on well with your other brother? Does he continually bail his brother out as well?

Oh, and no fucking way on earth would I be giving him that money. Or making him a god parent. God parents are supposed to be reliable and responsible, aren't they?

He doesn't need a therapist. He needs to be kicked out of the parental home and forced to fend for himself. Your parents, however, could do with therapy to understand co-dependency.

I understand your position @Whatdoyoudowiththedrunkensailor, unless they have bizarre family set ups, people just don’t get it.

yeah you are going to have to blow the roof off. Not pay for this piss poor job and tell them why.

if it blows up, it blows up, but at least you’re showing how you’re not involved in institutionalising your db and contributing to his hobbling.

I wouldn't pay him and certainly wouldn't suggest him as a godparent. Totally unsuitable. He obviously thrives on hand outs and doing nothing. He is a moocher of 1st degree and it's very easy to play the mental health card when caught out doing something wrong...

OP I feel frustrated on your behalf- feels like you can’t win no matter what you do. In your position I would try my best to compartmentalise your DB behaviour around asking for paid jobs ie don’t entertain the idea ever again (as I think you already mentioned) but there’s also no need to fall out with him if you get on ok otherwise ie he makes an effort to spend time with your kids.
I also wouldn’t get into it with your DM at any level. Don’t discuss any conversations between you and your DB with her and if she starts to ask direct questions/make accusations then stick to the facts when you answer her without getting emotional- keep it brief then shut it down and move on. Hopefully that way you can maintain the relationships with all your family without compromising your own happiness. I’m sure if none of you were around, your brother would be able to stand on his own two feet so just keep reminding yourself of this. Good luck!

OMG I pay my lazy 16yr old for "jobs" and he's milking me. This thread has been an eye-opener! Any tips I can follow NOW for making sure he doesn't end up like "the godfather"?

16yr old also had a rubbish experience of education....etc - there are good reasons for it all, but I don't want to "enable" his laziness and complete lack of drive.

Agree with others. He doesn't deserve to be paid, especially when you're having to pay out to have it redone by someone else. It sounds like he uses the 'I'm feeling down' when it suits him to continue being a free loader. He's playing with you and your families emotions to benefit himself. I wouldn't trust him to look after my house, dog or child because it seems that he only thinks about himself. He did a shoddy job on the work you requested and not within the deadline. If he was a proper trader, you'd be within your rights not to pay the full amount as a result. He's your brother but he's acting like a child who relies on pocket money. He needs to grow up and get a proper job. All the time the family are subsidising his lifestyle, he won't be motivated to get his life in order.

Start thinking/behaving/acting with him as you'd do with another 30 year old grown up however cuddly. There are no royal roads to human adjustment of behaviours/personalities assuming, as I am doing, there is no medical conditions afflicting a grown up, educated, able young-ish man. Good luck.

Tough love is called for, clearly. It will be beneficial long term for everyone, especially for your brother. His behaviour/personality has gone on too long and too far. Behaviours and personalities can be modified, changed for the better. He does NEED help, by the description of his activities (and non-activities) -- tough love by the family, starting with the siblings. It'll be unpleasant for everyone in the initial stages, I guess. Mothers are always the last people to practise tough love.. and she's failed him so far!!

I’d be tempted to say I was feeling too depressed to pay him.

In all seriousness though, in most families a godfather would paint the wardrobe for free and they’d be happy to do it. It would have been lovely for your child to have a piece of furniture painted by her Godfather and uncle but he couldn’t be arsed and then demanded payment for his shite job.

He’s quite happy to let everyone pay for him on meals out etc and then demands payment for dog sitting/small favours aswell? He’s self centred, entitled and irresponsible. Having depression is no excuse for behaving like that. He’s just a dickhead I’m afraid.

I have an extremely controlling parent, I was afraid to go against her and felt like I had to involve her in everything. I had enough one day after she blew up at me again and went no contact. Best decision I ever made. She now knows nothing about my life so can have no opinion on it and can no longer control me.

Do not involve your mother in this. If she brings it up, keep repeating that it’s between you and DB and you will not be discussing it with her. It will infuriate her but you need to set boundaries or she will continue to interfere.

Your letting a man who cannot look after a dog be the nominated person to look after your child should something happen to you because he's a fun uncle!
Why would you do that?

Agreed re: the godfather thing - it's purely ceremonial.

As per my earlier post, this simply isn't true!

Peace and harmony often come at a price. I'd pay him half and never expect anything from him again.

Also, something IS obvs wrong with him.

First of all you shouldn't pay him - he hasn't done the job you were paying him for and it's not the first time he's let you down when been tasked with a job.
Secondly, his behaviour is being enabled with the best will in the world and this can't go on forever - it's not doing him or the rest of the family any good. Are they just assuming it's depression because he seems down or has he had a diagnosis? I would be going down the route of looking into having him assessed for a neurodivergence which may explain the lack of focus, time blindness etc. whatever is going on with him, it would be better to get to the root of the problem so that he can actually function as an adult human being in some way.
Don't pay him for the work and say that you aren't willing to go on supporting him in this way unless he actively gets some help for himself to improve his situation.

I'd still pay him - to avoid you being described as too cheap or hard up to pay him and that's the reason you didn't pay him.

Who cares what he thinks? He's proved himself, over and over, as being irresponsible and entitled. He contracted to do a good paying job in a timely for the OP and her husband and just couldn't be bothered to do more than a partial job, which was a bad job, which needs to be corrected and then completed at a greater cost by a proper professional. And he has no shame in demanding money from his sister for this shoddiness. Would he have this attitude as a contractor to an employer? If so he'd have pushback from them I'm sure.

The time to draw the line is not at the next incident but this, existing one. The OP and husband are right not to pay him. If his mother and other brother are so keen on him having this money let them pay him - otherwise let him learn this one lesson that you do not commit to do something, do a poor/incomplete job then ask for the money for it. 🌹

Did you still pay him for dog sitting? He only did half the job there, wasted food/milk he insisted on you buying, didn't keep the house clean and neglected your dog for several days.

Give him £15 - if he does a piss poor job of painting you do a piss poor job of paying him.